Aa
Addicted to porn
A few years ago I discovered my husbands porn addiction. And it made my heart race, and I was more hurt then mad. We fought about this for awhile and he finally admited that he was addicted to sex. He of course blamed his porn viewing on that we dont have enough sex. So we went from 1-2x a week to 4-5 wk. Last month (thanksgiving) I found that he had been viwing more websites and deleting the history. I was disgusted and he blew up, cried, said he was sorry, and he would stop. Of course I beleive him until last night. All I had to do was click on "back" in the browser and came up porn websites. I guess i am on of those women that hate it. I feel its degrating to women. I feel insure about myself as well. I cant seem to let this go. Last night he celebrated new years eve without me b/c i was to hurt to be with him. I feel like this is ruining my marriage and he wont stop. Therapy could help but we dont have the exta money. We have been married for 6 years now and its tearing me apart. IPlease help i'm starting to lose it!!
I am most strongly in agreement with ForestAnimal. Do research on pornography addiction to start with. I did not know that such existed, until I discovered my own husband's problem. Therapy and a willingness to quit are absolutely mandatory. Clearly, there are great differences in people and their ability to view pornography and not become hooked or tendency to become hooked. There is plenty of research supporting the idea that it is or can be an addiction with a chemical mediator, not taken as a drug, but a "naturally occuring" drugged state related to great increases in dopamine and oxytocin (chemically related chain, dependent upon one another. However the psychiatric community has yet to reach a firm consensus in relation to whether or not pornography addiction is a real diagnosis, though one expects with each new edition of the DSMV, to find it there, given the prevalence of the problem.
You should not simply "put up with it, or look the other way," because it is a problem that is progressive in most cases. It requires more and more pornography to get the same effect, or harder core pornography, or acting out in real life in a variety of ways. Further, as progression occurs, your husband's interest in having sex with you will simply decline, as it will require a higher and higher threshold for him to become excited. Many women are also deeply disturbed by the fact that their husband is thinking about pornography while having sex with them. You may or may not find this offensive, but it is probably not an act you have consented to, yet is still, most likely, one which is being performed on you. You, as the receptacle for his masturbation to pornography in his mind, your vagina a substitute for someone else's orifices, or his hand.
This is not masculine behavior and does not relate in any way to fully mature adult male sexuality. Further, if you are concerned about his opinion of you, as well you should be, consult the research of the effects of watching pornograpy on a man's opinion of his wife or lover. It is rather shocking and disturbing, and no, it does not matter what you look like, either. You may be exceptionally beautiful, but he will not see you that way. Multiple research findings support this as fact.
More sex will not help. My husband and I had sex once or more a day for the first twelve years we were married, with certain obvious brakes, due to travel and such. This made no difference, whatsoever. Perhaps, more important in this arena is the question of who is initiating. He initiates every sexual encounter he has with pornography, every time he wants to watch pornography with you, if he does such as per one suggestion in the string, and every time he thinks about pornography instead of you, while having sex with you. Is he anywhere near as initiatory with you as he is with porn? Does he really want you, desperately? He wants porn, desperately! Look into counseling in relation to issues of Intimacy Anorexia, if he isn't inclined to initiate. Read the research, either way. Being married to a porn/sex addict can, in fact, turn into Hell on earth, no matter what the more naive have posted here.
You should not simply "put up with it, or look the other way," because it is a problem that is progressive in most cases. It requires more and more pornography to get the same effect, or harder core pornography, or acting out in real life in a variety of ways. Further, as progression occurs, your husband's interest in having sex with you will simply decline, as it will require a higher and higher threshold for him to become excited. Many women are also deeply disturbed by the fact that their husband is thinking about pornography while having sex with them. You may or may not find this offensive, but it is probably not an act you have consented to, yet is still, most likely, one which is being performed on you. You, as the receptacle for his masturbation to pornography in his mind, your vagina a substitute for someone else's orifices, or his hand.
This is not masculine behavior and does not relate in any way to fully mature adult male sexuality. Further, if you are concerned about his opinion of you, as well you should be, consult the research of the effects of watching pornograpy on a man's opinion of his wife or lover. It is rather shocking and disturbing, and no, it does not matter what you look like, either. You may be exceptionally beautiful, but he will not see you that way. Multiple research findings support this as fact.
More sex will not help. My husband and I had sex once or more a day for the first twelve years we were married, with certain obvious brakes, due to travel and such. This made no difference, whatsoever. Perhaps, more important in this arena is the question of who is initiating. He initiates every sexual encounter he has with pornography, every time he wants to watch pornography with you, if he does such as per one suggestion in the string, and every time he thinks about pornography instead of you, while having sex with you. Is he anywhere near as initiatory with you as he is with porn? Does he really want you, desperately? He wants porn, desperately! Look into counseling in relation to issues of Intimacy Anorexia, if he isn't inclined to initiate. Read the research, either way. Being married to a porn/sex addict can, in fact, turn into Hell on earth, no matter what the more naive have posted here.
Porn does damage relationships. The evidence is too strong to think otherwise. However it may be exacerbated by rigid thinking, moral intolerance and self worth issues that may drive one partner or both apart. This is where the damage actually occurs.
There is plenty of research to confirm that fantasies are an integral part of many sexual relationships. If you google the top ten you'll see what I mean.
Sex has become a bargaining commodity in some relationships and in others a sacred bond and if porn enters the picture that has been referenced to as "cheating" when in truth it really it's just the realm of fantasy.
In other societies and religions sex is for the purpose having children and outside of that is considered inappropriate. The western cultures on the other hand market it like your favorite snack food. That's where the problems begin.
Porn has become a sexual commodity and although it has been around for thousands of year certainly in the last 50 years it has exploded in a multi billion dollar industry. It is in your face almost everywhere you look. Let's face it "sex sells ".
However it still remains in the realm of fantasy. Most couples dedicated to each other and live well balanced lives are subjected to those grey and even darker corners just as a part of being human. Your experiences, world views and parenting from your parents/guardians can influence the extent to how you cope to a myriad assaults on your senses throughout your lifetime.
Porn addiction is only one. A friend once said to me " when sh*t happens don't take it personally it's just your turn." This actually lit a bulb for me and by removing that element I was able to look at the issue and not the emotional whirlwind surrounding the problem.
With porn addiction its multi faceted. It's an easy and quick way to feed the beast so to speak and it creates an environment of sexual solitude. In this world there are no judgments on you performance or even to the extent of your fantasy which may offend your partner. Hence in becomes a secret none judgemental place where if you can fall into some very dark fantasies. The fallout of this is fear of discovery and hence it becomes clandestine.
Upon discovery this can yield denial, anger, depression, shame, and so on. As you can see this can lead to a critically hostile psychological and negative environment for both parties. Marriage break ups become a real possibility.
So what to do the million dollar question. This is a personal opinion but firstly religion should not be in the bedroom. Sex is a natural global phenomenon in all of nature and if restrictive may lead to porn as an outlet.
Secondly that easy access to porn (primarily) on the Internet can be a contributing factor as your fantasy world is just a click away.
Thirdly open up real dialogue regarding your partners fantasy. Do so in a manner that is not threatening or judgmental. I can tell you this takes a great deal of courage because nobody wants to be labeled "The Perv" in the relationship. Honesty may be hard to come by in the initial stages so it may be a long process to get at what really paddles your arse to coin a phrase.
Once you have real dialogue going make sex fun and open minded. I am not suggesting that you don't have limits but they should be discussed openly between consenting adults prior to engaging in what you may feel as risky behaviour.
Any addiction encompasses a psycho-social aspect to it not to mention hormonal influences. When you deal with a bf or spouse on this matter understand that they are not in control of the addiction. It has them.
Some may treat it as a mental illness constructing it's own stigma which will drive it even further into secrecy. ...but this isn't the end of it. Psychological and behavioural symptoms may start to merge into day to day life.
Missing work, school, isolation may be a result of extended or multiple masterbation sessions lasting several hours are possible.
The way each person approaches this issue will be unique to them based on their own mental health, world views, up bringing etc.. Know ahead of time that resolution is not guaranteed however but by approaching this in an honest and understanding manner it can go a long way in bring it into the light and worked on.
Sex is the strongest drive next to survival so it is formidable when there is an imbalance.
Remember the way you interpret infidelity and betrayal is yours and not your partners. This just another facet of the overall condition of the relationship so how you understand it whether there is hope of a positive resolution or not.
Sad to say that some relationships will just come to an end. Others will resolve positively or even just endure. The key here is just simply understanding addiction.
There is plenty of research to confirm that fantasies are an integral part of many sexual relationships. If you google the top ten you'll see what I mean.
Sex has become a bargaining commodity in some relationships and in others a sacred bond and if porn enters the picture that has been referenced to as "cheating" when in truth it really it's just the realm of fantasy.
In other societies and religions sex is for the purpose having children and outside of that is considered inappropriate. The western cultures on the other hand market it like your favorite snack food. That's where the problems begin.
Porn has become a sexual commodity and although it has been around for thousands of year certainly in the last 50 years it has exploded in a multi billion dollar industry. It is in your face almost everywhere you look. Let's face it "sex sells ".
However it still remains in the realm of fantasy. Most couples dedicated to each other and live well balanced lives are subjected to those grey and even darker corners just as a part of being human. Your experiences, world views and parenting from your parents/guardians can influence the extent to how you cope to a myriad assaults on your senses throughout your lifetime.
Porn addiction is only one. A friend once said to me " when sh*t happens don't take it personally it's just your turn." This actually lit a bulb for me and by removing that element I was able to look at the issue and not the emotional whirlwind surrounding the problem.
With porn addiction its multi faceted. It's an easy and quick way to feed the beast so to speak and it creates an environment of sexual solitude. In this world there are no judgments on you performance or even to the extent of your fantasy which may offend your partner. Hence in becomes a secret none judgemental place where if you can fall into some very dark fantasies. The fallout of this is fear of discovery and hence it becomes clandestine.
Upon discovery this can yield denial, anger, depression, shame, and so on. As you can see this can lead to a critically hostile psychological and negative environment for both parties. Marriage break ups become a real possibility.
So what to do the million dollar question. This is a personal opinion but firstly religion should not be in the bedroom. Sex is a natural global phenomenon in all of nature and if restrictive may lead to porn as an outlet.
Secondly that easy access to porn (primarily) on the Internet can be a contributing factor as your fantasy world is just a click away.
Thirdly open up real dialogue regarding your partners fantasy. Do so in a manner that is not threatening or judgmental. I can tell you this takes a great deal of courage because nobody wants to be labeled "The Perv" in the relationship. Honesty may be hard to come by in the initial stages so it may be a long process to get at what really paddles your arse to coin a phrase.
Once you have real dialogue going make sex fun and open minded. I am not suggesting that you don't have limits but they should be discussed openly between consenting adults prior to engaging in what you may feel as risky behaviour.
Any addiction encompasses a psycho-social aspect to it not to mention hormonal influences. When you deal with a bf or spouse on this matter understand that they are not in control of the addiction. It has them.
Some may treat it as a mental illness constructing it's own stigma which will drive it even further into secrecy. ...but this isn't the end of it. Psychological and behavioural symptoms may start to merge into day to day life.
Missing work, school, isolation may be a result of extended or multiple masterbation sessions lasting several hours are possible.
The way each person approaches this issue will be unique to them based on their own mental health, world views, up bringing etc.. Know ahead of time that resolution is not guaranteed however but by approaching this in an honest and understanding manner it can go a long way in bring it into the light and worked on.
Sex is the strongest drive next to survival so it is formidable when there is an imbalance.
Remember the way you interpret infidelity and betrayal is yours and not your partners. This just another facet of the overall condition of the relationship so how you understand it whether there is hope of a positive resolution or not.
Sad to say that some relationships will just come to an end. Others will resolve positively or even just endure. The key here is just simply understanding addiction.
Porn does damage relationships. The evidence is too strong to think otherwise. However it may be exacerbated by rigid thinking, moral intolerance and self worth issues that may drive one partner or both apart. This is where the damage actually occurs.
There is plenty of research to confirm that fantasies are an integral part of many sexual relationships. If you google the top ten you'll see what I mean.
Sex has become a bargaining commodity in some relationships and in others a sacred bond and if porn enters the picture that has been referenced to as "cheating" when in truth it really it's just the realm of fantasy.
In other societies and religions sex is for the purpose having children and outside of that is considered inappropriate. The western cultures on the other hand market it like your favorite snack food. That's where the problems begin.
Porn has become a sexual commodity and although it has been around for thousands of year certainly in the last 50 years it has exploded in a multi billion dollar industry. It is in your face almost everywhere you look. Let's face it "sex sells ".
However it still remains in the realm of fantasy. Most couples dedicated to each other and live well balanced lives are subjected to those grey and even darker corners just as a part of being human. Your experiences, world views and parenting from your parents/guardians can influence the extent to how you cope to a myriad assaults on your senses throughout your lifetime.
Porn addiction is only one. A friend once said to me " when sh*t happens don't take it personally it's just your turn." This actually lit a bulb for me and by removing that element I was able to look at the issue and not the emotional whirlwind surrounding the problem.
With porn addiction its multi faceted. It's an easy and quick way to feed the beast so to speak and it creates an environment of sexual solitude. In this world there are no judgments on you performance or even to the extent of your fantasy which may offend your partner. Hence in becomes a secret none judgemental place where if you can fall into some very dark fantasies. The fallout of this is fear of discovery and hence it becomes clandestine.
Upon discovery this can yield denial, anger, depression, shame, and so on. As you can see this can lead to a critically hostile psychological and negative environment for both parties. Marriage break ups become a real possibility.
So what to do the million dollar question. This is a personal opinion but firstly religion should not be in the bedroom. Sex is a natural global phenomenon in all of nature and if restrictive may lead to porn as an outlet.
Secondly that easy access to porn (primarily) on the Internet can be a contributing factor as your fantasy world is just a click away.
Thirdly open up real dialogue regarding your partners fantasy. Do so in a manner that is not threatening or judgmental. I can tell you this takes a great deal of courage because nobody wants to be labeled "The Perv" in the relationship. Honesty may be hard to come by in the initial stages so it may be a long process to get at what really paddles your arse to coin a phrase.
Once you have real dialogue going make sex fun and open minded. I am not suggesting that you don't have limits but they should be discussed openly between consenting adults prior to engaging in what you may feel as risky behaviour.
Any addiction encompasses a psycho-social aspect to it not to mention hormonal influences. When you deal with a bf or spouse on this matter understand that they are not in control of the addiction. It has them.
Some may treat it as a mental illness constructing it's own stigma which will drive it even further into secrecy. ...but this isn't the end of it. Psychological and behavioural symptoms may start to merge into day to day life.
Missing work, school, isolation may be a result of extended or multiple masterbation sessions lasting several hours are possible.
The way each person approaches this issue will be unique to them based on their own mental health, world views, up bringing etc.. Know ahead of time that resolution is not guaranteed however but by approaching this in an honest and understanding manner it can go a long way in bring it into the light and worked on.
Sex is the strongest drive next to survival so it is formidable when there is an imbalance.
Remember the way you interpret infidelity and betrayal is yours and not your partners. This just another facet of the overall condition of the relationship so how you understand it whether there is hope of a positive resolution or not.
Sad to say that some relationships will just come to an end. Others will resolve positively or even just endure. The key here is just simply understanding addiction.
There is plenty of research to confirm that fantasies are an integral part of many sexual relationships. If you google the top ten you'll see what I mean.
Sex has become a bargaining commodity in some relationships and in others a sacred bond and if porn enters the picture that has been referenced to as "cheating" when in truth it really it's just the realm of fantasy.
In other societies and religions sex is for the purpose having children and outside of that is considered inappropriate. The western cultures on the other hand market it like your favorite snack food. That's where the problems begin.
Porn has become a sexual commodity and although it has been around for thousands of year certainly in the last 50 years it has exploded in a multi billion dollar industry. It is in your face almost everywhere you look. Let's face it "sex sells ".
However it still remains in the realm of fantasy. Most couples dedicated to each other and live well balanced lives are subjected to those grey and even darker corners just as a part of being human. Your experiences, world views and parenting from your parents/guardians can influence the extent to how you cope to a myriad assaults on your senses throughout your lifetime.
Porn addiction is only one. A friend once said to me " when sh*t happens don't take it personally it's just your turn." This actually lit a bulb for me and by removing that element I was able to look at the issue and not the emotional whirlwind surrounding the problem.
With porn addiction its multi faceted. It's an easy and quick way to feed the beast so to speak and it creates an environment of sexual solitude. In this world there are no judgments on you performance or even to the extent of your fantasy which may offend your partner. Hence in becomes a secret none judgemental place where if you can fall into some very dark fantasies. The fallout of this is fear of discovery and hence it becomes clandestine.
Upon discovery this can yield denial, anger, depression, shame, and so on. As you can see this can lead to a critically hostile psychological and negative environment for both parties. Marriage break ups become a real possibility.
So what to do the million dollar question. This is a personal opinion but firstly religion should not be in the bedroom. Sex is a natural global phenomenon in all of nature and if restrictive may lead to porn as an outlet.
Secondly that easy access to porn (primarily) on the Internet can be a contributing factor as your fantasy world is just a click away.
Thirdly open up real dialogue regarding your partners fantasy. Do so in a manner that is not threatening or judgmental. I can tell you this takes a great deal of courage because nobody wants to be labeled "The Perv" in the relationship. Honesty may be hard to come by in the initial stages so it may be a long process to get at what really paddles your arse to coin a phrase.
Once you have real dialogue going make sex fun and open minded. I am not suggesting that you don't have limits but they should be discussed openly between consenting adults prior to engaging in what you may feel as risky behaviour.
Any addiction encompasses a psycho-social aspect to it not to mention hormonal influences. When you deal with a bf or spouse on this matter understand that they are not in control of the addiction. It has them.
Some may treat it as a mental illness constructing it's own stigma which will drive it even further into secrecy. ...but this isn't the end of it. Psychological and behavioural symptoms may start to merge into day to day life.
Missing work, school, isolation may be a result of extended or multiple masterbation sessions lasting several hours are possible.
The way each person approaches this issue will be unique to them based on their own mental health, world views, up bringing etc.. Know ahead of time that resolution is not guaranteed however but by approaching this in an honest and understanding manner it can go a long way in bring it into the light and worked on.
Sex is the strongest drive next to survival so it is formidable when there is an imbalance.
Remember the way you interpret infidelity and betrayal is yours and not your partners. This just another facet of the overall condition of the relationship so how you understand it whether there is hope of a positive resolution or not.
Sad to say that some relationships will just come to an end. Others will resolve positively or even just endure. The key here is just simply understanding addiction.
I don't really understand the argument of the porn viewer picturing the porn participants while having sex with their significant others. I am a female and I watch porn. I have friends (male and females) that watch porn. I have NEVER imagined having sex with the people in the porn videos, nor has anyone I ever known. Not once. To me, it is the same as being turned on by some tawdry chapter in a paperback romance from Walmart. Is that cheating?
I understand that the OP may have felt as if she weren't enough for her husband, but really, who doesn't like doing something a bit different in the bedroom? That doesn't make inadequate in your partners eyes. Otherwise, why not get hurt when the suggestion of a new position comes up? Generalizing it and saying that seeing as one persons husband was addicted to porn then went out and slept with a hooker will do nothing other than terrify her into believing that her husband is sleeping with random women off the street. Just because someone watches porn does not mean they will cheat on their partner.
My husband and I both watch porn, separately. I have never felt hurt by it and neither has he. I believe that if someone cheats on their partner, then that is just a part of their moral compass and character. Saying porn made them do it is nothing but a scapegoat. I see it as an escape, and everyone needs an escape. Some people are just not as comfortable with sex as others are. And expecting your partner to never, ever notice another attractive individual again for the rest of their life is just flat out ridiculous.
I believe the real issue is distrust in the relationship. And not just stemming from the porn. If you trusted your partner, then I believe their appreciation of a sexually arousing situation or an attractive person would not cause such an uproar in your relationship. If there is such a level of distrust in the relationship, it probably wont last anyway, porn or not. And I believe trying to convince someone that something they believe to be a normal part of their life is wrong and perverted isn't going to make the relationship stronger. He isn't doing anything illegal, therefore it is something she just doesn't agree with that he obviously sees nothing wrong with. Maybe instead of trying to force her views on him, she needs to assess whether or not it is something she can't accept or something he is in all reality willing to discontinue and continue/end the relationship as the situation calls for rather than trying to mold him into something he is not.
I understand that the OP may have felt as if she weren't enough for her husband, but really, who doesn't like doing something a bit different in the bedroom? That doesn't make inadequate in your partners eyes. Otherwise, why not get hurt when the suggestion of a new position comes up? Generalizing it and saying that seeing as one persons husband was addicted to porn then went out and slept with a hooker will do nothing other than terrify her into believing that her husband is sleeping with random women off the street. Just because someone watches porn does not mean they will cheat on their partner.
My husband and I both watch porn, separately. I have never felt hurt by it and neither has he. I believe that if someone cheats on their partner, then that is just a part of their moral compass and character. Saying porn made them do it is nothing but a scapegoat. I see it as an escape, and everyone needs an escape. Some people are just not as comfortable with sex as others are. And expecting your partner to never, ever notice another attractive individual again for the rest of their life is just flat out ridiculous.
I believe the real issue is distrust in the relationship. And not just stemming from the porn. If you trusted your partner, then I believe their appreciation of a sexually arousing situation or an attractive person would not cause such an uproar in your relationship. If there is such a level of distrust in the relationship, it probably wont last anyway, porn or not. And I believe trying to convince someone that something they believe to be a normal part of their life is wrong and perverted isn't going to make the relationship stronger. He isn't doing anything illegal, therefore it is something she just doesn't agree with that he obviously sees nothing wrong with. Maybe instead of trying to force her views on him, she needs to assess whether or not it is something she can't accept or something he is in all reality willing to discontinue and continue/end the relationship as the situation calls for rather than trying to mold him into something he is not.
Not every guy watches porn. From time to time with me is acceptable for my feelings. But my husband of 8 yrs watches it every ten mins (maybe over stating) but its A LOT &it maked me feel inadequate in our marriage to see the younger tighter women in the porn. He says " its the action" that i like. But how are u watching some other womens tussy and than wanna have sex and not picture that womens stuff. Can't blame it on " not enough sex" cuz we do it up to 6 times daily. & its been 8 yrs. i tried having sex once and he said I'm tried. 30 Mins later when he thought i was sleeping he started watching porn. I MEAN REALLY?!?! how can u pass on the real stuff for nasty rode hard put up wet something?!?! I know i just have to deal with it but what about my hurt about it. He doesnt seem to care.so how do i feal? I told him 2 days ago I would watch with him at least 2xs a week if he would only watch then but 1 hour after he agreed i get on the net and there it is . i don't know. yeah we r married and he choose me but he's fantasies lie elsewhere. If he would just tell me what he wants i would do it. Like i said our sex life is amazing . But what is missing. i guess the fact he's hiding it and deleteing stuff. Only if he knew id do anything for this to stop. It's gotten that bad. Its out of hand. And help is out of the question he won't even think about it. I Yeah i deal with it everyday but I'm suppost to do whatever he wants and i god forbid i do anything he doesn't like. i compromise why can't he?
Completely agree with ForestAnimal. I was desperately looking for answers to my own situation and mostly I read are views that it is "natural". This is not surprising. We live in a pretty screwed up world with sinful acts absolutely everywhere. Most of us fall into it so easily and it can be tough to stray from it. There will always be someone on the prowl to get people to be okay with behaving against God's word whether they believe or not. I think my relationship can still be saved but I know one of the toughest decisions I have to make will come soon (leaving him or not). The feelings of hurt are way to strong and common to just ignore. They are built in us for a reason. Thank you, ForestAnimal, for the most refreshing response and standing up for what you believe. I hope your relationship survives; true love can get through most hardships if both sides want the relationship to work!
I totally agree with you on your reply. Your responses were very helpful. You seem to be a very intelligent person who does their research and presents facts rather than fluff. Your response was helpful to me as I was researching the very same subject matter. Thank you! Hope everyone gets their problems solved. Good luck!
stooop... you're killing me!!! It's like being slapped in the face>>
You are so right though :)
I'm in the same situation now, he just loves porn. I can't make him stop.
They talk so much bull crap - you are the only one who has a point!! well, I think i'm gonna try that book you mentioned, hope my husband will read it
You are so right though :)
I'm in the same situation now, he just loves porn. I can't make him stop.
They talk so much bull crap - you are the only one who has a point!! well, I think i'm gonna try that book you mentioned, hope my husband will read it
To all of you who are saying - It's a man thing - or that's how men are --
ARE YOU KIDDING ME????
********* It is NOT ok. ***********
It affects relationships more than you realize. Do some research on porn addiction and you will see, based on the results, more and more are coming forward with a problem with pornography. Even EX PORN STARS!!!!!
So those who say it's ok - you are obviously un educated on the subject. And stop posting a useless comment!
ARE YOU KIDDING ME????
********* It is NOT ok. ***********
It affects relationships more than you realize. Do some research on porn addiction and you will see, based on the results, more and more are coming forward with a problem with pornography. Even EX PORN STARS!!!!!
So those who say it's ok - you are obviously un educated on the subject. And stop posting a useless comment!
i have been married for 5 years when i frist found out about it i was unreal to me , i even found out that after we had sex the morning after if i left for work early he would watch pron then it just made me sick , after trying to understand him and learning about him being addicted to pron i has come with this he why don't we make our own little movie , maybe he will watch that and leave all them others alone , how wrong was i to ever think that , . with out my knowing , he had gone and post our private movie on the net on a sex website , when i found out about it and blow up , he gave me this i don't know why your up set with me , i told him that i have be trade my trust and i was very up set i got the line for me , other men show of there wife and i want to show of my sexy wife
until this day its hard for me to have sex with him . after he been on the computer due to i don't know if he was on a pron site and im not having it any more im not sure how much longer i can due this due to he will pick fights with me due to not having sex 2 -3 tims a week and if i say something on how i feel i get you should be over that by know
until this day its hard for me to have sex with him . after he been on the computer due to i don't know if he was on a pron site and im not having it any more im not sure how much longer i can due this due to he will pick fights with me due to not having sex 2 -3 tims a week and if i say something on how i feel i get you should be over that by know
I am dealing with the resent discovery of my own boyfriends, 1 1/2 yrs, (possible 12 yr) pron addiction. Like I said pron has it's place, but the way I found out was upsetting. I walked in on him while he was viewing it while sick in bed, supposedly playing video games on his laptop. I had come in to tell him the home made chicken dumpling soup, I had just spent 3 hours making him, was done. I hugged an kissed him and asked how he was feeling. He replied still pretty lousy. I playfully said, "Oh, to bad. I was hoping something else would help more than the soup", as I gave him a little squeeze. He hide it best he could, but I could tell he had just lied to me when I asked what he was up to (because he was hard) and the quick click click closing the screen he was viewing, then closing the cover. I asked him again later what he was really up to when I came in - he lied again, and he knew I wasn't believing him. I let it go until the next morning (waiting a 3rd time for him to redeem himself) and asked for the last time. He finally told me. I was very hurt. Not surprised he viewed it but that he was doing it while I was trying to make him feel better. We had just had sex earlier that morning, which we usually do, plus I was only a room away. I'd have done anything he wanted, even oral if he was to tired to please me. He was only 20' away lusting/wanting, enjoying someone else's body, looks, moves, moans. sexually energy, while I was trying to make him feel better with soup. He didn't want me and that burns. He works out of town 4-5 days a week so is only home on weekends so he gets his alone satisfaction time plenty. So double burn on me. Told me he wasn't feeling well - but well enough to rub one out with having hots for someone else - burn 3. I feel totally disrespected.
This was the first time that happened. I cried a lot, still am 5 days later. I feel so deceived, so inadequate and don't like feeling I must compete or always keep up my appearance (make up, hair done, etc.) I'm seriously thinking of ending it. I'm not naive. I'm 46, was married to great guy for 20 and had 5 other long term relationships after my hubby died. I have a high testosterone level for a woman, so I've always wanted it more than any of the guys I've been with - extremely rare for me to say no to sex or position, etc, an I initiate more than they do - even the 26 yr old I'm dating seriously now. I've used porn a little myself, but mostly with partner as a couples spicing it up thing. I am actively fit (with medical weight problem from food digestion diesease) but only 15-20 extra lb.s. I am still a very attractive, educated, intelligent, caring, fun lady, with 2 teenagers. He is a very intelligent, handsome, caring 26 yr old guy, with a good job and his act together since we've been dating. He quit drinking and smoking so I'd date him and we've been inseparable best friends since. I know, I could chalk it up to his age of not really knowing, but I don't think it's an excuse. If he was hiding it, he knew it would hurt me, an he admitted he knew it, but didn't think about it til after the fact. Of course he said it has nothing to do with me, blah blah blah. He said the sex is way more important to me than it is to him an that he does it to please me. Well, that made me feel a whole lot worse. We have had some major lack of sex there for a few months then down to none for 2 weeks. I said I couldn't take that. He offered no real explanation as to why it was happening when it did. On the second week I said we have a problem an if we can't fix it in a few months then we should move on. He changed by the following weekend ... don't ask me what it was either. IDK. He does have anxiety and some depression (which can contribute to the lack of sex) and possible bi-polar (possible I said). He's was on medication a year ago for anxiety an depression and had been before. The med side affects are to great for him by the time the disorders are under control. He's bouts are more manageable "for him/us" without constant medication. With all the things he has going on, I didn't need porn addiction added to it. We are going to talk this weekend and I have set up an appointment to see my counselor. He sees a psychologist in a few weeks, but this isn't what original appointment was made for. Hopefully he will have the guts to bring it up in addition to what he's going for.
I don't know which is worse when he drank and lied and ditched me on dates (over yr an half ago) or now when he's pleasuring himself using someone else's image to do so an leaving me hanging not getting enough. Sex for me is like 50% of the deal. If you don't need me then why actually become a committed loving couple. I'm not gonna raise a family with him. He can have lots of girls if he wants ... which I guess is sorta what he wants by watching pron. I understand you don't have to put up with their b.s. after (I just go to sleep anyway). Don't know, I'm hurt, confused, an insecure now. My problem for how I feel, but his for disrespecting me. I hate the fact that now I will feel differently during sex with him. I don't feel safe that he won't hurt me emotionally or trust him or believe he actually wants to be with me. I know men who can have sex with just about most women (get it hard I mean) because it is a physical act an they are receiving pleasure. So I know, even if he says see you still get me hard, it's you I want ... not really babe, so can my next store neighbor. It will have little meaning now and for that I am very sad.
Guys would you appreciate your sig/others keeping secrets, sneaking off to watch younger, great looking, hot, sexy, built men with big dics and getting off on it everyday.Tthen be not so into sex with you or have nothing left to give you at all. Even if she did cook dinner and was willing to watch your favorite sport or movies later or whatever it is you appreciate her for? Even if you watched porn with her, and sex would happen between you, but you weren't sure she was really there or just going through the motions? What if she wasn't having an orgasm when you guys had sex anymore? What if she finally told you she was faking it with you after you knew she was watching a lot of pron and getting herself off? What if she only got hot an bothered after watching pron now? Don't tell me you wouldn't start to feel inadequate and wonder what you didn't do right or what they've got that you don't, etc? Would you want her to stop? If she didn't, then what? If she hide it even more, then what? What if after all these years together, you found she had liked porn but didn't tell you and that she had met a guy online (say before you met) in a chat room, that sent her home made videos of himself for her to view. She had a collection of this guy, but had never met. Would you care if she continued to view it? What if she was more sexual than you, higher drive, attractive and got a lot of attention when out, and viewed porn before she left the house? Would any of these situations make you doubt her or yourself in anyway?
T.
This was the first time that happened. I cried a lot, still am 5 days later. I feel so deceived, so inadequate and don't like feeling I must compete or always keep up my appearance (make up, hair done, etc.) I'm seriously thinking of ending it. I'm not naive. I'm 46, was married to great guy for 20 and had 5 other long term relationships after my hubby died. I have a high testosterone level for a woman, so I've always wanted it more than any of the guys I've been with - extremely rare for me to say no to sex or position, etc, an I initiate more than they do - even the 26 yr old I'm dating seriously now. I've used porn a little myself, but mostly with partner as a couples spicing it up thing. I am actively fit (with medical weight problem from food digestion diesease) but only 15-20 extra lb.s. I am still a very attractive, educated, intelligent, caring, fun lady, with 2 teenagers. He is a very intelligent, handsome, caring 26 yr old guy, with a good job and his act together since we've been dating. He quit drinking and smoking so I'd date him and we've been inseparable best friends since. I know, I could chalk it up to his age of not really knowing, but I don't think it's an excuse. If he was hiding it, he knew it would hurt me, an he admitted he knew it, but didn't think about it til after the fact. Of course he said it has nothing to do with me, blah blah blah. He said the sex is way more important to me than it is to him an that he does it to please me. Well, that made me feel a whole lot worse. We have had some major lack of sex there for a few months then down to none for 2 weeks. I said I couldn't take that. He offered no real explanation as to why it was happening when it did. On the second week I said we have a problem an if we can't fix it in a few months then we should move on. He changed by the following weekend ... don't ask me what it was either. IDK. He does have anxiety and some depression (which can contribute to the lack of sex) and possible bi-polar (possible I said). He's was on medication a year ago for anxiety an depression and had been before. The med side affects are to great for him by the time the disorders are under control. He's bouts are more manageable "for him/us" without constant medication. With all the things he has going on, I didn't need porn addiction added to it. We are going to talk this weekend and I have set up an appointment to see my counselor. He sees a psychologist in a few weeks, but this isn't what original appointment was made for. Hopefully he will have the guts to bring it up in addition to what he's going for.
I don't know which is worse when he drank and lied and ditched me on dates (over yr an half ago) or now when he's pleasuring himself using someone else's image to do so an leaving me hanging not getting enough. Sex for me is like 50% of the deal. If you don't need me then why actually become a committed loving couple. I'm not gonna raise a family with him. He can have lots of girls if he wants ... which I guess is sorta what he wants by watching pron. I understand you don't have to put up with their b.s. after (I just go to sleep anyway). Don't know, I'm hurt, confused, an insecure now. My problem for how I feel, but his for disrespecting me. I hate the fact that now I will feel differently during sex with him. I don't feel safe that he won't hurt me emotionally or trust him or believe he actually wants to be with me. I know men who can have sex with just about most women (get it hard I mean) because it is a physical act an they are receiving pleasure. So I know, even if he says see you still get me hard, it's you I want ... not really babe, so can my next store neighbor. It will have little meaning now and for that I am very sad.
Guys would you appreciate your sig/others keeping secrets, sneaking off to watch younger, great looking, hot, sexy, built men with big dics and getting off on it everyday.Tthen be not so into sex with you or have nothing left to give you at all. Even if she did cook dinner and was willing to watch your favorite sport or movies later or whatever it is you appreciate her for? Even if you watched porn with her, and sex would happen between you, but you weren't sure she was really there or just going through the motions? What if she wasn't having an orgasm when you guys had sex anymore? What if she finally told you she was faking it with you after you knew she was watching a lot of pron and getting herself off? What if she only got hot an bothered after watching pron now? Don't tell me you wouldn't start to feel inadequate and wonder what you didn't do right or what they've got that you don't, etc? Would you want her to stop? If she didn't, then what? If she hide it even more, then what? What if after all these years together, you found she had liked porn but didn't tell you and that she had met a guy online (say before you met) in a chat room, that sent her home made videos of himself for her to view. She had a collection of this guy, but had never met. Would you care if she continued to view it? What if she was more sexual than you, higher drive, attractive and got a lot of attention when out, and viewed porn before she left the house? Would any of these situations make you doubt her or yourself in anyway?
T.
I wish all of this were as easy as 1,2,3 as many think. It bothers some an not others that their sig/other gets off while watching/lusting after someone else. To each their own. No one solution will fit all and not all circumstances are the same. I believe the original poster is trying to say how she feels about it, and asking for suggestions on how to either deal with it or help him get over the addiction and herself get over the insecurities. Addiction is not the same as occasionally watching it, and watching it and hiding it is not the same as being asked to watch it with him to get over it. She states how it makes her feel (bad, hurt, inadequate) when he does it and that she's tried to discuss it and offered and tried solutions. Yet, he continued to hide it (deceptive) and lied.
Key factors as I see it. Deceptive, lied and knowingly doing something you know will deeply hurt your sig/other. Having an addiction to it is serious. Addicts have certain personality types and traits. And when they stop one addiction they usually start up with another. They are always in need of finding ways to cope and control their behavior and need support in doing so. There's a huge difference between being an enabler and actually helping them, learn the differences to help, and be strong. Take steps to help yourself first. Counseling if he won't go with you, go alone (clergy or ones that do pro-bono work or sliding scale fees). Educate yourself, and become active in doing things that makes you feel good. You have to be prepared to walk away if he can not change and you can not live with the lies and deception.
I do feel pron has it's place. In my opinion, if a single person not in a committed relationship uses it or if a couple uses it together, or if a loving, sexually committed partner with consent that his sig/other doesn't mind uses it - then it is in it's place. If it is being used and hidden, lied about, hurting the other partners feelings while being used, being abused (as in, it makes you lose sleep, work or your other normal daily activities) it has no place and is a problem.
Men and women alike often say porn, it's a "normal" thing. Or a guy thing. Guys are wired differently, blah blah blah. I say that's a cop out. It's what we as a society have let become "the norm" as it is easier to stay in the dark and easier to agree with than face it's ugly consequences (an the loss of a huge money making industry). Pron has been around since ancient history yes, but the norm? Now masturbation IS a normal thing. I do it myself when he is gone, an I don't need other peoples images to do it with either. I'd rather use some of my boyfriend. We need masturbation to stay healthy, we don't NEED the porn. It doesn't have to be tolerated if it hurts you and the relationship. We all have capacity to change ... if we want to, but we have to want to. If the relationship is worth saving to both and porn is hurting one of you get educated, get help.
T.
Key factors as I see it. Deceptive, lied and knowingly doing something you know will deeply hurt your sig/other. Having an addiction to it is serious. Addicts have certain personality types and traits. And when they stop one addiction they usually start up with another. They are always in need of finding ways to cope and control their behavior and need support in doing so. There's a huge difference between being an enabler and actually helping them, learn the differences to help, and be strong. Take steps to help yourself first. Counseling if he won't go with you, go alone (clergy or ones that do pro-bono work or sliding scale fees). Educate yourself, and become active in doing things that makes you feel good. You have to be prepared to walk away if he can not change and you can not live with the lies and deception.
I do feel pron has it's place. In my opinion, if a single person not in a committed relationship uses it or if a couple uses it together, or if a loving, sexually committed partner with consent that his sig/other doesn't mind uses it - then it is in it's place. If it is being used and hidden, lied about, hurting the other partners feelings while being used, being abused (as in, it makes you lose sleep, work or your other normal daily activities) it has no place and is a problem.
Men and women alike often say porn, it's a "normal" thing. Or a guy thing. Guys are wired differently, blah blah blah. I say that's a cop out. It's what we as a society have let become "the norm" as it is easier to stay in the dark and easier to agree with than face it's ugly consequences (an the loss of a huge money making industry). Pron has been around since ancient history yes, but the norm? Now masturbation IS a normal thing. I do it myself when he is gone, an I don't need other peoples images to do it with either. I'd rather use some of my boyfriend. We need masturbation to stay healthy, we don't NEED the porn. It doesn't have to be tolerated if it hurts you and the relationship. We all have capacity to change ... if we want to, but we have to want to. If the relationship is worth saving to both and porn is hurting one of you get educated, get help.
T.
WELL IT REALLY UP TO YOU WHETHER YOU LEAVE OR NOT HE IS STILL GOING TO DO IT SO MIGHT AS WHILE GET OVER IT I AGREE IT AINT RIGHT BUT WHEN YOU MARRIED HIM YOU MADE A VOW AND YOU CAN'T THROW THAT AWAY JUST BECAUSE OF SOME NASTY SLUTS THAT WANT TO DISGRADE THEMSELVES HEY THEY GUY IS ONLY HUMAN AND HE IS GOING TO LOOK OR GO ON SITES BUT IT'S NOT AS BAD AS EVERYONE PUT IT OUT TO BE (AT LESS I THINK) BUT GOOD LUCK WITH WHATEVER DECISION YOU MAKE
honestly there is nothing wrong with porn. My hubby watches it sometimes and i just laugh. I watch it sometimes and ask him to join me. We usually just laugh at it because its hard to take it seriously. People love sex. end of story. I bet you anything alot more people watch porn then you might think, even if they wont admit it. Sex it so natural, and we need to embrace it.
Im a 45 yr ole man who's been married to the same woman for 26 yrs. Ill look at porn on the computer sometimes, the wife isnt really into it, ive ask her to look and she says no most times. For us, we just try not to take ourselves so damn serious. I can understand how it could make a woman's self esteem be lower or make her feel threaten , but to us it really isnt a big deal. Her sex drive isnt quit as high as mine so she knows i may look at porn and Masterbate. An thats where it ends. When im done it doesnt run through my head constanly. Now if i were neglecting her and doin this , then it would be wrong. And thats just works for us. Plus im a long ways from being perfect. Take care and God Bless u all.
Thanks for your comments. I have found it extremly therapeutic. I am a professional woman and have been with my husband for 17 years. He has always known my strong opposition to porn. I flipped out years ago when discovering video tapes with porn on them, which were subsequently disposed of.
I am not naive and realised that he may still indulge in soft porn 18+ reading material with workmates or away from the house, but have been absolutely gobsmacked by the discovery of hard core offensive porn on his computer.
Up until lately, he had his computer password protected and I asked him why this was so and that such seemed strang to me. Now I know why.
He had hidden the files and obviously thought I would not be computer literate enough to discover them.
Sad thing is we were getting back on track after a short term sepratation four years ago and were trying to have a baby.
After what I saw today, I truly don't think I can ever look at him in the same way. What I saw went well beyond a couple having and enjoying sex. It pushed the boundaries of tolerance.
I am certain that this will be it for the marriage, as I have absolutely no respect for him at this time.
I am not naive and realised that he may still indulge in soft porn 18+ reading material with workmates or away from the house, but have been absolutely gobsmacked by the discovery of hard core offensive porn on his computer.
Up until lately, he had his computer password protected and I asked him why this was so and that such seemed strang to me. Now I know why.
He had hidden the files and obviously thought I would not be computer literate enough to discover them.
Sad thing is we were getting back on track after a short term sepratation four years ago and were trying to have a baby.
After what I saw today, I truly don't think I can ever look at him in the same way. What I saw went well beyond a couple having and enjoying sex. It pushed the boundaries of tolerance.
I am certain that this will be it for the marriage, as I have absolutely no respect for him at this time.
WOW!!!! I am completely blown away by this all together!!! I had a similar issue to the first thread and I felt her pain. Nehow how I feel and what I've done since my issue follows a bit of what everyone has stated!!!! Ok here it goes... Short yet to the piont... I found stuff hidden on his laptop I confronted him he was defensive I put myself in his shoes and I couldnt get it all but some I did. Ok so i told him that I would like to meet him halfway on this. "The deal"- That we watch porn together what we both may like not alone! Not all the time! Will allow downloading pics as long as its a mix and we look together! I stated to him that when he hides it makes me believe that he thinks that what hes doing is wrong. He after a few days and a few talks cuz yes of course he slipped it was habit we went to watch a video and he seemed irritated he turned it off and I was like what are you doing and he said "IT DOESNT FEEL RIGHT" i thought what didnt and he said to me "It just feels wrong not doing it with you just doing it... " I was weirded out and since then its been rare and he doesnt act weird or be secrative when hes on the computer. HELL YEAH it broke my heart and I felt hurt like as if I wasnt enough!!! But it's not about that to each is there own and when you love someone you teach them help them and never join them. When I say join I dont mean dig in if its what you despise. I enjoy it all just not like that!!! I have my own preference and he has his. I believe that it should be controlled and anyone can disagree with that if theyd like it doesnt matter anyones opinion but I know after experience that one thing is true no matter who says different.... "FAMILIARITY BREATHES CONTEMPT" You become so use to something and you enjoy it there for you indulge in it!!!!! It's like it's never enough! You allow it as he does it and hell look outside at woman and yes it is almost always SEXUAL!!!!!!!! But before anyone gets upset I STRONGLY FEEL 100% THAT IF YOU ARE MAKING YOURSELF HURT OVER SOMEONE ELSES PROBLEMS THAN WALK AWAY!!!! YOU ARE WHATS MOST IMPORTANT SO YOU MUST TAKE CARE OF YOU AND DO WHATS BEST FOR YOU AND THEN STICK BY IT!!!! HAVE MORALS AND VALUES!!!! DONT PUT THE BLAME OF YOUR HURT ON ANYONE ELSE!!! ONLY YOU CAN CAUSE YOUR OWN PAIN!!!! ITS WHAT YOU FEEL!!! MOVE ON THERE IS BETTER AWAITING YOU!!! YOU SHOULD BE RESPECTING EVERY MOMENT AND CARRY IT WITH PRIDE THEREFORE MAKING EVERY STEP EASIER AND EASIER!!!! YOU REAP WHAT YOU SEW!!! SIT IN THEREFORE YOU STAY IN IT!!! NO ONE THINKS ABOUT WHATS GOOD FOR THEM ANYMORE!!! WORRY ABOUT YOUR WELL BEING AND ADIOS ALL!!!!
Thank you so much for saying that it's not her...! My boyfriend of two and a half years is addicted also and every time I find something he's looked at, I feel inadequate. I first thought it was just a little here a little there and maybe he would want to watch it together... but NO! He has never even tried to watch it with me. I have searched our computer and he's so sneaky --he has been viewing it right in front of my face without me knowing. He hides it, he does it when I'm not around. He does it every single day! What to do about this, I don't know! I have confronted him, embarrassed him, begged him, pleaded with him and genuinely asked him to stop, but still he continues. He tells me he is ashamed and embarrassed and wants to stop, but no real progress has been made. I even told him if I see it again I am moving out...that doesn't even matter. He just hides it better and deletes everything!! I am at my whitts end here on this. He "was" the man I thought I would marry, but with his continued disregard for my feelings---I know I can't move further with him. This addiction truly is a sickness and it's so sad because it ruins your relationship and it has truly made me look and think of him with disgust! When I think about him, all I can think is....what a freakin pervert! The thing is...I would be willing to do anything with him that he's watching...the raunchy things he's watching, he has NEVER tried on me.... What do you do when your boyfriend is caught up in this evil little world of his???
lmao !!.... i ts just porn!!!.... who cares!!.. you do pron in your bedroom, these girls just make good money doing it for the world to see, to each is own!!!.....he isnt cheating on you, he is just looking!!....... stop trippin!....watch it with him!
I can guarentee this is not about you. I am a married male who has strugled with a porn addiction for 8 years. It began after our second son was born. Like drug use, alchohol sex, not everyone get addicted to this. But some of us do. I can tell you this. I can go a long time without viewing anything, I can even sometimes view some and let it go, but other times, I can't stop myself. If I am depressed I can fall into this trap very easily. I can spend a whole day in front of the computer downloading and hoarding it. When I am off the wagon I know I have to stop, and I know if I get caught my wife will kill me, but I can't stop myself. a few things you should know
I love my wife
I have never physically cheated on her (you can debate whether porn is cheating all you want.)
I am currently on the wagon and hope to stay that way.
I would encourage you to talk. It is embarassing for him, but when I have gotten caught in the past the cold shoulder just made me more resentful and kept me wanting to go back.
A few points to some of the others who have posted on here.
A. don't tell her to get over it this is a real problem for some.
B. I don't think the porn industry is to blame for my addiction
C. Some men can watch and not have a problem
D. This is a bigger problem in the US than some may think
I love my wife
I have never physically cheated on her (you can debate whether porn is cheating all you want.)
I am currently on the wagon and hope to stay that way.
I would encourage you to talk. It is embarassing for him, but when I have gotten caught in the past the cold shoulder just made me more resentful and kept me wanting to go back.
A few points to some of the others who have posted on here.
A. don't tell her to get over it this is a real problem for some.
B. I don't think the porn industry is to blame for my addiction
C. Some men can watch and not have a problem
D. This is a bigger problem in the US than some may think
how often does you husband watch it?
if he has to do it all day every day, then there is a problem.
my boyfriend watches it. sometimes he watches it alone, sometimes with me,
personally i don't get arroused from it but i can honestly say i have learned some things that i've seen watching it, i've done to my boyfriend that really turns him on.
different positions, different ways of doing something.
it also keeps him at bay when i'm not home so he doesn't have to go out and mess around
if he has to do it all day every day, then there is a problem.
my boyfriend watches it. sometimes he watches it alone, sometimes with me,
personally i don't get arroused from it but i can honestly say i have learned some things that i've seen watching it, i've done to my boyfriend that really turns him on.
different positions, different ways of doing something.
it also keeps him at bay when i'm not home so he doesn't have to go out and mess around
WOW! This is a touchy subject and I would like to add my two cents briefly. Porn is not intended to between a husband and wife. I was decieved by involving myself with the porn in my sexual relations with my husband who also was addicted. It was fun and we loved to play and do other things. However, it was what it was an addiction for him and I fed his addiction. A man that likes to do drugs and feel that high from cocaine, crack or whatever, you don't give him the drugs so he can feel good. YOU HELP HIM fight it!!
Anyway for everyone that thinks porn is harmless, my husband was very addictived to porn and soon became a reality because he wanted to live it and went out one night and slept with a prostitute and THAT WAS THE END OF OUR FUN!! Is it just harmless? Porn as someone said before is inteded to be addictive and sex is intended to be between a husband and wife and the only thing that should be between is GOD!
Anyway for everyone that thinks porn is harmless, my husband was very addictived to porn and soon became a reality because he wanted to live it and went out one night and slept with a prostitute and THAT WAS THE END OF OUR FUN!! Is it just harmless? Porn as someone said before is inteded to be addictive and sex is intended to be between a husband and wife and the only thing that should be between is GOD!
Men are dogs we cant help it.You may think Porn is ruining your marriage but has also helped a few marriges out by spiceing things up abit.I know this sounds alittle extreme but try watching some porn with him.You may find out a few things about each other.It may be alittle uncomfortable at first but you may get a glimps at his fantasies and you may very well see a few things you like or may want to try.The fact of the matter is men produce alot of Testosterone and DHT and we have stong sex drives(some dudes just have stronger sex drives than others).Its a fact that men including married men "Jerk the Gerkin" at least once a week unless somethings wrong.Beleive me if he had a low sex drive that would probably tare your marrige asunder quicker than anything...Iv seen it happen.We men are sexual creatures by genetic design.I would suggest you use his sexual urges to your advantage and explore things you'd like to try...he wont arrgue I promise.
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