Please help

[narla]

How can I enjoy sex
by narla, 3 hours ago
I have been married for 29 yrs,but have never been able to enjoy a normal sexual relationship with my husband.I love him dearly and he's very understanding,My skin crawls when he touches me and I have to psyche myself to have sex(I don't call it lovemaking)My problem is I was sexually abused as a 7 to 10 yr old by my brother who was 10 yrs older than me.I have a lot of guilt because at the time I found it enjoyable,he was loving and gentle,gave me money and gifts.It wasn't until later I realized what happened was wrong.At 14 I became very promiscuous I had nothing to lose my virginity was gone anyway,I was having sex with men and women aged up to 55 they were introduced to me by a 28 yr old woman I used to babysit for. My problem is I can't relax and have never had an orgasm with my husband,or any one else before I met him, the only way I can is by self stimulation,But I have to be alone my husband can't be in the room or I can't relax enough.Any helpful suggestions would be welcomed.I am in therapy due to the sexual abuse at the moment.I was wondering if anyone has had sexual therapy and whether it might help.

[iam1butterfly]

You are fortunate, indeed, for having such a caring and supportive man in your life.  

[narla]

yes my husband is aware but he understands it's not him it's me with the problem,he knows all about the abuse not in full detail but i think that's why he has supported me all these years.He also knows about the promiscuity, it was when I met him he showed me you don't have to have sex to love someone.I was willing on the 2nd date but he refused until we got to know each other better.I was 16 then and he's the only man I've been with since.

                             Thank you for your reply,  Denise

[iam1butterfly]

Intensive therapy for the abuse that you were subjected to along with couple's counseling for yourself and your husband would be the way to go.
How successful it would be would depend on both of you.
By the way, is your husband aware that you don't enjoy sex with him?
And, have you discussed the childhood sexual abuse with your husband?

[narla]

Thank you for your reply,my husband would be very commited,I suppose that's why we've been married for 29 yrs and he's managed to keep loving me even though I find it hard to be loving.

                                                 Denise

[tarah1]

I think the therapy can help especially if your husband is involved and you can be open about your concerns, fears and desires. If he is committed to helping you through this he could be very instrumental.