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Penis reduction surgery? options?

I am a 35 year old Caucasian male.  I have what I always thought I had an average penis size.  Evidential this is not the case.  Girls always told me I was huge etc. I just assumed that was what all the girls told guys in general.  I measured my penis from the point where the base meets my torso/waist area approximately 19 cm (7.5 inchs) below my belly button. From this point to the head it is just shy of 24 cm (9.4 inchs) not taking in to effect a slight curve to the left from the pant leg that is stays in most of the time.  The circumference or diameter is16.5cm  (6.6 inchs).  My wife (of nine years) does not want to have sexual intercourse with me anymore as it is painful to her. When we try vaginal sex even with ample lubrication you would think I was killing her and is basically traumatic. We have other types of sex often but not vaginal. Anal sex has always been out of the question from all the partners I have ever dated. This is more from a circumference fear then from length issues.  I can modify my physical position to control how much goes in which an ex wife taught me to do because I hit the cervix and she didn't like that.  When flacid it is much smaller looking and does not  hang out of the bottom of my shorts or bathing suit as I only wear knee length ones to prevent pop outs.  My wife wants me to look into a penal reduction surgery or other option.  She keeps bringing it up and my response has always been why don't you get a vagina circumference increase surgery.  Basically it is a great source of tension in our marriage   I have two young children with her together, she loves me and is fairly attractive, other then this sexual parts compatibility problem she is a pretty cool girl, so divorce is not really a option here.  She is 5' 6'' 125lbs, I am 5'11 and 190lbs.  Any suggestions as to ways to shrink it a bit would be great. I am circumcised.  I would like to improve this sexual incompatibility and keep the same wife.

I posted this in the urology section originally but I thought to post it here as well as I am not sure what type of issue or doctor can assist. (I fixed some spelling and punctuation this time as there does not appear to be a edit capability that I can find)

This is a serious question, so to that guy that advised "I rub bologna on it because the nitrates in it will chemically shrink my penis temporarily"  While amusing..... it is not helpful. I see this type of what to do question has been asked a few times over the years here and the community answers are always people making a jokes or the question is never legitimately answered.  

Thanks much

Brad
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Avatar universal
If I may be of service.  I noticed you are circumcised.  If I may point out your wife and her discomfort are probably more due to your lack of penile skin mobility than they are due to your size.  Women report pain with circumcised men during sex with men far smaller than you.  The vagina is naturally made to expand to over 4 times its size.  Woman are anatomically capable of accommodating almost any size penis.  You might benefit from foreskin restoration which is a non-surgical lengthening of the foreskin remnant.  With additional skin you may see a big improvement in your wifes pain.  If that isn't the problem then your wife may have vaginismus.  Vaginismus can happen to any woman, and can happen much more frequently to victims of early sexual abuse.  I am not sure if you have had these discussions but surgery is not the key!  It is likely your circumcision has left you with very little skin to cover your giant erection.
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Avatar universal
A Bulletproof Vagina was the joke I told this girlfriend I had , we tried a few days without success with lube , oils etc.... she was still virgin at 36yrs , it just didn't go inside.
It didn't last
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Avatar universal
I am 69 yo female and i have a boyfriend or two off and on and still enjoy sex.  I would like to have my own man, but i don't at the present time.  I use a testosterone cream that increases my libido, since i am well past menopause.  She can ask her gynecologist for this.  I use 3% testosterone in petro jelly that is applied directly onto the clitoris.  It may take some months before she receives full affect but she will get more aroused and wetter, which will definitely help.  After several years of use i know my clitoris has grown larger and my vagina gets plumper and thusly receives greater pleasure.

Please do not have any kind of surgery on yourself or her!  i don't have personal experience with drugs that would help her dilate as mentioned in other posts, but that could be looked into with her gyno.  I only wish i could find a man your size, as after having 3 boys and then aging, my vagina is large and i worry about that not pleasing my partners.  I think doggie style is tighter even, so thats no solution, but that missionary position makes me the loosest.  Lying on her back with knees bent would open her up and make it harder for her muscles to tense up.  

Hope this helps.  Keep loving her and the cheating advise is rubbish!  
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Avatar universal
Your wife could also use vaginal dilators to train her to accept your size. Fearing pain she could be tightening her introitus muscles, at the vaginal opening. Be patient with her. This takes a bit of time.
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Avatar universal
I have a new boyfriend and we have kissed a lot and i enjoy his company. The sex happened last week and i think am ending it because of his size. Too big for me. It was painful and gave me pain. I like him but the sex is not gonna work. He is like 9 inches when erect and diameter of like 5.... too much....its like a young donkey. I cant take it even ******** it fills my mouth and can hardly move far. I cant cope. And the way he is always asking if i enjoyed..........  I pity him. Such a sweet guy but his fate is sealed
Helpful - 0
1 Comments
One may try to adjust with different postures.Doggy may be suitable posture.
Avatar universal
You forget he has already had surgery.  Circumcision.  It dramatically alters sex and probably caused this problem in the first place.  Lack of penile skin mobility causes abrasion even with lubrication.  Skin on skin sliding was never meant to happen by nature.  the penis is supposed to glide beneath the additional skin reducing friction like a piston shaft.  Circumcision is a fraud.  I guarantee if he restored his foreskin he would see a dramatic increase in his pleasure, and a reduction in her pain.   I am average sized and it has still caused me many problems in my sexual history.  Some girls are a little better at taking pain than others, but abrasion is a problem no matter what.
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Avatar universal
It is also important to remember if your wife does have Vaginismus lack of ample foreskin can also make the problem work as abrasions would cause the spasms to "activate"  I doubt Vaginismus is the problem.  Circumcision dramatically alters sex and reduces pleasure for a man causes dysfunction, and causes pain in women.  That skin is supposed to be there!  There are many ways to restore the foreskin that are essentially free, and some devices that can be used that are under $100.  $100 seems pretty cheap compared to surgery, and penis reduction?  No way penis reduction is insane.  It is a betrayal to all of us average guys :-)
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Avatar universal
Please see my post for anyone that is circumcised.  lack of penile mobility can and will cause irritation and outright pain for women.  Penis size does not even matter.  What matters is how much skin was taken during your circumcision.  Even with very generous lubrication you are talking about skin rubbing on skin and can be extremely aggravating if the woman is extra sensitive.  Foreskin allows the penis to "glide" so that the shaft moves but the skin does not.  The reason some men don't have as much of a problem is likely from a "loose" circumcision where the doctor left ample skin.  Circumcision is a fraud.  I am working to restore my foreskin right now non surgically basically because my wife (who is not particularly tight, and has an averaged sized vagina) can only have sex with me for a 10-20 minute time span.  We were finally able to discover the source of the pain.  It is worth mentioning that I am 6 1/4 inches and 5 inches in diameter (not particularly big)
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139792 tn?1498585650
COMMUNITY LEADER
I have heard, that some monks stretch their penis and wind around their bodies. They do it to reduce libido and sexual act. They are one of the sect of naga Bawa. (naked monks)
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Avatar universal
I stumbled across this post and though it's old I thought I'd comment anyway. First off I just want to say thanks to sisterp229! That racist mess about black girls being bigger had caused problems since we became slaves and were "shown off" various gatherings! Now about this issue... I really feel for these guys because hurting someone you care about like that is horrible to go through. I had a friends who did get the surgery that was about a foot. They used meds doing recovery to stop the erections and the tucking procedure took off a few inches as well as some girth. Keep in mind a males penis is partially inside of him when he isn't erect anyway. There was also fatty tissue and veins removed and he conceived a child AFTER the surgery. It was done by a doc down South (TX I believe), but I'm sure there are doctors all over that can perform this surgery. It's like getting circumcised, in a way...
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Avatar universal
You're an idiot. The max possible length of a grown human being (not preteen) is about 12 inches. I was 9.5 inches when I was 17 years old. Close to 20 years old I began experimenting with hanging barbells tied to a belt and wrapped around my penis. About a decade of hanging weights intermittently, I am a little over 12 inches. One cannot have something larger that 12 inches unless he were to hang weights from his penis all of his life. Everyone looks smaller than me, and some guys in porn that are big are usually a few inches or more shorter. If you stretch something long enough, naturally it will elongate permanently. It's physics. I don't see how it's at all possible for a man to have anything close to 12 or more naturally however.
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Avatar universal
if a woman is extremely turned on her vagina becomes relaxed and able to easy take the average "large" penis- if this were not true, giving birth would be impossible!... do things to make her feel this way...suck on her ***** and rub her G spot until she is orgaziming repeatedly and ejaculating...once she reaches that point she will be begging you to slide that big penis into her. Lots of these comments are from people in long term relationships. Makes me wonder if it is not so much the penis size but the boredom..bordon in the bedroom will lead to tight, dry, unrelaxed vaginas! turn her on and she will love it!
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1 Comments
I agree with that 100% I'm a 30 ur old woman and I wouldn't have my husband do anything and he is huge also not as big as yours but I love the pain once he's got me going. The only thing is he can't go inside me all the way or go to hard when he bends me over and hits from the back. Just take it easy go slower.
Avatar universal
I know these are not guys bragging.   I'm average length myself however my girth is ridiculous and for the most part i've always enjoyed it until you meet the person you care for and it becomes an issue.   She has resorted to **'s and never turns down sex when I want it. Unfortunately it's really difficult for me to enjoy it when she is grimicing with every push.   I know some of you guys don't understand the problems one has with girth.  I remember in my younger days going to see an "apartment girl" and she had to stop and call her madamn complaining she couldn't take it.  She was an Asian girl but you would think they would be use to big ones.  These guys have real issues here and they should be taken seriously.  Personally I never thought of taking steroids to shrink my penis but I would be afraid of losing length.   So damned if you do and damned if you don't
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Avatar universal
i dont understand why you have to be so racist what does black girls got to do with this ? i am a black girl too please dont talk about us like we are some sort of aliens the man wants a penis reduction not another woman. *pissed*
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139792 tn?1498585650
COMMUNITY LEADER
Google female deer exercise. your partner may like the exercise. This may give some other advantages also.
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Avatar universal
I just married and my wife is to small for me. I had this problem and like many said it ended badly with no more sex. Since what I have been reading it look like reductions is not a option. What we are considering is using a sex belt that has a penis that will fit her. I not a young stud like a number of the people here at 63 and a hot 45 year old Brazilian woman. So I think I have to just enjoy what I can. I saw some penis extender that go over yours. I was also thinking I could use that since the first part is much smaller. It my girth that is the problem. I had this problem all my life and it true if you luck to find the one you love who can take you. I love my wife and do not want to change just want to make sure she is also happy.
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139792 tn?1498585650
COMMUNITY LEADER
I think you can make her pregnant. You can insert you first masturbate and when you are on the verge of ejaculation you may insert your penis as much as she can tolerate. Your ejaculated fluid containing sperms will reach at the right place.For conception you don't need the whole penis inside the vagina.
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Avatar universal
Frankj93, no you don't want to be one of us. I am in the same boat and everybody I talk to just says "stfu you lucky *******!! Stop complaining you hit the jackpot!!" But it's pretty terrible at times, and really annoying at best. Imagine the only sex you can ever have is "playing just the tip" because no woman can handle all of it. My fiancé sure gives it the college try, but at about 1/5 to 2/3 in her she has to stop me due to the pain. Even when she tries for my sake its not very enjoyable for me because I know that I'm hurting her and its agonizing to watch her feel like she's disappointing me but hurting herself in the process. Oral isn't really an option either because teeth are impossible to avoid.

I contacted 6 urologists and they all told me that surgery isn't a viable option. Surgery would involve cutting tissue that would take too long to heal meaning an inevitable erection, such as in the morning, would continuously re-break any tissue that has healed. There's also the issue of increased blood flow, which could possibly be too much blood and cause great pain and possible damage.

Because of the painful, disappointing sex, she hasn't wanted to for a long time and its been almost a year and a half since we have had sex. We have discussed finding a partner for a physical relationship only, but I can't do it, I would feel like I was cheating and wouldn't be able to live with myself.

The only option I have found and really the only way I have been able to get anything close to sex, is I bought a "Fleshlight." It's a male sex toy that feels pretty realistic. They make different models including an extra large one. Including my fiancé in the process, she holds it  with her legs and I guess that's the best thing and closest to real sex I guess I'll ever get.

I hope I helped you other guys out, I understand completely. I even had to go on antidepressants for a while because its a very depressing realization that you can't even enpregnate the love of your life naturally and need artificial insemination.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
dude you just an a$$ or you simply don't know what the F ur r talkn about.  If you really are big and not full of sh*t pay attention to the woman you are with.  Im not huge but above average and it has been a problem with more than one woman.  One of which, I really liked and that is what brought me to google this.  We really liked each other and tried about a dozen times the first night and failed miserably.  She definitely wanted me and sex and it was actually her sister that told her she should break up with me over my size.  She ignored her sister and we dated a couple more months but she avoided sex and when we tried again from the back with her butt as a buffer she asked me to focus on finishing because she really liked me and wanted me to.  However, while focusing on hurrying up I didn't know until after that she silently cried into the pillow.  The next time it came up she said she was on her period and we couldn't do anything.  Then she broke up with me shortly after.  So my thought on you is you are an inconsiderate pr*ck or lying about your size.
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Avatar universal
Jim, I can relate to this story and can assure you that this is a very serious issue.  My girlfriend and I dated three months and really liked each other but she broke up with me because sex really hurt her and I am only a little larger than avg at 8" even but she is smaller than normal and we failed miserably several times at sex.  I am very gentle and stop when I see a girl wince in pain and she was very upset and cried because I couldn't finish either so all that pain she went through was for nothing.
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Avatar universal
I would not suggest a surgery that could peranently disable your use of your penis. I also dont think cheating is the answer because that will cause more pain. There isnt alot you can do about the width but take your wife to a sex shop they do have things that can help with the length issue. Talk to a uroligist and have her ask for advice from her gyn. There are ways to improve your sex life without physically or emotionally damaging your wife. Please dont listen to these assholes telling you to cheat.at that point you might as well leave her.
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139792 tn?1498585650
COMMUNITY LEADER
I wonder whether, changing posture can help to have good intercourse with a larger penis. I think doggy posture will be helpful.
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Avatar universal
I hate to say it, but testosterone levels have nothing to do with it.  I'm 66, with my second wife, and I have the SAME PROBLEM.  Some might think we should be bragging, but it's not fun to hurt the one you love.  It's only in the movies that it's so great!
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Avatar universal
I'm black and have the same problem,even though I put half in,I'm hitting bottom. Please help. craig donahue-Macon Ga.
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