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Performance Anxiety
I have been suffering from some pretty bad performance anxiety. I am dating a girl that I really love and when we first attempted sex, I had a problem getting it up. Ever since then, I have been caught in the terrible cycle where I only think about getting an erection, thus causing me to lose my erection. Medically I am fine. Always erect on my own, as well as with her for foreplay or oral. The only problem is with intercourse - right before condom goes on or insertion I panic and lose it.
Recently, I finally was successful. I don't know what I did differently, but I was successful once and then many times after. In a period of maybe 3 days, we had intercourse over 10 times and had no problem at all. Unfortunately, the last time we were intimate in this period I was taking very long to ejaculate, most likely because I had nothing left in me. Of course, I started worrying a little, leading to a loss of erection. After that, I tried the next morning and I was back to where I started - lost it right before insertion. Now I am worrying again, which I know will lead to it happening again. This is really driving me insane. I know I can perform because I did many times, but all it took was that one incident and I am back to worrying about it again. Any suggestions on how to block this in my mind, what to do differently, etc. I basically know I just need to forget about my erection, but it is easier said than done. One more thing: this is a long distance relationship which I think compounds the problem. After it happens I go about a week without seeing her, and I think of sex as something I need to prove that I can do next time I see her, which puts a lot of pressure on me. I know this is the absolute wrong way of thinking, but it is very hard to stop. Thanks.
Recently, I finally was successful. I don't know what I did differently, but I was successful once and then many times after. In a period of maybe 3 days, we had intercourse over 10 times and had no problem at all. Unfortunately, the last time we were intimate in this period I was taking very long to ejaculate, most likely because I had nothing left in me. Of course, I started worrying a little, leading to a loss of erection. After that, I tried the next morning and I was back to where I started - lost it right before insertion. Now I am worrying again, which I know will lead to it happening again. This is really driving me insane. I know I can perform because I did many times, but all it took was that one incident and I am back to worrying about it again. Any suggestions on how to block this in my mind, what to do differently, etc. I basically know I just need to forget about my erection, but it is easier said than done. One more thing: this is a long distance relationship which I think compounds the problem. After it happens I go about a week without seeing her, and I think of sex as something I need to prove that I can do next time I see her, which puts a lot of pressure on me. I know this is the absolute wrong way of thinking, but it is very hard to stop. Thanks.
Just think about how much you love her and how sexy she looks. She will love you and stay with you through the "tough times" so quit worrying.
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