Well I have an answer for you I'm 68 3 months close to 69 and I had ED problems so I went to my urologist and he set me up on hormone replacement therapy so that's a shot of testosterone ,200 mgs once a week and so I take a 5mg pill of cialis every day and a 20mg pill of Sildenafil a day too ,they don't really get me really hard unless I'm getting ready for sex so then I'll take another cialis and maybe another sildenafil or two but I'm rock hard after a couple of hours but the secret is to take the cialis every day plus you will need testosterone replacement therapy too and problem solved it's so easy I did this myself just by going online and looking , you need to go to your doctor and have blood work done to see your test level depending on your age I just had mine done I was over 1400 and my doctor freaked out but I felt good at that range my **** was hard as a rock every single morning and quite a few times during the day I felt like I was 18 but my doctor said it was to high and took me off it for the first time in 8 years so I can feel myself slowly declining until I do another blood test the first week in June then I'll be back in action but I had to do what my urologist wants me to do because he will shut me off but then theres always the black market stuff that's so awesome but it put's my test level into the Ozone . OK well I hope I've helped some of you guys because this is a really easy fix but the doctors make it look so difficult .. EASY FIX . yahoo ...
Your wife sounds a tad bit insecure. But it is natural to feel a little responsible if someone can not maintain an erection with them. I can understand that. Do you do anything to take your mind off of things prior to intimacy with your spouse? Get a good fantasy going in your head? I mean, let your mind relax and go where it goes. And it does compound. Nervous about lack of erection leading to more lack of erection. Definitely that happens. So, what about stress and anxiety? Working on that in general may also make things better for you. It sounds like you care for and want to be with your wife. great!! And you care for her feelings. The other option is to go to your doctor and invite her and talk about erectile dysfunction. It's a condition! It's not personal. And I agree with Auntjessie that other intimate things that make her feel sexy, adored and loved will go a LONG way in a long term relationship.
Speaking from a woman in her 50s point of view here -
Do you show her in other ways that you are still attracted to her? Do you still tell her she's beautiful? Are you affectionate in non-sexual ways?
I agree with Pax about having your wife sit down with your doctor. It's not great that she isn't believing you and that her self-esteem is so low that she assumes it's her. If you've been really honest with her about what you're going through, it seems she'd believe you.
Are you doing everything you can to treat your anxiety? Are you in therapy? Have you talked to your doctor about it? ED can also be a sign of health problems - maybe some you don't know you have yet - or maybe it's a side effect of one or more of your meds, so talking to your doctor would be a great start if they don't already know.
If my husband had ED, but wasn't taking the steps to address it, if possible, I'd probably wonder if he just wasn't that into me, too.
Like any other anxiety thought that gets in the way, you have to learn to let that thought go. Don't know if therapy would help or not, but it might. Meditation might help relax your whole system. If it is being caused by the meds and conditions you have, then you have to take something to overcome that if anything available is safe to take. Or some of those meds might in fact not be necessary, as doctors are medication crazy as that's all they're taught how to do in school these days but there are other ways to lower blood pressure unless it's a serious condition causing it. Since you're taking 3 different meds for it, that's probably the case, but even so, dietary changes and long-used herbs and nutrients can help enough sometimes to push you out of the danger range. Again, depends on how severe the problem is as to whether or not your doctor is medication crazy or you're one who needs it. I can empathize because I have the same problem, mine was caused by being rushed back to normal behavior too soon after prostate surgery. Been very hit or miss since then, but it's harder when it's from a physiological cause. I'm trying herbs that help with that so far, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I have problems you don't have, so our reasons are different, I also had a very bad medication experience that has led to a lot of problems mental and physical down the road and so it's very hard for me to want to do it when I can do it and when my wife can do it, as she has some problems physically as well. We're in our 60's, and so stuff happens. I often wonder if it would work better if I was with someone I was more sexually attracted to, but then again, it worked fine until the surgeon rushed me back so who knows? I would say maybe your wife needs to hear it from your doctor sitting down with both of you and telling her this happens to men as they age sometimes and physical problems and meds catch up to us. But again, if it is anxiety causing it, you can fix that with some work. Peace.