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No sex makes my husband crazy! help!
I am a healthy female in my mid 20's, with absolutely NO SEX DRIVE! I have no Idea what is wrong with me, I just know that I am driving my husband crazy and I dont know what to do. I try to make myself so that he feels better but that just leaves me feeling dirty. I love me husband I just can't bring myself to have sex! Someone please HELP!!
AHHH, Thanks so much for the post.... The good thing about my husband and I we TALK and "MOST" of the time I can tell him exactly how I am feeling and he will understand, I can explain that I just have no want or desire to have sex NONE ZERO ZIP NADA...OTHER times I can see it on his face that is about all he can take of "My NO Sex drive ****" I have had my hormone levels checked before by a CNP and said they where in range but never been to a person who specials in hormone's but it is well worth going.. But of course it cost, we have no insurance and 3 kids so then it gets pushed to the back burner... The only thing I could think that it would be is hormones, LIFE (you know kids school,bills, etc...) But people still live and have sex...RIGHT???
BUT yesterday I was doing research and found people with the Copper IUD saying they have a decreased sex drive...WOW, really I never even put the 2 together..I have had the IUD for almost 4 years works good as birth control , I mean no remembering to take pills, no weight gain, no shots........BUT when the other ladies where posting about stuff they have noticed RIGHT that moment I realized maybe this IUD has been causing some problems..SORRY TO BE SO GRAPHIC... I mean for one I cannot get on top when we do have sex I can feel the IUD, No Doggie style it feels like it will surely get dislodged into my stomach or something, So it only leaves us a few options. When he is on top he can feel it and has actually injured him self a few times..
Thats just the beginning of the IUD "BAD THINGS" So I have noticed my low well NO sex drive started a few moneys after the IUD I thought maybe it was because we had just bought a new house and where remodeling, But remodeling is done still no sex drive, I have vaginal dryness thought it was because I was getting older...So many things so I have know scheduled my self a pap to bad I live in a small town and will have to wait until January but I am actually excited.. I am long over do for one.. Know I need to decided if I take the IUD out what do I do for birth control...
Severin76, You asked is AVOIDING sex worth losing my husband???? There's NOT much worth losing my husband over except the obvious (cheats, lies, raises his hand to me) other than those I would walk to the end of the world for my husband and kids..That being said how do you force yourself to have sex and lay there and feel so dirty so used so ugh just so he can let his ugh out... I've had my share of doing that and I almost wanna cry out!! I do try to pleasure him in other way's when I have no desire and it does work but I know sometimes he just needs "that" LOVE.. Don't get me wrong there are sometimes when we will have sex for a week or two every night and dang is it good but I just wish I could give him what he needs on a more consistent basis..
I am always open to new ideas and will try ALMOST anything to fix this problem and make him happy.. But seems I will have see a doctor to find the answer which cost money and I don't like the idea of pills but need to be open to it just in case.. SIGH what is wrong with me???
BUT yesterday I was doing research and found people with the Copper IUD saying they have a decreased sex drive...WOW, really I never even put the 2 together..I have had the IUD for almost 4 years works good as birth control , I mean no remembering to take pills, no weight gain, no shots........BUT when the other ladies where posting about stuff they have noticed RIGHT that moment I realized maybe this IUD has been causing some problems..SORRY TO BE SO GRAPHIC... I mean for one I cannot get on top when we do have sex I can feel the IUD, No Doggie style it feels like it will surely get dislodged into my stomach or something, So it only leaves us a few options. When he is on top he can feel it and has actually injured him self a few times..
Thats just the beginning of the IUD "BAD THINGS" So I have noticed my low well NO sex drive started a few moneys after the IUD I thought maybe it was because we had just bought a new house and where remodeling, But remodeling is done still no sex drive, I have vaginal dryness thought it was because I was getting older...So many things so I have know scheduled my self a pap to bad I live in a small town and will have to wait until January but I am actually excited.. I am long over do for one.. Know I need to decided if I take the IUD out what do I do for birth control...
Severin76, You asked is AVOIDING sex worth losing my husband???? There's NOT much worth losing my husband over except the obvious (cheats, lies, raises his hand to me) other than those I would walk to the end of the world for my husband and kids..That being said how do you force yourself to have sex and lay there and feel so dirty so used so ugh just so he can let his ugh out... I've had my share of doing that and I almost wanna cry out!! I do try to pleasure him in other way's when I have no desire and it does work but I know sometimes he just needs "that" LOVE.. Don't get me wrong there are sometimes when we will have sex for a week or two every night and dang is it good but I just wish I could give him what he needs on a more consistent basis..
I am always open to new ideas and will try ALMOST anything to fix this problem and make him happy.. But seems I will have see a doctor to find the answer which cost money and I don't like the idea of pills but need to be open to it just in case.. SIGH what is wrong with me???
Another question is whether AVOIDING sex is worth losing your husband, especially if: "I know when I do have sex with him you can see the joy and happiness the emotional release it has on him". As for his sex drive, he has a healthy sex drive if he wants sex more often, if he is 26 and if he were satisfied with the frequency once every 2 months, then he would have a serious sexual dysfunction, his libido would be either dead or he would have a harem of other girls or he would be satisfied with solitary masturbation to porn or fantasies etc... So his dissatisfaction is just a sign of his health. Sexology surveys in different countries found out the average frequency of sexual intercourse in married couples is about 2-3 times a week, but it is just a statisctical average, do not forget there are also old married couples included or sexless marriages in these surveys, so for his age much higher freuency would be still absolutely normal.
If the discrepancy of desired frequency is so big, I hope that professional help could improve the unpleasant situation (couple therapy, sex therapy with a qualified and experienced expert etc...). I am convinced that your low libido is not your fault and neither his sex drive is his fault, nobody can blame you or him, the problem is the discrepancy and sexual incompatibility. This problem should be analyzed by professionals in order to reveal underlying causes (e.g. hormonal imbalance, contraceptive pills, antidepressants can also have negative effects on female libido etc) in order to solve the problem instead of turning your marriage into suffering for you or for him.
If the discrepancy of desired frequency is so big, I hope that professional help could improve the unpleasant situation (couple therapy, sex therapy with a qualified and experienced expert etc...). I am convinced that your low libido is not your fault and neither his sex drive is his fault, nobody can blame you or him, the problem is the discrepancy and sexual incompatibility. This problem should be analyzed by professionals in order to reveal underlying causes (e.g. hormonal imbalance, contraceptive pills, antidepressants can also have negative effects on female libido etc) in order to solve the problem instead of turning your marriage into suffering for you or for him.
I am in the same boat.. Mother of 3 stay at home mom 28 wonderful husband married 5 years.. HATE SEX!! About once every 2 months do I have the urge to do it.. OTHER then that nothing.. But it is driving a wedge into our happy home.. Is sex worth losing your family and soul mate?? GRRRR I know he wants it and needs that release but then sometimes I feel like ugh I do enough.. When I get in bed at night I just wanna sleep.. 3 kids a household a husband bills, bills, and more bills a kid with Ocd's odd's and other disorder's DANG I'm tired.. But my poor husband he deserves to have his need meet too.. I feel awful if I do it and I feel awful if I don't do it....Are my hormones screwed up??? Is it me or is his sex drive just in full force.. Oh he just turned 26 I will be 29 in Feb.. I so feel your pain... Hang in there and keep searching for help.. I know when I do have sex with him you can see the joy and happiness the emotional release it has on him... Ahhh how can something so good be so bad??
Sex therapy, like any therapy, skims over the surface of the physical and mental occurrences throughout your life to help find the cause of the sudden lake of desire. Most women refuse it could be something so simple. a good example that's not uncommon, is your possibly seeing resemblances between your father and spouse.
i have the same problem.. but im to the point i cant even do it just to make him happy!!
what is sex therapy and does it really work???
what is sex therapy and does it really work???
sexotherapy is definitely a good idea, your low sexual desire can have various causes and in some cases professional help can help to handle this serious problem. In any case, do not hesitate and try to seek help or solve this problem if you want your marriage to be satisfying for both of you. This problem can gradually destroy a nice relationship, because sexual frustration of people (your husband in this case) can lead to other serious problems which can be fatal also for other areas of people´s personality or their relationships (e.g. destruction of self-esteem, emotional troubles, anger, infidelity, feelings of resentiment and hurt or rejection etc...).
Meanwhile, I would suggest trying to satisfy your husbands natural sexual needs at least via non-coital sexual activities such as manual or oral sex, which can be at least a form of "emergency help" for him and moreover it can be a sign that his needs are not ignored completely. It can be helpful if you let him know that you are trying to seek for some help (e.g. in this forum) and to do your best to improve the situation - if he sees that you try to do something about it, he can probably appreciate it as a sign that you really care for him and for your marriage.
All the best
Meanwhile, I would suggest trying to satisfy your husbands natural sexual needs at least via non-coital sexual activities such as manual or oral sex, which can be at least a form of "emergency help" for him and moreover it can be a sign that his needs are not ignored completely. It can be helpful if you let him know that you are trying to seek for some help (e.g. in this forum) and to do your best to improve the situation - if he sees that you try to do something about it, he can probably appreciate it as a sign that you really care for him and for your marriage.
All the best
most people don't know this, but this isn't uncommon. what you need to do is seek out sex therapy. (yes, such a thing exists) also, what kind of forplay did you used to do? my girl loves it when i give her oral, really drives her. try that.
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