I've been with my husband for 13 years, married for 18 months. In that time I've had maybe 4 orgasms with him. I've tried to tell him and show him before what I need but I feel quite uncomfortable talking to him about things as he gets uncomfortable. He doesn't like talking about things such as periods, I've never heard him use the word clitoris! One of my labia is a lot longer than the other and I asked him recently if he's ever minded this and he didnt know what I was talking about which kind of says it all. He hasn't gone down on me in about 10 years, I never got the impression he liked it. I've been avoiding sex for a while, we only do it about twice a month at best, and I'm often left in tears of frustration. When he comes he'll make to stop, I'll say what about me, and he might start to touch me but I don't feel he really wants to and if I say dont worry about it he's like, ok. I know I'm giving mixed messages but I want him to WANT me to ***, it takes nothing at all from his pleasure if I dont and I want it to matter to him. I've said so much about it over the years, and I've tried to touch myself during sex but he doesn't like it, and he said he wishes I could come the "normal" way which hurt a lot. The other night though he was really trying, and I realised I just do no think of him like that anymore, I really hate sex now with him though I constantly fantasise about others. Can I become attracted again? It was never red hot, just nice, but I feel he'll never be able to be as open and as earthy (if you know what I mean) as I want. He's a great guy in most other ways, but I'm mid-30s now and I can't imagine another 20-30 years of being sexually unfulfilled. As is he I'm sure, because he doesn't get it as often as he'd like because I make excuses. Sorry that's so long!
And second, there used to be a magazine, called Forum it covered sexual relationshps, and they put out two books called The Sex Life Letters and More Sex Life Letters, and a third called The Sex Life File, these may go back to the 70s/80s, but sex is sex, and not much has changed when it comes to straight sex, good reading for both of you, andf you can get these from Amazon, I do have a very good bed side book but cant think of its name and cant put my hand on it, its an english book on foreplay both his and hers, covers most things, I will search it out.
Good Luck