Aa
No sex from my husband - PLZ HELP
My husband and I have been together for 7 years. I truely loved him, and when we first got together he just seemed shy. I have caught him lying about porography several times, and I left him once. We very rarely have sex, an there is NO romance hardly at all. I have tried everythign from playing bedroom games, dressing up, and even been the first one to initiate it. My problem comes with after 7 years, and no sex life I have tried to talk to him gently, telling him my fears and fantisies. No luck, he clams up and tells me he is insecure, and he doesnt like me being insecure. I have explained that when he tells me he "Does his own thing" and then brags to me how he is fantisizing about other women, it makes me feel even more insecure then I was when I met him. Now, a part of me doesnt even WANT to have sex. I resent him for this, but I have very high morals and would never cheat. I am seriously thinking about divorce at this point. PLZ HELP ME!!
maybe he has ed. he should get his hormones tested. Low sex drive is a sign of a hormone imbalance. Some websites have gone as far as listing relationship problems as a sign of hormonal imbalance. He may be like that because something is wrong with him physically and he is embarassed to talk to you about it. could feel threatened by you maybe why he is being mean. only you can make you happy, but if you still love him remember your vows and try to help. if it doesn't work then you tried.
Thakn you ALL so much for your advice, and help. Maybe it is a sex addiction?!?! He does not hang out with ANYONE at home...just his computer. He very RARELY works let (BTW, we work together) and we ride to and fro. He tells me it is not my fault, although that is a hard pill to swallow since there is a MAJOR lack of lust on his part. I will do some research on these topics....and talk very open and honestly with him. Maybe with love and patients he will come out of his shell. I will keep reading this post to see if any one else has any other great ideas as well. Again, thank you all SOOO much for just listening mostly, then giving me great resources to check into!!!
This sounds like my marriage. I was married for 15 years. I too went through these things with my wife. I was not interested in her. Bottom line, I was gay and coming out late in life.
Long story short, I came out...we got divorced... she forgave me and we are now closer than we were while married.
Your husband may be questioning his sexuality. He may be playing around with other men or couples. And of course it could just be a sex addiction. Regardless, it's not your fault. You are not doing anything wrong.
My advice to you is to let him know that you love him. But you also have the right to live a happy life with someone who fully loves you too. He needs to resolve whatever it is thats causing the problems. If he's gay...then he needs to come out. If he has a sex addiction then he may need to seek help.
I tried to have my cake and eat it too. I had a couple of 'married' guys I would hang out with who were also questioning their sexuality. It was a great coverup while it lasted.
My advice is to keep a close watch on him. Does he hang out with guy friends? Is he late from work?
I wish you luck
David
Long story short, I came out...we got divorced... she forgave me and we are now closer than we were while married.
Your husband may be questioning his sexuality. He may be playing around with other men or couples. And of course it could just be a sex addiction. Regardless, it's not your fault. You are not doing anything wrong.
My advice to you is to let him know that you love him. But you also have the right to live a happy life with someone who fully loves you too. He needs to resolve whatever it is thats causing the problems. If he's gay...then he needs to come out. If he has a sex addiction then he may need to seek help.
I tried to have my cake and eat it too. I had a couple of 'married' guys I would hang out with who were also questioning their sexuality. It was a great coverup while it lasted.
My advice is to keep a close watch on him. Does he hang out with guy friends? Is he late from work?
I wish you luck
David
Hi there. I know exactly how you must be feeling as I suffered with these same things with my husband for years about 6 years before we found a cause. If your husband is like mine (and I counted a lot of red flags in your post), your husband may be suffering from sex addiction. Most men who are sex addicts turn inward, away from their partner and seek alternate forms of self gratification/self soothing. A term used for this is "sexual anorexia." It took years and loads of stress and tears for us to figure out what was wrong. We are still together and life is not perfect. My husband is in a 12-step recovery group for sexaholics and he has to struggle to surrender his addiction every minute of the day. I have had lots of therapy and have learned how to remain healthy in the midst of it all but that has taken a great deal of work. The most important thing for you to know and understand is that this is NOT YOUR FAULT. Your hubby is not doing this because he finds you unattractive or because you are not good enough, pretty enough, smart enough or sexual enough. He is doing what he does because he is afraid and has no idea how to cope with life. My suggestion to you would be do some research on sex addiction. If you can talk with him, do so. See if he would be willing to go to a support group or counseling. Good luck.
-Anna
-Anna
He's giving you verbal warnings and hitting the walls when you try to initiate sex?
It's not normal to prefer pornography over being with the one you love. You know that, though. Do you think the porn is an addiction?
Does he say there isn't a problem and that's it? Has he ever reassured you about anything? When you are together, does he seem into it or kind of removed?
Have you changed since you were first married (physically, emotionally)?
Regarding being gay, were you just throwing that out there or do you suspect for other reasons, too?
Something is wrong, but there's no way to know exactly what for certain unless he tells you.
It's not normal to prefer pornography over being with the one you love. You know that, though. Do you think the porn is an addiction?
Does he say there isn't a problem and that's it? Has he ever reassured you about anything? When you are together, does he seem into it or kind of removed?
Have you changed since you were first married (physically, emotionally)?
Regarding being gay, were you just throwing that out there or do you suspect for other reasons, too?
Something is wrong, but there's no way to know exactly what for certain unless he tells you.
I have asked him if he is gay, if he just isn't attracted to me anymore, if he is in love with someone else.....he just says "No". I have tried to be patient, but i am loosing my marbles. I love him, and just want to share this special part of a relationship with him. In the beginning, there wans't much either, I chalked it up to being shy. He is giving me verbal warnings, and hitting the walls now. No matter what I try it just keeps getting worse....ANY thoughts will help me out ALOT!!!! Jaded401
Did he used to have a sex drive and desire for you and now he does not?
Could he be gay?
Regardless...you should never tolerate verbal abuse.
Could he be gay?
Regardless...you should never tolerate verbal abuse.
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Sexual Health Community
Millions of people are diagnosed with STDs in the U.S. each year.
STDs can't be transmitted by casual contact, like hugging or touching.
Syphilis is an STD that is transmitted by oral, genital and anal sex.
Discharge often isn't normal, and could mean an infection or an STD.
STDs aren't transmitted through clothing. Fabric is a germ barrier.
Normal vaginal discharge varies in color, smell, texture and amount.
