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Avatar universal

Debate: is watching porn cheating?

I know everyone has their own opinions, I am curious what you guys think.  Is it ok to masturbate watching porn, or is that a form of betraying your significant other?  Or is it circumstancial, and up to the people in each individual relationship to decide together?
129 Responses
Avatar universal
i dont believe its cheating but if your significant other doesn't like it i think its still wrong to lie and you should respect their wishes, but no i dont believe its cheeting so long as you are still sexual with that significant other
177641 tn?1189755837
I think it's cheating when confiding your sexual needs - even to random images or videos - takes priority over confiding to your partner. Plus it really depends on the people in the relationship. I think if you still prefer to be sexual with your partner, then it's probably not a big deal. It seems to boil down to how much you believe your partner's desire to look at porn is a reflection of how they feel about you. I can certainly understand why, in relationships where two people have drifted apart, adding pornography into the mix can be so threatening - it can really reinforce the message that *you* no longer meet my needs.
332074 tn?1229560525
I think that if it take priority over sex with your partner then it is a bad thing. However, if you can do it and still maintain and active sex life then I see no problem with it.
202436 tn?1326474333
I think it's a form of betrayal...when you are with someone you should be with them mind, body and soul.  You shouldn't have a need to see any other person naked.

I've been dealing with a type of sexual addiction with my husband.  It's degrading to the other person.  It can make them feel insignificant, not good enough, ugly, betrayed...and so on.

Some people have no problems with pornography but like another post said, if your partner has a problem with it then it shouldn't be done.  

There is also the the fact that the other person may begin to feel that their partner is "envisioning" other people during their own sexual activity.  

Sorry, this is a very touchy subject for me.  
Avatar universal
I agree with jml1986.  If you can still provide the same level of sexual pleasure for your partner than it's completley fine.  I've never even heard the debate of masturbating being a form of cheating though.  The only way it would be wrong i suppose, is if your partner is hurt by it.  Just be truthful with him/her and see how they feel about it.
Avatar universal
So many ways to look at the porn situation, I have been a person that has purchased porn movies a few times over many years, to me they are a waste of time, I can say that after watching and masturbating to porn I feel that I have done something wrong and finish up whacking the DVD or Video Tape with a hammer and chucking it in a trash can.

I do believe there are relationships where one partner or the other has a much stronger sex  drive than the other, in such cases porn and masturbation can be of some benifit but only if a person does just that and does not stray into a real life sex relationship, of course that can ruin everything.

I am now 64 yrs old and have been married three times, I have had sexual relationships with nine different women, I have never had a one night stand, two of the women I had a sexual relationship were very very hot sexed, I thought I was in heaven, funny I would not have married either of them, the other seven would be what I would regard as being normal, sadly though my previous two wives came on strong for a few months and then my sex life started to dwindle to the point where I looked at porn, I have masturbated since I was 12 and at no time have I ever stopped, mainly because I did not have a decent sexual relationship with my partner, problems being eg, making an appointment for love making on Sundays after the late night movie on TV when I had to get up for work at 4.30am, no wonder I masturbated.

My current wife who I love dearly and have been with for over 20 years had a wonderful sexual relationship for many years, she now 66 years old and not feeling as sexy as she used to encourages me to look at internet porn and masturbate, this I do about 3 times per week, she is happy that I dont keep on at her about sex and I am happy because I feel good because I am not cheating on her or being a general pain in the backside.

As far as a partner feeling cheated by a spouse masturbating while watching porn this can be male or female, do husbands feel cheated because a wife is watching a porn star with a penis like a hammer handle having sex with a woman?, IMO people that feel as though their spouse is cheating on them are insecure about the relationship in the first place, there is an old saying " Where there is no trust there is no love and where there is no love there is no trust".

Having said all this because of my faith I do have a personal fight within myself, it is as though there are two people, one the guy that loves nature and its creator the other a sexual being that needs to be satisfied sexualy, its not easy.
Avatar universal
Me and my wife both masturbate and still keep a very good sex life. We each do it because the other is not around or it helps to releive our stress of the day. Its just another sexual outlet that each of us agrees that its ok.
Avatar universal
I think of it is an odd form of cheating- just more plainly disrespectful. I do not watch porn, neither does my boyfriend.  We're ok with masturbating without each other, but we do it without looking at other people.  We watched it once together but realized it was just plain odd to be looking at other naked people.
Avatar universal
Porn is not my thing . But what about play boy books , thinking about hot movie stars when you masturbate  Where  would you draw the line for cheating ? If your partner is not OK with it then I think it"s disrespectful , but not cheating . I think alot of guys would try and stop if their partners / wife would give them a satisfying sex life .
228936 tn?1249094248
Watching porn can be destructive. I've know drug addicts that relapsed on drugs after watching porn and others that commited rapes and other crimes after watching porn. Have real sex, not virtual sex.
Avatar universal
To much of anything isn't good for you, that's a fore-gone-conclusion, But on the other hand if the porn if shared together,  it can help  induce some spice into a dull relationship. Most men and women" Masturbate" and as long as both gender serve each others sexual needs,wht's the gig deal on how we go about it?
246464 tn?1249452147
Cheating is doing something emotional or sexual behind the back of your partner, or agaist the wishes of your partner. That is what i have come to believe.

Porn is a gray area as it is being a sexual voyeur, not an active participant other than possible masturbation.

If it is an area you have discussed and he still is actively persuing porn? You guys need to seek therapy to get it figured out.
Avatar universal
Yes...it invites and includes other parties into what should be an exclusive, intimate relationship...sounds like cheating to me.
Avatar universal
"Cheating" is a relative term.  Is it cheating if your partner willingly and eagerly let's you have sex with other people?  No.  So whether or not it's okay to watch porn depends on how your partner feels about it.  
228936 tn?1249094248
it just symantics weather it's cheating or not. Porn is bad and comes from abused people and nothing good comes from it.
Avatar universal
In a perfect world, there would be no pornography, including Playboy.  Everyone is different.  Male or female, some are more sexual than others.  Many (most?) men think they want sex 24 hours a day.  Porn can provide an outlet for singles, depending upon one's moral views.  For those that are married, it is a different issue.  The feeling I get from some married men is that once the couple has a child, sex goes by the wayside.  Some feel that sex goes down in level from before marriage even without kids, as the wife does not have the interest as before.  Those that are married, know that marriage takes work, and often it takes work to keep sex at the forefront.  I know that porn can actually increase sexual relations between partners, as it increases interest or motivates the one watching it, usually the male, as long as it is not bad porn, as there are many types.  I would say that if a couple is having frequent enough sexual encounters and these encounters are interesting to both parties then porn would mostly not be necessary, since no other outlet would be needed.  Communication is prime.  Some men would rather view porn on the sly than be forthright with their wives and say that they want a blowjob or want to perform analingus and so on.
228936 tn?1249094248
analingus? doesn't sound too apetizing. Porn is made by criminals for suckers!
Avatar universal
Umm...is everyone here crazy?  How the heck is watching porn cheating?  Regardless if your partner knows about it or not, you can watch porn all you want and masturbate, and it's not considered cheating.  You're not physically involved with another person, and you're not in love with the porn star...you're simply using the visuals to help you climax.  I know one thing girls have a hard time understanding is that guys get off on visuals while girls get off on emotional stuff.  Just because a guy watches another girl have sex and gets off on it doesn't mean that's cheating, and anyone who thinks so will never be happy in their lives, because MOST GUYS WATCH PORN, whether they tell their significant others or not.
Avatar universal
I am so sick of sexually weird men, it seems to come with middle age whereupon guys act like teenage boys and it is really a turn off.  I work with so many guys and find the older ( than me) ones are the sickest.  The young attractive guys seem to be able to pull lots of women for sex rather than sit sadly in a dark corner playing around with themselves to images on the computer.  I have a dilemma here in that I am often asked out by good looking young guys, I know its just sexual, whereas my partner has this odd porn secret.  This year I found out the extent of his problem by checking the computers yet some stuff is shelled or has extensions I can't open. If I do open them or find links it just makes me cry and feel suicidal. Should I have sex with better looking young guys to compenstate? I feel like dragging home some lads for some real live action sometimes, its hard to keep saying no when I feel so betrayed.

Why do middle aged men turn into such freaks? It makes me cringe and the exploitation of women in the porn industry is truly awful in the 21st century. We can't evolve as a race whilst this absolute animalism continues without protest from women all over the world.

I love the internet for the free information it brings, but the on line porn world is a great threat to all women. My life has been so messed up by the discovery that my partner is in fact a sick liar and I can trust or look after him anymore.

If I find anything to do with youngsters ( under 14/15) this will go straight to the police - I'd see him locked up for any underage images.  

Yet I loved him so much before this - now I am on guard and suspicious and it is making my life hell.  After all our years together I now might have to destroy my partner to survive with my head held up. I've loved and supported him for too long.

So think on old men - you are destroying those you are supposed to love. If there is any justice in this world you'll end up dying on your own in a one bed flat and not one on line female porn victim will care.  Your long suffering wives long gone due to your lies and sickness.

Can't wait to see his face when I bring home a real life good looker - do "it" on his PC table most probably.  I just have to say "yes" to better quality young guys.

So screwed up with this on line porn I am all over the place.
568812 tn?1379165794
I don't think porn is cheating at all. Neither does my boyfriend. I watch porn now and again and my bf knows I do and isn't at all bothered by it. He doesn't watch it cause he finds it repetitive (why watch two hours or so of people doing the same thing? He says lol) cheating is personally getting involved with someone else in a way that should only be allowed with your partner etc.
Avatar universal
I think watching porn is fine! ... and i'm a girl. I watch porn and invite my boyfriend too. Sometimes we watch it together and i sometimes offer to let him watch porn while I give him a **, but he always refuses. I think porn gives us new ideas for our own sex lives and helps us to be open minded - but that's just our relationship!
1060231 tn?1338390135
no its not a for of cheating,your only doing it for one reason and thats to get off.your not fanticising obout being with that person.your just using it as a tool.its what their doing that your interested in not the person themselves.i'm sure your boyfriend watches porn also for the same reason.once you satify yourself what do you do ?you shut it down and forget about it.s your fine doing that and don't feel guilty because you have done nothing wrong.i hope i have been of some help to you
686059 tn?1293833827
Porn is addictive, inmoral and destructive to the very core of a healthy relationship and family values. If you are married and masterbating to porn, yes, it's not only cheating, but adultery, because you are sexually pleasing yourself with an image that is not of your wife, so it is not only cheating, but adultery...if married!
539549 tn?1315981662
I don't think porn is cheating,...
alot of women think it is but their views about sex are off
because most guys will watch regaurdless of wether or not your okay with it
I watch pretty much everynight and I see it as a useful tool
however,....
when its getting to the point where you feel you don't want or need your partner sexauly
then its a problem
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