Sexual Health Community
13.5k Members
Avatar universal

Sexual dysfunction only when in person

I am 24, and I have never had sex, because I have never been in an intimate relationship with a girl. I have always been attracted to girls and am not gay. Recently, I have gone to 2 erotic massage parlors and paid for extra services. However, I have not been able to achieve erection with either of these girls. They were stimulating my penis with their hands and I could not become aroused. The same occurred after attending 2 strip clubs - I was unable to achieve erection during the lap dance. However, I am regularly able to masturbate while alone in my apartment looking at pictures or porn. I suspect that my problem is psychological and may be due to problems such as:

1) Anxiety
2) Insecurity over the size of my penis/lack of self-confidence
3) Always masturbating to athletic women with above-average muscle tone leading to becoming overly picky when it comes to body type
4) Lack of emotional connection with the girl

This problem is worrying me greatly and has put me in a great deal of psychological distress. Could someone please give me some advice on how to go about dealing with this? Thank you very much.
5 Responses
Avatar universal
this does sound psychological...my ex boyfriend had a similar problem. He could not stay hard for long or would go hard to soft and he was a virgin...being comfortable with youself, your body and your partners does have an effect on this. It takes more time for others to become comfortable and sex and everything leading up to sex is a big deal so try not to worry and talking to someone always helps... try and relax and I would say try and embrace youself first rather then anything because self worth and confidence is everything and if you would like go to a psychologist. My ex boyfriend did, we did not get back together. But try and fix your problem before getting into something long term, people do take this to heart as did I and it could have been prevented if he had gotten help earlier...
Avatar universal
Thanks for the response. What did your ex-boyfriend think his problem was? I would like to know what other people with a similar problem feel is the cause and also what they are doing to fix it.
Avatar universal
I sound bad saying this but I sorta pressured him into sex. We only did it a few times and it didn't turn out very well he would get hard then soft and or he just would not last long. He spoke to a pshycologist this seemed to help him (with confidence issues) I personally could not handle it anymore (not only not having sex, there were other things, we were really opposites but he is still my friend) I think all of is that he was scared and he had never done this before and was lacking confidence in himself (not only in the bedroom but all around) With certain people you can just tell. He was a wonderful boyfriend and is still a wonderful friend (one of the best ever) but confidence is a big issue with certain people and if you don't have it or don't believe in yourself, who will? Try to relax like I said, and just go with the flow, try hard not to think about things in depth (thats what he did) and if you can, find some people to talk to (a pshycologist, a friend or a family member that won't judge you and will put your feelings and emotions in great consideration.) Best Of Luck. If you need anything else let me know. I would love to help. and P.S0 try and have a lot of patience with youself. not everything comes so easy. ( I lack a lot of patience with myself too, so I know first hand :-/ )
Avatar universal
Do you think I might be able to talk to him personally? Maybe you could give me his email? I think it would be helpful to talk to someone with the same problem as me.
Avatar universal
Honestly I would be Im pretty sure he wouldnt like that I had told anyone about this :( since this is a very private thing.
Have an Answer?
Top Sexual Health Answerers
139792 tn?1498585650
Indore, India
Avatar universal
st. louis, MO
11369760 tn?1449504372
Southwest , MI
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
Dim the lights and break out the…eggs? These 10 foods will kick your sex drive into high gear.
Here are 16 facts you need to know to protect yourself from contracting or spreading a sexually transmitted disease.
The surprising benefits of getting busy
Pain, cramps and spotting — when should you call the doctor?
How do you keep things safer between the sheets? We explore your options.
Can HIV be transmitted through this sexual activity? Dr. Jose Gonzalez-Garcia answers this commonly-asked question.