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Sexuality concerns
I'm a 21y/o M, that has been struggling with what my sexual orientation truly is. I suffer from anxiety and depression, and I believe my on-going unanswered question of who I truly am is the true cause.
About 4-5 years ago my real questioning began. I became good friends with a classmate and even got to know his family well. The family suspected possible gay orientations and questioned him. (It was a normal friendship between two males, no homosexual acts) It freaked me out and was hurtful. It spun me into a anxiety/depression state of mind and have battling it ever since. I have been on medicine and spoken to a family counselor and these seemed to help me, but I still cannot come to terms on my sexual orientation. I have been in a 4 year relationship with my girlfriend, and have been sexually active. At times I think I am secure and happy with this relationship but I always end up doubting myself. I have always desired women, looked at straight porn etc.
Ever since this event I beat myself up every day sometimes non stop and without control over the fact if I'm anything but heterosexual. This is where the anxiety and depression follows and I find it being a larger than life issue for me. When I am around people of my same gender I instantly go in to my inner questioning mode of all of my doubts and such. Sometimes I do feel what could be attraction of the same gender, but it makes me feel sick to my stomach and wonder what it exactly means.
Long story short I seem to cover ever possible gay/straight scenario and I am lost. I know I prefer to be heterosexual. But I also worry I could be in denial. The weight I carry with this is tremendous and I feel like its wearing me out.
Maybe someone can shine some light on my concerns..
About 4-5 years ago my real questioning began. I became good friends with a classmate and even got to know his family well. The family suspected possible gay orientations and questioned him. (It was a normal friendship between two males, no homosexual acts) It freaked me out and was hurtful. It spun me into a anxiety/depression state of mind and have battling it ever since. I have been on medicine and spoken to a family counselor and these seemed to help me, but I still cannot come to terms on my sexual orientation. I have been in a 4 year relationship with my girlfriend, and have been sexually active. At times I think I am secure and happy with this relationship but I always end up doubting myself. I have always desired women, looked at straight porn etc.
Ever since this event I beat myself up every day sometimes non stop and without control over the fact if I'm anything but heterosexual. This is where the anxiety and depression follows and I find it being a larger than life issue for me. When I am around people of my same gender I instantly go in to my inner questioning mode of all of my doubts and such. Sometimes I do feel what could be attraction of the same gender, but it makes me feel sick to my stomach and wonder what it exactly means.
Long story short I seem to cover ever possible gay/straight scenario and I am lost. I know I prefer to be heterosexual. But I also worry I could be in denial. The weight I carry with this is tremendous and I feel like its wearing me out.
Maybe someone can shine some light on my concerns..
Dude I'm like 28 and obsess the same way you do. I think I will get therapy. But, I think we should listen to jml1986 and scot120 it's good advice.
I have to agree with scot120 on this one. Stop stressing out, you are straight as can be.
" I know I prefer to be heterosexual."
"You choose being straight , bottom line " If you have homo thoughts , masturbate or have a close relationship with another guy , your not gay .
If you hate sports and want to be a hair dresser , your not gay .
If you have sex with another guy , OK , then you would be gay.
Stop freaking out ! , your not gay .
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