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I don’t think I can orgasm. (Sorry for the TMI)

Hi. I’m a 20 year old female that’s been sexually active for over 4 years. I’ve NEVER had an orgasm. Or at least none that I’m aware of. I don’t feel ANYTHING during sex even when my mind is mentally in it. I have fun during sex because my mind is in it and I like it. But my vagina feels nothing. All I feel is touch and pressure. I have squirted a few times, but I didn’t feel it. The only reason I know is because the first time it happened my partner was shocked and I asked why they stopped and they got confused and asked “did you not feel that?” And that was the biggest it’s ever happened. The last few times it’s happened, I saw but I didn’t feel anything !!! I also cum, like there is white ejaculate that comes out of me, but I DON’T FEEL AN ORGASM!! I don’t even feel like a tingling sensation that everyone says I’m supposed to feel during sex. I literally only feel touch and pressure, even by myself. The first time I used a vibrator on my clitoris, I got to a point that I thought I was close to an orgasm, but it just tickled so much I couldn’t stop laughing. And ever since, I have not felt that again. I’ve gone to Planned Parenthood to see a gynecologist, but they told me nothing is wrong with my vagina physically and that I should talk to my therapist to see if there is a mental block. I talked to him and there isn’t!! I really don’t know what to do about this. I love having sex with my boyfriend, but I just get so sad seeing him orgasm and have a good time when I can’t feel a single thing. He gets sad for me too. And we’ve tried SO MUCH to see what could be a turn on for me. And they are turn ons but only to my brain! Thinking about not being able to feel an orgasm actually makes me cry. I really need help. I just want to have a good time and enjoy myself physically.
1 Responses
207091 tn?1337709493
Aww I'm sorry this is happening, and it's stressing you out so much.

A few things come to mind.

Are you on any meds? Antidepressants are known for causing sexual side effects, for example, and can make orgasms really difficult. Other meds can, too, like birth control, but anti-depressants are probably at the top of the list.

https://www.healthline.com/health/orgasmic-dysfunction

This doesn't exactly describe you, but may be a place to start. This describes people who know they are orgasming, but can't feel pleasure from it. I'm not sure you can feel the orgasm, is that correct?

https://www.issm.info/sexual-health-qa/what-is-orgasmic-anhedonia-pleasure-dissociative-orgasmic-dysfunction/

It could be psychological, but since you have the same issue when you are by yourself, or when using a vibe, that seems less psychological than physical to me, but you're better to answer that question than I am.

This talks about different reasons why, but also mentions blood flow to the clitoris - https://health.clevelandclinic.org/theres-help-for-women-who-cant-achieve-orgasm/

You're also only 20 (and I don't mean that in any kind of condescending way). I was having sex for a few years before I had my first orgasm. Some women can't have orgasms from sex alone - many, in fact - https://abcnews.go.com/Health/ReproductiveHealth/sex-study-female-orgasm-eludes-majority-women/story?id=8485289, and need clitoral stimulation, some women need different sensations from a vibe, so maybe the vibe you used wasn't the one for you. Some women like direct pressure on the clitoris, others like it just to the side.

So first, my suggestion would be to review any meds you're on. Then, talk to your doctor or find a good GYN who is comfortable talking about sex, and go from there. You've already got a head start with a partner who is comfortable talking about it. :)



2 Comments
Hi, thanks for the response! I used to be on antidepressants and have been on the depo shot for a little over a year. However, this has been an issue for me years before I started taking either of them :(. I’ve talked to a gynecologist, but she just suggested I talk to my therapist about it, but I was unable to get any answers from either of them. I’ve also tried multiple vibrators, and the latest one that I thought I enjoyed only lasted two days, then went back to the same feeling of no pleasure, only pressure. I’ve tried to do my own research as well and have only come across that some women just can’t orgasm at all. I have fun with my partner because I enjoy being physical with him. I just want that extra orgasmic feeling for myself, you know?
So it's not meds. That rules out one cause. If you haven't been able to come up with anything from a therapist, that helps in ruling that out, though the therapist may not have been great. Same with the gyno.

I'd start with another gyno. A good gyno isn't going to hoist you onto a therapist without ruling out everything physical first.

Are you trying for internal orgasms or clitoral orgasms? I'd go with clitoral orgasms first - those are far more common and much easier to reach for most women.

There are some women who can't orgasm at all, but you're still young. I wouldn't say that just yet. I just don't think you have enough info to say that with certainty.
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