Advice/suggestions for painful/swollen labia during sex

[fortunatebangles]

Good evening, all.  I could really use some help from any women (or men who've also experienced this with their partner) in finding some sort of solution to what my girlfriend and I have been going through.

She and I have been together for nearly a year, and for the last nine months there have been many occasions in which her labia (and at times her introitus) becomes excruciating and painfully inflamed and even somewhat rigid to the touch during intercourse.

At first, thinking it a problem with being too vigorous, we tried more gentle approaches to things, followed by less friction generating positions, and different lubricants, from water- and silicon-based to coconut oil.  Unfortunately, sometimes it happened while other times it didn't, regardless of repeating what worked well on other occasions.

STDs have been ruled out, as have yeast infections through multiple visits to her gyno, precautionary treatments, and the introduction of probiotics.  Still, the problem persists, though, again, not always.  I love foreplay, so that's a non-issue, and she's always very "aquatically excited" to see me.  

We're both at a loss, and I completely love this woman and absolutely hate the idea of causing her such pain and discomfort given how much we love having sex and how often we try to.  Understandably, however, frequency has lessened, but after spending a couple of weeks without sex and having it happen all over when we tried again, well, it's very upsetting and frustrating for both of us.

All that said: any ideas, thoughts, suggestions?  Anything that worked for you if you've ever dealt with this problem or something similar?

Thanks, all.  Any help is appreciated!

[Dalubaba]

Pragmatic advice indeed.

[thunderseed]

If EVERYTHING has been ruled out and your doctor has no idea what it is, you could look into it being psychological. The thing is, women are extremely sensitive down there and I am convinced this is connected to our emotions, and if there is even just one tiny thing bothering us or off in our sexuality, we can experience a lot of pain and discomfort. Being a recovered sex addict I know this very well. What I know to be a norm is, that as a woman feels emotionally uncomfortable, she will also feel physically uncomfortable, if there is something deeper bothering her, this can manifest into pain, causing both partners to have to take a new approach. Every time this has happened to me, I have been able to talk with my partner and establish a new way of doing things.
It sounds like you guys are fairly comfortable, but it may be worth looking into if there is something that needs to change with your sexual habits.
Remember to be completely honest with eachother about your sexual needs.


There were actually quite a few times in my past where I experienced what they call phantom pains. Once when I had a tumor growing on my urethra, they removed it surgically. But the experience was so traumatizing to me that even after it was all healed, I continued to feel excruciating pain and this kept me from masturbation and sex for what I considered to be a long time, which only stressed me out even more, causing it to worsen. This pain felt so real to me but after going to many professionals they finally said, it was a phantom pain, caused by my trauma.
They were right because when I decided to face it and deal with my emotional fear, it went away.

[fortunatebangles]

Hit the wrong button heh, but I greatly appreciate any thoughts you might add.  Just for the record, I've also made sure to treat myself with monistat and coconut oil topically in the event we might have been trading a yeast infection back and forth.  I also abstained from alcohol for a couple of weeks to see if that influenced anything.  Again, no solid patterns emerged with those either.