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How to get rid of Sex Drive

I know i'm going to get a lot of why do you want to do this etc. etc. etc. So i'll make it quick.
I'm 44, my wife is 36. She had a total hysterectomy and has absolutely no sex drive. She didn't have any before either.
She's not willing to try to do anything about it. She's selfish, but, I love her so i'm the stupid one. That being said, no sex is frustrating. Morally I will not cheat on her. I can't do it. Psychologically I'm starting to hate her for it. I've seen a counselor, there is nothing I can do if she isn't willing to try. That leaves 2 options. I either divorce hear and go through life trying to find someone else, or, I find a way to get rid of my sex drive completely so we can be married and not have this huge wedge between us.
I'd like real ideas on how to get rid of my sex drive completely. Please don't do the psychological stuff of see a counselor, talk to your wife, this is normal etc etc. I'm 100% sure of what I want to do. It's been 6 years now and I won't divorce her. I need this to be happy again. So any help would be great. My doctor doesn't take it seriously, I've tried a few and they keep wanting me to see a psycologist again. I don't know why they can't just answer the question.
5 Responses
1029273 tn?1472231494
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi,

Have you done much reading about the celibate lifestyle?  Even though choosing celibacy is an individual choice, it can work in relationships if both of you agree upon committing to that type of relationship.  One thing I've read about celibacy is that it won't work if you feel that it's forced upon you; it has to be your own choice. I do know from personal experience, that once you start resenting your partner for whatever reason, the relationships will start to crumble and fall apart. Starting to feel hate and being frustrated in your marriage won't work; you'll need to get that resolved in order to move forward...

You did mention that she has no sex drive and didn't before either; so you were aware of her lacking libido from the beginning. In marriage you will have to compromise from time to time, but that should never be one sided.  It works both ways. That being said, I do think it's a shame she won't be open to trying any treatments like (bioidentical) hormone replacement therapy or natural herbals to jump start her libido ~ but that's her choice, and that must be respected...

I wish you luck with this, because you're in a difficult situation for a married couple. Trust your instinct and follow what makes you happiest, otherwise you'll just be deceiving yourself and wasting each others time.

Take Care
139792 tn?1498585650
COMMUNITY LEADER
The only way to control your libido is control your body by controling your breath. Google abdominal breath. practice is for 10 minutes twice a day. And then take few breaths when you feel sexually aroused. If you practice abdominal breath properly, you may be able defuse your sexual arousal. This is based on taoist yoga.  You may also read kundalini yoga. You may use these tecniques to increase of decrease libido. Study them . The reply by the above answer er is quite relevant and pragmatic.  
134578 tn?1602101550
No sex from her, you want to stay, you have a sex drive, you think it will be hard to get rid of it - there is nothing wrong with helping yourself with your own hand.  (Unless it is against your religion, of course.)
Avatar universal
This is a sticky situation.
I will tell you truthfully in your circumstances that unless you are rid of your penis this will always be an issue.  It doesn't sound like you want to be seperate from your penis nor do I advise you to be rid of your penis.  Now, your circumstances on paper would spell out temporary seperation of the spouses while working through your issues, but it seems that would only cause more distance.  In the end your wife is not being much of a wife to you, however, have you tried the simple approach?  I know you are against divorce and kudos for honoring your vows and not cheating, but you are in a lose, lose situation.  Since you are unwilling to seek professional help-The simple approach is when you decide to walk away (divorce) if she is unwilling to be intimate with you, this does not mean INTERCOURSE right away but loving touches, kisses, and or sincere hugs that will lead to sex, eventually.  If not, you MUST prepare yourself for divorce of irreconcilable differences.  I am against divorce, but because of the hatred that is beginning to settle in because of lack of intimacy,  this is a dangerous relationship for both you and your spouse.  
Love will only take you so far.  Love is familiar and comfortable for most, but that love HAS to be reciprocated.  Otherwise, it's a one sided fantasy, be it from a spouse or not.  Well wishes in your decision and I hope your outcome is one that makes you happy again.  
Avatar universal
Well, spouse or not, she doesn't owe you sex. Them's the breaks. If that is something you feel you need in a relationship, and if that is causing resentment - and you calling her "selfish" for not wanting sex anymore sure sounds like it - then divorce really is the most sensible option.
But if you're really set against it, I'm afraid there really is no easy option. Nothing barring certain kinds of medication will "take away" your sex drive, so you'll just have to deal with it the best you can. Masturbate, keep yourself busy, try relaxation exercises idk maybe they work.
But remember, she is entitled to her choice, and this is you making yours. No one else is to blame for your decisions and any discomfort they cause you, so all you can do is own them.
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139792 tn?1498585650
Indore, India
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11369760 tn?1449504372
Southwest , MI
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