I have been dating a guy for about three months. What I am noticing with this relationship, although I believe it was apparent in previous relationships, is that I have severe trusting and control issues. I am with my boyfriend every night practically. When I am not I get very paranoid, anxious, worried, sad, mad, thinking he might not be at his apartment, wondering where he is, what he is doing, who he talks to when I am not around. I am worried for myself that I put forth so much effort on keeping tabs on my boyfriend when I am with him the majority of the time he is not at work. I don't have any reasons to believe he is cheating. I am starting to feel like a crazy person. My Grandfather passed away in December and I put forth less emotion at his funeral. My mom was a single mom until I was six, my dad said he wanted nothing to do with me. My step dad and mom divorced this last year. He raised me till I was 17 when I moved out. I want to know why I am acting with my boyfriend the way I am. Why am I so controling? Why do I not trust him? I am starting to think this is a bigger issue than my three month old relationship with my boyfriend. Do I date older men because of the lack of love I had from the father figures in my life?? Help!
Based on what you have described, the anxiety and separation distress you are experiencing seems to have deeper implications than your current three month old romantic relationship. According to the latest relationship research, many adults will continue to act out similar patterns with their significant other as they had in their primary caregiver relationships as children. So, the best recommendation I can offer is to seek out professional assistance of a therapist who specializes in working with individuals who are having trouble with intimate relationships. It is only by healing your early wounds can you grow into truly enjoying the benefits of an adult romantic relationship. Remember, you are a product of all your experiences. However, it is not about being a victim, it is about seeking out professional help so you can heal your past, so you can start to drive your future adult experiences. You have the choice because professional help is available.
Your forum coach, Wanda
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