Low Male Libido

[Andy4]

I am 31 and my wife is 24.  We have a wonderful relationship, except for one problem, our sex life.  She has a high libido.  If she had her druthers we would make love 5 days a week.  I however would be ok with once a week or every two weeks.  I am not overstressed or overworked.  I would like to be able to perform more (maybe not 5 days a week, but maybe two days a week as a compromise), but I just don't have the desire.  I'm worried that if perform when I don't have the desire, that I'll end up resenting her for it.  Is there anything I can do to increase my libido (medication or eating better or behavioral)?  Is there something wrong with me (hormone level)?  I love her so much and she deserves better than what she is getting.  I know it's having an effect on her self-confidence and personal image.  I honestly believe that I get my satisfaction from just holding her at night, but I know she doesn't.  Any information and suggestions would help.  I don't want these issues to filter into the rest of our marriage.  Not to mention, her sexual peak is still ahead

[Somewhereovertherainbow]

Please try to sort this out. I am also the wife of a man in a similar position. I am an attractive woman and get attention from men all the time but he is just not that into sex. If you love her, you have to go to the ends of the earth to compromise. She does deserve better. A relationship that is mainlt non-sexual is not an intimate relationship and eventually she will stray for the wrong reasons, not because she doesn't love you but because she feels you don't love her enough to show it. Be honest, see a doctor. It is not something to be ashamed of. There are many in your situation but don't lose her, don't hurt her because in my experience a relationship without sex is so damaging to someones self esteem that it feels like you are being punched emotionally and it effects every aspect of your soul and heart. It is not about blame. It is about recognising an obstacle and overcoming it. It takes a real man to do that and you can do it. Good luck and remember if you really love her you can do it. be honest, be patient and don't pick arguments to mask the real issue. face it. I wish you both the best of luck and happiness

[Andy4]

I don't masterbate very much, nor do I have any fantasies that we haven't tried.  She's up for pretty much anything.  I don't smoke, drink or do drugs.  I'm fairly athletic and in good shape.  I'm not sure why it is but I just don't seem to be up for sex very often.

[sammy73]

Yeah, I'd agree, performing because you feel under obligation to, rather than because you want to, could lead to resentment.  Also, unlike women, it is harder for men to fake it - if you are not in the mood, or really up for it, the physical effects are pretty obvious.

Vance has a point - if you are masturbating frequently that could affect your ability and desire to have sex with your wife.

Apparently health issues can affect libido - obesity, smoking, excessive drinking or drugs.  How big an effect these can have, I don't know.

Is there some particular desire or kink you have that you are not fulfilling with your wife?  Something you fantasize about, but are unwilling or embarrassed to tell her about?  If so, maybe you should take the plunge and discuss it with her.  She may turn out to be excited by it also, but even if she isn't that excited about it she may be prepared to play along either by talking through your fantasy or some sort of role-play.

[Vance2335]

I have seen this in the reverse direction but never in this direction. I am not sure what you can do. Have you spoken to her about your desires or lack of?

What gets you aroused? Do you often look at porn? Do you masterbate instead of having sex?