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Avatar universal

Tito much porn, ED, or me.

My husband and I rarely have sex. We have been together several years so I don't feel like the flame should already be gone. I actually think it should never be gone but I also try to be realistic. We've never had sex at a large rate but it was at least twice a week. Now we might have sex every three or four weeks. He shuts down on me when I try to talk to him about it. He's been to the doctor to have everything tested as far as testosterone and other possibilities, and everything came back normal.  He gets hard but it's never completely erect. He can ejaculate but seems more interested in me performing oral sex or him having sex with my breasts than being inside of me.  He's only 42 and I'm 37. I don't believe I'm boring in bed and am willing to be fun. He also doesn't want to kiss much either like he used to.  He's told me several things that have given me red flags about possibilities of the problem but I'm at a loss. First, he told me he liked me initiating things, but when I do, I get rejected. Then he went the opposite way and just said he'd let me know when he wanted to have sex. Then he says for me just to grab his penis and that will get him in the mood. Wrong and wrong!  I know he watches porn and have even told him we could watch it together but he wasn't interested in that. Also, there is no spontaneity. I've come home on lunch when I know he is home...rejected!  I come into the room in lingerie...rejected.  I thought may he masturbates to much (at least every other day) and supposedly he has tried to take a break on that. No help. When we do make love, it's when he wants to and only for his pleasure. When we first began making love, he always wanted to make sure I was pleased too.  Yes, I've even wondered about infidelity, but I know that isn't happening either. We live in a small town and we both know where we are most times. I'm at a loss and though sex isn't what makes a relationship, I definitely think it's important and can hurt one. I know he had similar issues with his previous wife and his disinterest in sex. He once even told me it was fun when he felt like it was a chase like in the beginning because I wouldn't have sex with him for a long time because I wanted our relationship to be built on us and not sex. I even tried to repeat that for awhile to see if that would reignite some fire. No luck with that either. Any ideas or suggestion or Brutal honesty. I'm at a loss and would like to know what others think.
3 Responses
Avatar universal
I am so sorry. Have you considered talking to a counselor at all? There's a book called No More Headaches: Enjoying Sex and Intimacy in Marriage by Dr. Julianna Slattery that you may find helpful. You might also try the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. We all have a love language and if you can figure out what you and your husband's languages are you can start speaking them and that fills up our love tanks.

Live, Laugh, and Cantor on
10860803 tn?1416010408
You have the same problem as my female friend. Her husband like to have sex with her everyday in the first year of their being together as lovers then it became once a month because the guy was assigned on their branch office. 8 years after they got married and my friend gave birth. Since then, sex life has not been okay and the guy would only had sex with her just to relieve himself then went back to sleep. On the 6th year of their marriage, my friend finally call it quits and left the guy for another man.

They have not consulted a marriage counselor because the guy won't admit that they had a problem so my friend just let him be and her love for the guy faded into nothingness and she started hating him. What I'm saying here is that, if the love is still there then you seek marriage counseling so you can still save your relationship. But the feeling should be mutual else, you will only fight a losing battle.

Hope this helps.
Avatar universal
i believe his problem is his porn addiction, he is getting all his stimulation and more from porn and masturbationg. you have no sex life as long as the porn is in his life, he needs to stop, or you can find another person.
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