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My wife wants us to buy a new sex toy. I am scared. Am i not doing it right?

My wife and I have a pretty good sexual relationship. I make sure to give her orgasm first .I try to give clitoral orgasm. But she suddenly asked me for a vibrator . I am scared . Am i not doing it right? Am i not satisfying her?
And is there any possibility that she would be so used to her vibrator that she wont have sex with me?
6 Responses
Avatar universal
Do worry it just another step in you sex life. Ask her to only use it with you, that might make you feel better
20620809 tn?1504362969
As long as she is happy, all is good. Do not be intimidated by the vibrator.  She'll still prefer you.  Just will enhance the experience for you both.  
207091 tn?1337709493
I'm female. It's not that you aren't good enough. There are feelings and sensations that only you can give her, and that no toy will ever be able to give her.

A toy is just fun. Be thankful that she feels comfortable enough with you to be this open with you - not every man is receptive to this, and it means she trusts you and feels safe with you. That's an awesome thing.

Use the toy with her. Maybe figure out ways that you can use it on you, too.

It doesn't mean you are lacking. It just means she wants to try new things WITH you, and she is safe and secure enough with you to talk about it. You should feel good about that.
Avatar universal
I am a guy and I have the opposite problem, I introduced toys to a woman that had never considered toys in any way other than as a "life preserver" and even then, I would not have been surprised to find some broken glass around a box that said "in case of fire, break glass".  What follows is not bragging, it is only intended to illustrate a point all the more dramatically: I have made a woman scream in pleasure enough that people ask about the scratches on my back at the gym and I love toys!  I don't even want to get in bed without toys anymore because toys take away the pressure to perform at a particular level for both partners.  In our sex and body negative society, women have a hard enough time relaxing enough to enjoy the intimacy let alone relax enough to orgasm, no one needs that kind of pressure.  I am also not 20 anymore and I don't need the pressure either; this way, oral sex is enhanced dramatically by an intravaginal egg with something like 40 or 50 different programs of progressively increasing vibrations with different patterns at each plateau.  Then there's the dolphin, this has a harness that is so inconspicuous that it can be worn under a thong and slacks but the dolphin's nose sits just under the clit's hood and it does not take much for it to make any woman crazy; the man in her vagina will not be able to withstand the intense variations in pressure for long, SSRI or not!  His and Her butt plugs (the inflatable ones that have a removable inflation system rock but require cooperation and relaxation) will make both of you feel things you can't even begin to imagine! ;-) yours will move against your prostate and stimulate (once you learn to relax with the plug in your butt and that orgasmic contractions do not mean you are about to have a bowel movement) you until you have a head blasting orgasm.  Hers will make her feel like she is being split in two!  Those first few inches of her vagina?  Your penis will stretch them like never before and the tails of the clit will get gobs of stimulation from the stretch and the friction.  One word of caution, unless her wetness makes you feel like you need a life preserver, have some silicone lube handy.  Regarding lube, there are some amazing lubes that will not irritate her urethra and are still silicone based (look around, Pjur is my personal fav and it is seriously slippery --as in be careful when washing afterwards slippery.  Wet also makes great lubes and Shibari has been good but it is water based and it just doesn't last as long as silicone) you are bound to need it.  I have had trouble finding them for a while but nipple loops (not clamps although they can be good as well ;-) ) seriously increase sensitivity and even some light vibrations will feel wild; combine them with clitoral stimulation and/or that egg and she may pass out from the orgasm!  

The queen and king of all toys are the pocket rocket and the magic wand.  The pocket rocket is independent of an electrical outlet but you can carry spare AA batteries and enjoy a moment almost anywhere.  Why almost?  without relaxation, nothing can get a woman to orgasm.  A man does not need an erection to orgasm but wouldn't you feel better if you felt like you were about to break your own skin?  Privacy brings relaxation but don't forget about sounds.  The pocket rocket is AMAZING for a guy as well.  Begin just behind the balls and make some circles (lube!) as you move forward; by the time you reach the base of the penis (all the more so if you are not "driving") you will be jumping out of your skin!  Then, when the vibrations settle on the frenulum, I dare you not to scream and I would bet you won't remember your name!  The pocket rocket has portability and serious vibes but you can't beat household current with batteries and the magic wand has attachments!  One of these attachments is like a textured tube that she can run up and down the penis (lots of lube for best results) and stop and then start again and stop again and so on...  not only will your orgasm be spectacular, once you recover, you will ravish her!  You should probably stop after 10 minutes of penetration, she will probably need lube and unless you switch positions a lot, her hips will need a break as well.  

After using toys for nearly decades, I can safely say that toys ENHANCE the experience but no woman will ever trade a warm and loving man for a vibrator, not even a sybian!  You are not just a penis to her anymore than she is just a vagina to you.  The people that make the sybian also make a toy for men and it is no substitute for a woman enjoying my penis and the experience of oral sex; a moment of eye contact and I feel her ministrations with every fiber of my being.  There are lots more toys to try than I have space to describe but think of it this way, a kid wants all the toys at the toy store but can't buy them; here's your chance to go hog wild!  One other thing, get a Liberator wedge and ramp set, you haven't begun to live until you have sex when she can focus on you rather than in keeping herself positioned just right for you; get the bdsm version, they clip together with fastex buckles.
Avatar universal
I almost forgot! get a wash basin of some sort that is wider and longer than it is tall (all the better if they come in a set and one is bigger by about 2 inches; that is perfect for the controllers or battery packs if they are wired) and place the toys in it when you are done playing with them.  Any anal toys go in the pan the minute they come out, she does not need a yeast infection (their population grows from the suddenly abundant food supply) and you don't want her to worry about anything other than playing with wild abandon.  You do not need water in the pan but a towel can come in handy as a lid.  Then, when you are done, spray the toys with toy cleaner.  It is more expensive than soap but it will do a better job; nevertheless, spray like it is going out of style and go cuddle.  About an hour later, rinse and dry the toys.  Get a toy box but get toy bags (boxes are about the same price as toolboxes but toy bags are cheap) why the box? you can lock it and it will give both of you peace of mind.  The bags?  Toys are made of all sorts of things and not all of them like being together; this is a cheap way to help them last.  Some people like to use condoms on the toys to simplify cleanup, I do not and I would not recommend that you do.  The reason is that clean is certain because you were careful, maybe maybe not is just not the same; a moment can be ruined by "what is that?!"
3 Comments
This is great advice, but the only thing I'd add is if you are using toys with multiple people, use a condom on the toys. If it's a monogamous relationship, you don't need a condom on it, unless it's preference.

Cleaning your toys is very, very important. Really good advice here.

AuntieJessi, thank you for the vote of confidence, I hope that sex and love break out all over the land!  I feel a tie dyed moment...  when this virus is over, it may be time to revive some old customs, it may be time to bring back the love-in!  What the world needs now is love sweet love... no...not just for some... but for everyone....  

The experience was gained over several long monogamous relationships.  That being said, I really hate the mess condoms make, how they taste, and the taste they leave behind so the toys that cannot be thrown away or have parts replaced or placed in the dishwasher (seriously, some toys are probably cleaner after a couple of cycles than when they left the factory; I'm the only one touching them :-) ). don't come out until the first big fight is over and everyone is still on the same bed.  I really wish one could find more stainless steel toys and a wider variety of them because they warm up and stay warm but your hundred dollars don't fly away when they fall "just right" and cracked glass toys just aren't safe.  

Adding one more thing: good toys are not cheap, they are an investment.  Borosilicate glass and stainless steel (outside of cheap butt plugs) will set you back somewhere in the 100 dollar range but they might even reach heirloom status --I don't care how rough you play, the stainless steel is not going to melt or break or get sticky or release some chemical or other.  The best rabbits will hover somewhere around 150 and come from Japan; the quality goes down like a rock below 75 or so.  That being said, as the ladies will tell you, there is nothing like a rabbit; I had something male equivalent that was $$ but the wire just wasn't up to it, if it had been wireless...  there is nothing like a rabbit.  No, it will not replace a man (or a woman) but who does not want to explode in pleasure without a care in the world?  After providing some magic wand stimulation around the nipples (somewhere around 25 times around each nipple in some combination rather than all at once) run the magic wand over her clit when the rabbit's ears are just under it, cuddle her through the aftermath.  

Toys are not just for women, two magic wands, one with the tube attachment and the other with a head attachment (let her tie you up, no guy can just relax and let her drive, sportscuffs only, all soft and velcro and zero chance of wrist nerve injury (even cop quality cuffs have that problem) or big cuts with lots of blood)  and wait.  Ladies, be kind, we are all used to hurrying, don't expect that any guy will be willing to wait the entire five minutes, push him over the edge before then.  In time, you can start the edging but don't forget, edging works both ways ;-)   For the more relaxed guys, a multifunction egg will pair up with the aforementioned treatment really well.  I have a German prostate stimulator that would be unbelievable if I can ever figure out how to keep it in --the thing moves six different ways and has something like 18 pattern and speed combinations and even vibrates the sphincters but it just won't stay in so I can't use it during intercourse.  The Aneros is ok if I am standing but it does not work for me in any other position.  

Out here in the mountains in the west, it isn't QUITE what John Denver sang about but there is a Rocky Mountain High fortified chocolate that is aaaammmmmaaaazzzzziiiiinggg enough to make a square or two qualify as sex toys!  Just make sure that any PDE5 inhibitors go in at least half an hour BEFORE the chocolate; the relaxation is divine!

I don't have any experience with X but I am told that it is great for touch but not so good for erections; anyone have any experience?

AuntJessie, any toy recommendations?  I hope the OP has Amazon Prime and has started to stock up!  
I have no experience with X and personally feel that sober sex is the best sex, but to each their own on that.

The OP may not be from the US, and I don't know what other Amazon's have as far as Prime and sex toys. I do hope that he has realized that a toy doesn't mean he's lacking anything or not doing anything "right" - toys are awesome, but will never replace a person, just enhance things, as you said. It also means she trusts him a lot if she can bring it up with him, especially in certain cultures. That's a wonderful thing.

I think toys are really personal for women. Some women prefer more clitoral stimulation, some prefer more inside action. It's often a matter of trial and error, which can get expensive. Rabbits are pretty universal, since they offer both, and you can usually turn one part off and keep the other on, if you prefer. Wands are usually a safe bet.

My advice always, no matter who you are, and who your partners are, is to listen to your partners. If your partner says, "slower", go slower. It doesn't mean that faster will get them off faster or harder - especially for women, faster may actually hurt with toys, especially. We get ideas in our heads of how we think it should go, but that's not how it may work for our partners.

Talk to your partners. Always communicate. Women find that really sexy. I don't mean just dirty talk, but be open about how you're feeling, what you want, what you don't. Trust is sexy. That's sexier than any toy. :)



Avatar universal
Have A Calm Talk With Here .

See If Your Doing Anything Wrong .
Otherwise it's normal to have vibrators but if she stops having sex with you reply to this and I'll try and solve the problem
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