let me start off by by telling you that my BF and I have been together for just under a year, and its been a really hard year, for the past 4 or 5 months we have been fighting about our sex life... or lack there of.
when we first started fighting about it, he made me feel as if there was something wrong with me because I wanted to have sex more often. he said his libido just wasnt into sex more then once a week, so just get used to it.
I tried everything, I know that my BF has a boob fetish, we've talked about it, Im very thin (actually seeing a doctor about not being able to gain weight) and I really dont have much there for him. it hurts me to know that Im lacking something so important to him, but we brought porn into the bedroom to help us through. it helped for a while. but some of the porn worried me a fair bit. I have an oral fixation, I always have, I love preforming oral sex, its a big turn on for me. My bf showed me his collection of oral sex videos hes downloaded from the internet, and in the videos, the guys are making the girls puke...on purpose. it was weird for me, I'd never seen it before but he expressed that he found it really hot and he wanted to try it. I cant puke, my gag reflex just isnt that strong.but I guess just trying to make me was enough for him. after hitting another slow period, as a suprise I got him a digi cam for valentines day, and told him maybe we coud make our own movies. we did, and that also helped for a bit, but now even that has stopped. I have bought toys to try and rekindle his interest, Ive tried talking to him and telling him I need more, but no matter how gentle I am , he always makes me feel bad for bringing it up. everytime he initiates oral sex with me, he is trying to make me puke, which really takes the fun out of it for me , and Ive told him so. he has since then started waiting for me to go to sleep and sat in front of his computer and pleasured himself. after this happened for a few nights, I addressed the topic with him, he denyed it, even after being caught when I got up to get a drink!?!
I didn't know what to do, and was curious about what he was so intently wrapped up in, (never in our relationship has he ever been this active at masterbating) and I simply dont know what to feel about what Ive found. Im a forward thinker when it comes to stuff like that, I'm 25, I grew up with open mindedness about sex, but some of what I saw just scared methere were countless rape videos, and some labeled as incest videos and ...I hope I need to say no more but ...foriegn object videos?
I am at such a loss here. I dont know what to do. I tried to talk to him about this, and he ... after much deflecting, confessed an addiction to porn. Ive never heard this. Ive heard of sex addiction, but never porn/masterbating so I googled it. it seems most articles I find about porn addiction suggest that he should have a heightened libido. I dont really know where to go to get info, and I want to be delicate about this, but im upset and im hurt and I dont know who to talk to.
can I help him through this?
should I even want to? (guess you cant answer that huh?)
is this a typical issue?
Its beginning to mess with my mental health, Ive never really been insecure about my looks before, but I feel like he finds me unattractive. help me understand this better, please.