I have been sexually active for almost 3 years now. In the beginning, it took me close to 2 months of regular sexual activity to come to a position where I could have painless and enjoyable sex. I was extremely tight and sex used to hurt immensely. However with time I was able to have enjoyable sex. Currently, my partner and I live in different cities, which means that I meet him for only a weekend every month. When we meet and we try to have sex it hurts very much. It is like it was in the very beginning and I feel like a virgin again. He tells me that I am too tight and asks me to relax. But I am unable to relax because I anticipate the pain and tense up. This is causing a lot of frustration for both of us and while we desire each other a lot we are unable to do much about it as it hurts very much. I have been doing some research and everywhere I read, vaginal tightness is seen as Vaginismus. However considering I was having totally painfree and very enjoyable sex previously and since problems have started only now that I am in a long distance, I dont think its Vaginismus.
What should I do to make sure that it doesnt hurt? I am sure if we are in the same city and sexual activity is fairly regular, these problems wont happen. But how do I prevent my vagina from tightening and how do I save myself from painful sex every month?