For all of my life ive been heterosexual but these past few years have made me think otherwise. I am 19 years old and am struggling to find my sexual identity. I've always been attracted to women, have had multiple relationships, and have had sex numerous times but for some odd reason i can feel myself being slightly attracted to those of the same sex. When i have a homosexual thoughts it drives me crazy, i try so hard to get rid of it in my head it just takes over and i cant stop thinking about it. It's almost if the pure anxiety of the thought makes the thought manifest in my head. Sometimes when a homosexual thought pops into my head i get slightly aroused but am disgusted by it, i get aroused probably 20% of the time. When i see a homosexual interaction i feel slightly aroused by it as well but, i cant tell if its the pure sexuality of the nudity that slightly arouses me or i am simply attracted to men. Ive also tried materbating to gay porn but i simply coudlnt do it. i am constantly checking if a certain something turns me on to reassure my heterosexuality or prove that am in fact homosexual. i masterbate to women and get off to women and absolutely love everything about them. I've never had a homosexual interaction nor do i want to, but i feel as if my body wants me to for some odd reason.
i have read a whole lot on HOCD and i do fall under a lot of those categories but i do not know if im just simply in denial or not. If you could help me that would be great.