Petrified of anything sexual?

[TheCuree]

I'm an 18 y/o girl and I'm so terrified of sex that it's actually ruining my life. I shake uncontrollably before. I even start shivering. I freak out when he tries to take my clothes off and I just want to get up, cry, and scream. It's so bad that I think that I should just go through with it and lay there till it's over just to satisfy him. When I was 14 I was with a very sexual 20 y/o which, I know was a very very bad idea. I'd cover my eyes when he'd do these things. I feel like I'm just going through this all over again but I truly love this new guy. Did my ex ruin this for me because I was so young? I get extreme feelings of guilt after sexual acts, too. Especially after an orgasm. I'll just lay there and want to cry. I'll feel so disgusted and hate myself. I think about what my parents would think of me or God. It's awful. I also fear I was somehow sexually abused as a child? Or was my past relationship considered abuse? I haven't had sex since that age, either. I know it's going to hurt all over again too. I don't wanna go through with it, but I want my partner to love me. I don't wanna disappoint them. I just don't know what to do. Why must I get crippling anxiety over such a natural thing. I do have sexual feelings, though. It's mainly the thought of sharing such intimacy with another human being that scares me so much.. and the pain. I'm also scared he'll judge my body and performance. I don't want him to think badly of me. I don't want him to see my body and then him be unattracted to me. I'm so worried over this. What should I do? Why am I like this?

[clement4now]

Hi,


The description of your level of anxiety, sounds a lot like unresolved issues with the past sexual experience you had at 14. Please don't beat yourself up or feel guilty because of the choices you've made in the past.  Fourteen is very young, and you were unprepared for what took place between you and the 20 year old adult...

Unless you have already sought counseling, I suggest that you seek advice and treatment from a therapist before you continue with any sexual intimacy.  Speaking with a therapist can give you an outlet for you to talk about how you feel, and it can teach you how to work through any guilt or shame that you've been dealing with. It is up to you to decide on what you are most comfortable with; if you don't feel at ease right now with having sex in your current relationship, don't do it.  Don't leave your partner in the dark ~ when you can, you should talk with your partner about your feelings on all of this, so that he will understand where you are coming from emotionally and physically.  If he truly cares about you, he will be understanding and sympathetic to your needs...

The California legal age of consent for sexual contact is 18 years old; it varies with different jurisdictions, in different states.  There are exceptions that you may want to read about in the 'Romeo & Juliet Law', which you can research online, or at a library. It can supply you with more information in regard to your question about sexual abuse...
I hope this helped some :)

Good Luck