Aa
Please I need some help/advice without judgement
Ok... This is very difficult for me to say because I have not told anyone. I have a porn addiction. I started young, with your relatively "normal stuff". It was real women I was looking at. That however changed, I started looking at anime porn. After a while what I looked at got more and more abnormal. Until I got stuck on shemale anime porn.... I have an anxiety disorder so please dear god say nothing threatening. I don't know if I can love a real girl I have no "feelings" for anyone. I need help. I want to be normal and turn back from what has already been started. I have a psychologist but once again that is to treat my anxiety. I don't think I could tell her.... Please I feel terrible about what I've done please don't beat me up about this.... I already have done it myself...
But what is more upsetting is that after a while I can only feel sexualy attracted to the anime porn. That however was not the case when I started this habit. I'm afraid I won't be sexualy attracted to actual women. I'm very afraid anxious the works. Will this change? Can I have an actual relationship?
One word: Condemnation. You feel this overwhelming sense of guilt and burden because you have overdosed on porn. First off I want you to know it is not your fault. Even the most unsuspecting people have dabbled in porn. I would say I have had my share. But the good news is you can still "feel". You are not completely numb to emotion otherwise you would not feel this feeling overwhelm you when you talk about sex. Try to channel your emotions in a possitive way and start off by doing something small. Take a tiny step forward out of the dark and into the light. If you are looking for peace from you current lifestyle look no further then where you left it. Retrace your steps back to the place you have begun this disturbing journey and start there, going back in the possitive direction. Ex: you can live without he internet. You can live without the cause of the problem. even if it is for only a little while. You need to escape by other means. You sound like you are on a path of ditruction and it is a ride you need to get off and fast. You are a brave soul coming on here and expressing your deepest dificulties. So glean what you can from the voices of the annonymous and good luck to you. NEVER GIVE UP.
First of all, I'm sorry about your anxiety; I too used to have a LOT of anxiety, and could not talk about sex to anyone. That being said I'm not trying to say I know what you're going through-everyone's experiences are different, so I don't know what you have gone through.
I can tell you that these sort behaviors are insidious, and morph over time as they change your own perceptions. It can be unhealthy to emerge yourself in pure fantasy for your only sexual outlet. This could impair future relationships because you may fantasize unrealistic images which may cause problems.
This behavior also has a tendency to cause a great amount of guilt, and more anxiety from the fear of being found out. You may be in constant dread of what people would think if they only knew. This could be increasing your anxiety disorders.
What I would recommend is cold turkey. Delete all files, and web browser history/cookies, etc, get rid of it all. This may seem like too much but I can't begin to emphasize the sense of accomplishment and confidence you will feel from it. You need to replace this habit with another-because if you don't you will only be left with a void, and prone to relapse. It could be sports, or just running, some exercise routine, but something to take up this void. Additionally if you incorporate something to help others such as volunteering, learning to do something like making cookies for shut-ins. (Cooking is a very desirable trait for independent men to have now) These type of things help you to be interactive with others less fortunate than yourself, and can really go a long way in restoring confidence as well as reducing anxiety. Getting a new perspective on life can work wonders.
If you slip up, don't beat yourself up about it!!! Get yourself up and keep going!
I'm sure that you are a very intelligent, capable person, who only needs to break free. Focus all of this energy somewhere else and you will amaze yourself with what you can and WILL accomplish.
I can tell you that these sort behaviors are insidious, and morph over time as they change your own perceptions. It can be unhealthy to emerge yourself in pure fantasy for your only sexual outlet. This could impair future relationships because you may fantasize unrealistic images which may cause problems.
This behavior also has a tendency to cause a great amount of guilt, and more anxiety from the fear of being found out. You may be in constant dread of what people would think if they only knew. This could be increasing your anxiety disorders.
What I would recommend is cold turkey. Delete all files, and web browser history/cookies, etc, get rid of it all. This may seem like too much but I can't begin to emphasize the sense of accomplishment and confidence you will feel from it. You need to replace this habit with another-because if you don't you will only be left with a void, and prone to relapse. It could be sports, or just running, some exercise routine, but something to take up this void. Additionally if you incorporate something to help others such as volunteering, learning to do something like making cookies for shut-ins. (Cooking is a very desirable trait for independent men to have now) These type of things help you to be interactive with others less fortunate than yourself, and can really go a long way in restoring confidence as well as reducing anxiety. Getting a new perspective on life can work wonders.
If you slip up, don't beat yourself up about it!!! Get yourself up and keep going!
I'm sure that you are a very intelligent, capable person, who only needs to break free. Focus all of this energy somewhere else and you will amaze yourself with what you can and WILL accomplish.
Social anxiety disorder is what I have. I can barley even thouch the subject of sex without my stomach feeling like it's on fire. I don't really know what happens. If I start a conversation about it, my stomach feels likes it's boiling and my eye starts to twitch. I start feeling strange like I'm about to jump out of my skin.
It's obvious this is causing more anxiety for you and in order for your therapist to help you it would probably be in your best interest to share this with her.
Now if you are in fact attracted to shemales, then maybe you shouldn't fight it. Be honest with yourself and don't worry about what others may think. Acceptance is key to easing anxiety.
Now if you are in fact attracted to shemales, then maybe you shouldn't fight it. Be honest with yourself and don't worry about what others may think. Acceptance is key to easing anxiety.
""I don't think I could tell her...""
If you don't acknowledge the problem, you cannot work on resolving it. Many many people are addicted to porn. In your case it changed into something more than that. You need to work on social skills that could be lacking. That might have led you to withdraw from society and others and spend so much of your time alone, Maybe your anxiety disorder began as a social one.
If you don't acknowledge the problem, you cannot work on resolving it. Many many people are addicted to porn. In your case it changed into something more than that. You need to work on social skills that could be lacking. That might have led you to withdraw from society and others and spend so much of your time alone, Maybe your anxiety disorder began as a social one.
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