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Is my husband impotent

I am a newly wedded female 29 year my husband 33...we stayed together for 3 months...he tried to be intimate only 5 times out of which 2 times i initiated...he never done intercourse...i requested him for counseling...he is telling he is very normal ..

Is it normal to be guys like this??
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Avatar universal
Wow - that does not sound very promising. I think you need to have a very long heart-to-heart discussion with him. Start out very gently, but do let him know that you do not find this behavior acceptable. After many years of marriage, a partner (either the husband or wife) may no longer feel much attraction to their partner & may not be interested in sex, but this should definitely NOT be the case for a newly married man, especially a guy of 33, which is still pretty young & he should still have a fairly strong sex drive & normally would not be suffering from ED.

(As an aside, let me just say that if he DOES have ED, then please be very understanding, don't ridicule him or make him feel less of a man, just tell him "We'll work on this together" & then schedule an appointment with a Dr., and preferably a Urologist who deals with ED issues.)

From your description of infrequent initiation of sex, plus the fact that even when he (or you) did, it was not successful, I'm thinking he does have a confidence issue with sexual intercourse. You said he did ejaculate at least one of the times during sexual activity - was that from you orally or manually stimulating him? If so, did it seem to you that he had a full erection, i.e., that it would've been firm enough for penetration? The answer to this would give us a clue as to whether he has any type of physical problem. It could be he is capable of achieving solid erections on his own, but is just way too nervous to complete the act with you. This is why you need to ask him what's going on with him - tell him you don't mind knowing if he masturbates, that your only reason for asking is to find out if he has a normal sex drive & normal function (i.e., he can have good erections).

You have also stated that he's way too involved with his own family - it's fine to be close to your family, but normally when a man marries, he is closer & more intimate with his wife than he is with them, so this raises another issue that seems concerning. Is it possible his family was pressuring him to get married? Maybe he wasn't really thrilled with the idea of it, but felt that at his age (33) it was time for him to take that step. Obviously, that is NOT a good reason to get married! A person should only marry if they really honestly LOVE their partner & enter into the marriage with no reservations. I find it EXTREMELY odd that his Mother would criticize you for asking him to kiss you - that is entirely normal & even EXPECTED between married couples. That raises all kinds of 'red flags' to me...

If you cannot get answers to these questions, you will definitely need to seek marriage counseling for the two of you. Be firm in letting him know that this is absolutely necessary in order to save this marriage, unless you are able to work it out without counseling.

If you cannot reach a resolution to this issue thru counseling or private discussions between the two of you, you would then have only 2 options, I think:

1) End the marriage - you may be able to get it annulled on the grounds that the marriage was never consummated (i.e., sexual intercourse), or...

2) Decide that you're willing to stay married to a man who likely will never be interested in sex with you.

I'm very sad to have to tell you that, but unless he opens up & tells you what's going on & is willing to sincerely work this out, your future with him doesn't sound very promising...

One final question: Does he ever express that he loves you? Has he ever told you that? Not even wanting to kiss or hug makes me wonder how much he really cares for you. Even if he has said it on occasion, do you sense he means it? Or could it be he says it only because he thinks you need to hear it? You do need to know if he truly loves you. From the things you've told us, I wonder whether he does...

Sorry to sound so many alarm bells - I really feel bad for you & this can't be helping your self-esteem. Please let us know if you're able to work things out...
Helpful - 0
I agree with everything that's been said above, and all the possibilities that have been listed. He could be gay, asexual, just not interested in you physically, he could have ED - I mean, the list is long and varied.

How long did you know him before you married?

I'm really sorry it's happening this way. I'm sure it wasn't what you expected. :(
Avatar universal
I agree, that does not sound normal, but as GR says, don’t ridicule him or make him feel humiliated or inadequate - that would probably only make the problem worse. Do you know if he ever had sex before you met him? Is he a virgin? It’s possible he’s just extremely nervous & afraid of ‘failure’, i.e., that he won’t be able to get an erection.

What else can you tell us about him? Did he ever have girlfriends before you? Do you know if he masturbates? I don’t say that with any condemnation, it’s quite normal. The reason I ask is to find out whether he is able to get erections by himself. If so, then he doesn’t have a physical prblm & this is more likely something psychological in nature.

Do you have any reason to suspect he’s not attracted to women, or that he might feel sexual attraction to other men?

Talk to him in a very calm & reassuring manner, without accusing him of anything. Just say, ‘You know hun, I’m wondering why you don’t seem interested in having sex? I love you very much & want this as part of our married life. Is there  anything you’re feeling that we should talk about? I want you to feel physically attracted to me, but it seems as if you aren’t. Is there any problem we need to fix?’ These questions may help you get a start on understanding what’s going on with him, but if you’re not able to get to the bottom of it, you may need to go to some type of marriage counseling.

Best of luck to you, I’m sure there are many of us who sincerely hope you can solve this. Please check back in & let us know how things are going - there may be other readers out there dealing with similar issues who could benefit from your answers...
Helpful - 0
I guess he is a virgin.....we lived together for 3 months so far....he doesn't like me hugging him kissing him ....once i asked him to give a kiss at night he gave me and told to sleep....but the next day his mother and sister insulted me saying why i asked him kiss and hug ..... after that i was afraid to ask him any intimacy....two times i initiated in this three months and he got ejaculation buy no penetrative sex...

He is not interested in spending time with me...his interest is speaking with his parents or sister or watching tv etc....also he seems to be childish that he is taking it as an issue when ever i ask him kiss or hug...

The only time he touched me after marriage is on bed 4 or 5 times...

Is he asexual ....2 times he initiated foreplay but as agin no intercourse
20620809 tn?1504362969
I'd not say that is normal.  But it is important to not make him feel terrible about this. How old is he?  On any medications?
Helpful - 0
He is 33....he is not on any medication or that's what he told to me....he told what he behave. Is normal and all men are not same....he doesn't even like kissing me or i kissing him ...since i am newly wedded wife when i ask for a kiss he will kiss me once and tell to sleep
He doesn't like spending time with me or doesn't match have any excitement of a newly wedded man
Was this an arranged marriage?  This sounds very unloving for you.  

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