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How can I feel pleasure in my penis again?
My boyfriend and I started dating 2 and a half years ago. On the first occasion that we decided to mess around, we smoked some marijuana, and as is usual for me when it comes to trying to be intimate with someone, my anxiety level was very high. Also, I am the first circumcised man he had ever been with. He was trying to give me a handjob and it wasn’t doing anything for me, so I told him to squeeze his hand tighter. Unfortunately, he applied way too much pressure and due to my anxiety mixed with the mental slowness of being high, I endured at least 10 seconds of excruciating pain before speaking up and telling him to stop. The skin at the tip of my penis, above and below the urethra opening, seemed to have torn. Below the urethra the tear goes across the ridges where the left and right side of the glans meet, a very sensitive area, and the tear appears as an indentation with a dark coloring. After this incident, trying to stimulate my penis using lube or saliva would cause a sensation similar to a rug burn that was very unpleasant, it felt like something was not right, and resulted in our sex life becoming nonexistent. The resulting pain was so horrible I avoided masturbating other than once or twice a month to check if it had yet returned to normal. Any advances by my boyfriend I turned down, as anything that gave me an Erection I associated with intense uncomfortable pain at the tip of my penis, which is where the majority of pleasurable sensations used to be concentrated. What was even worse was that randomly throughout my day my penis would start hurting for a couple minutes, it almost felt like a paper cut at the tip of my penis. It made it impossible to not constantly be thinking about what had happened, and regretting that brief moment years ago that resulted in this problem. I finally built up the courage a year ago to see a doctor and have them take a look. I did not go into further details with my doctor other than that I had had “rough sex”. My female doctor had a male doctor come in to give his opinion, and I assume she did not relay much of what I had told her, because after looking for a brief second he told me “it’s just your anatomy”. In that moment I was relieved I didn’t have to talk about my personal matters with a stranger anymore, so I did not protest. However, this situation has caused bouts of terrible depression and put a lot of strain on my relationship. Fortunately, I have been applying a penile health cream called “Man 1 Man Oil” daily for a couple months and I am now at the point where I no longer have random pain, and when masturbating there is no longer any pain. However, the pain has been replaced by ...nothing. The tingly pleasant sensation I used to have at the tip of my penis is completely gone, almost like the head is numb. Because of this my sex drive is nearly non existent. My penis functions normally, I am able to reach orgasm and ejaculate, but it is void of any satisfaction or pleasure, which just makes me feel worse and terribly frustrated. While it is still apparent my penis has suffered a physical injury(the tears are still visible), I have considered the possibility that it is just psychological at this point, since I could now be associating sexual stimulation with that discomfort and pain I was feeling for 2 years. But I also think there may be nerve damage. My first thought is that where the tear occurs it needs to be stitched back together, but I don’t know if that is even possible. Has anyone seen a situation like this, or have recommendations on what specifically I need to say to my doctor in order for her to refer me to an appropriate specialist?Thank you for any help. It is much appreciated, as I really hope this is not a lifelong affliction I must now live with.
You have to absolutely tell the doctor everything. I know it might be embarrassing but if you don't get the correct treatment, you will be dropping your drawers for a lot of doctors for a long time. Unfortunately, I have had penile issues for 50 years and dropped my drawers for so many doctors and nurses that I don't even care anymore. I no longer get an erection when being examined by even the hottest doctors. If only they had treated the real problem way back when I was 3. Talk to a urologist and tell him or her EVERYTHING.
1 Comments
Good advice...
First, I think you need to find a new doctor, and if someone says, "that's just your anatomy", you need to be able to counter that.
That leads me to my next point, which is that I wonder if you've ever had therapy for your anxiety. It seems that this could be physical AND psychological, and unless you address both, it won't get better.
I always say to rule out the physical first, but you have to be able to fully explain to the doctor - yes, a stranger - what happened, and what you have been able to do (masturbating with no pain, but no pleasure), using the cream, etc), and get a full exam. I promise you that nothing you have said here is anywhere near the "worst" thing the doctor has heard. I know it's personal and intimate for you, but for the doctor, your penis is just like your knee or stomach.
I don't know if the tear can be stitched back together now - it probably depends on how it healed, where the tear is, etc. A good urologist will be able to tell you that. Oh and yes - see a urologist, not a regular doctor.
It wouldn't be surprising if some of this is psychological. You had a trauma to the area, and had some serious pain from that, and had pain for a couple of years after. I imagine we'd all have lingering issues after. I'm quite sure I would. I don't know why you had anxiety about intimacy prior to all of this, but that can be addressed, too.
I'm not saying it will be easy. It probably won't. But imagine how good it will feel after it's all done - maybe in 6 months or whatever - and you'll have gotten through the hard work. :)
That leads me to my next point, which is that I wonder if you've ever had therapy for your anxiety. It seems that this could be physical AND psychological, and unless you address both, it won't get better.
I always say to rule out the physical first, but you have to be able to fully explain to the doctor - yes, a stranger - what happened, and what you have been able to do (masturbating with no pain, but no pleasure), using the cream, etc), and get a full exam. I promise you that nothing you have said here is anywhere near the "worst" thing the doctor has heard. I know it's personal and intimate for you, but for the doctor, your penis is just like your knee or stomach.
I don't know if the tear can be stitched back together now - it probably depends on how it healed, where the tear is, etc. A good urologist will be able to tell you that. Oh and yes - see a urologist, not a regular doctor.
It wouldn't be surprising if some of this is psychological. You had a trauma to the area, and had some serious pain from that, and had pain for a couple of years after. I imagine we'd all have lingering issues after. I'm quite sure I would. I don't know why you had anxiety about intimacy prior to all of this, but that can be addressed, too.
I'm not saying it will be easy. It probably won't. But imagine how good it will feel after it's all done - maybe in 6 months or whatever - and you'll have gotten through the hard work. :)
3 Comments
Once again, excellent advice, aubtiejessi. I agree w/ evthg you said - the hardest part is gong to be telling the Dr exactly what’s occurring & what led to it, but as you said, the Dr most likely will have heard much more embarrassing things.
I have finally just now visited a urologist for the problem. He diagnosed me with meatal stenosis, and wants to schedule me to have the urethra opening stretched larger. This seems counter intuitive to me and I’m definitely going to let the next doctor I see know that I’m skeptical this would solve my problem. I am going to show them a picture of the hole when my penis is erect, maybe that will make it easier for them to see what’s going on. It’s a little frustrating to feel like they are not understanding the problem, but at the same time I am happy to be actually pursuing answers. I’m becoming much more comfortable discussing this now, and appreciate your encouragement which helped me a lot!
Thanks for the update!
Definitely get a second opinion if you aren't sure about the treatment plan, or ask the doctor to explain it to you until you understand how it will work.
I'm happy to hear you're becoming more comfortable discussing this, and I hope you get some relief for this soon. :) Keep us updated!
Definitely get a second opinion if you aren't sure about the treatment plan, or ask the doctor to explain it to you until you understand how it will work.
I'm happy to hear you're becoming more comfortable discussing this, and I hope you get some relief for this soon. :) Keep us updated!
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