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Painful sex is ruining my relationship
Me and my husband have been together for almost 5 years. He was my first and only.
Sex has only been something that we have been very compatible with; however, recently, anytime we have sex, it is painful and I just cannot last. I don't have to be a genius to see it is upsetting him.
In the past, painful sex would occur every once and awhile. It seems, as time goes by, it only gets worse. The foreplay is perfectly fine. I even have a dildo and that feels fine. My husband is larger than the dildo, but not abnormally large. When he slips into me, it just hurts. It hurts more and more the longer we go and it reduces me to tears.
We use plenty of lube and don't do any weird positions...
I can't afford a trip to the doctor right now and I'm afraid that she'll make me go to specialists, which my Insurance doesn't cover.
Sex has only been something that we have been very compatible with; however, recently, anytime we have sex, it is painful and I just cannot last. I don't have to be a genius to see it is upsetting him.
In the past, painful sex would occur every once and awhile. It seems, as time goes by, it only gets worse. The foreplay is perfectly fine. I even have a dildo and that feels fine. My husband is larger than the dildo, but not abnormally large. When he slips into me, it just hurts. It hurts more and more the longer we go and it reduces me to tears.
We use plenty of lube and don't do any weird positions...
I can't afford a trip to the doctor right now and I'm afraid that she'll make me go to specialists, which my Insurance doesn't cover.
This sounds like Vaginismus, and yours sounds like it may have an emotional cause since you can still use your dildo with no problem.
It would be worth trying out some self awareness. I'm actually going through the same thing just recently too although I've experienced it before knowing it was emotional and thought it was purely physical this time until I became really self aware of how I was truly feeling and it turns out I was having some fear of intimacy, despite how much I love him.
For a woman, the slightest disharmony during emotional intimacy can cause discomfort and pain, it's a normal phenomenon because your emotions are largely responsible for turning yourself on enough to awaken the pleasure sensors and let the vagina loosen up enough in order to enjoy the experience, otherwise it's going to be numb or painful.
Your emotions greatly impact the feelings and pleasure you get in your vagina and around the labia, but you also might be tightening the pelvic floor muscles involuntarily, which can cause a lot of pain and it can actually radiate into the vagina and sometimes even along the labia or to the clitoris, so you don't actually realize it's because the pelvic floor muscles are tightening. This tightening relfex can happen because of emotional triggers too.
Working on the underlying emotional causes will really help to stop the pain response but I also found that masturbating more often helped to help calm me down and teach my body to relax.
You should try doing the opposite of kegel exersizes. Try to relax your pelvic floor muscles as much as possible whenever you notice it. You might be tensing those muscles withour realizing it beause of stress or something.
It would be worth trying out some self awareness. I'm actually going through the same thing just recently too although I've experienced it before knowing it was emotional and thought it was purely physical this time until I became really self aware of how I was truly feeling and it turns out I was having some fear of intimacy, despite how much I love him.
For a woman, the slightest disharmony during emotional intimacy can cause discomfort and pain, it's a normal phenomenon because your emotions are largely responsible for turning yourself on enough to awaken the pleasure sensors and let the vagina loosen up enough in order to enjoy the experience, otherwise it's going to be numb or painful.
Your emotions greatly impact the feelings and pleasure you get in your vagina and around the labia, but you also might be tightening the pelvic floor muscles involuntarily, which can cause a lot of pain and it can actually radiate into the vagina and sometimes even along the labia or to the clitoris, so you don't actually realize it's because the pelvic floor muscles are tightening. This tightening relfex can happen because of emotional triggers too.
Working on the underlying emotional causes will really help to stop the pain response but I also found that masturbating more often helped to help calm me down and teach my body to relax.
You should try doing the opposite of kegel exersizes. Try to relax your pelvic floor muscles as much as possible whenever you notice it. You might be tensing those muscles withour realizing it beause of stress or something.
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