What guys thoughts on virgins? Honestly?

[janey27]

So I have a question...

I'm not sure if this is allowed on here but it has been making me nuts forever!

I'm am 19 and a virgin and really not at all embarrassed by that fact. I'm not one of those virgin until marriage people or those super religious or anything I just haven't found the right guy I would like to give that too...To me there use to be a day when sex was important, almost like a somewhat magical moment of two people who were in love and now it seems people do it like shaking hands...My closest friends are non virgins...Actually of all my friends I am the only one....

Most the time when I meet guys and they find that out they are super surprised...the won't believe me forever and swear I am lying because I have actually got "No your not...you are hot hot girls aren't virgins." So I am nowhere close to conceded because I dont assume I am drop dead gorgeous or anything but I know I'm not disgusting.

Then it gets frustrating because for some reason I have a few guys who I have known awhile and are like just do it with me because you dont want to want to be with a guy you really care about and not know what you are doing so lets just us do it and I will almost teach you...I have lots of guy "friends" like that and I find that almost funny since its like they want that claim and then will feel all so special taking that from me being as I have held onto it for years!

So I guess what I was wondering is guys true thoughts on virgins?

Some guys I meet that I am interested in are just like somewhat nervous about that fact and some don't really have a responds. I mean I don't just broadcast that info...I normally keep it to myself yet for some reason my friends find it humorous to inform guys that...Like if we are out with a group of guys and I am getting any attention that bomb gets drop and sometimes its crazy how fast the guys scatter.

Now again I am not against sex...I mean I think when it happens it will be right because I care yet are guys at my age or even older, (no more then five years for me right now) but are they completely against their girlfriends being virgins?

I have a friend who actually didn't tell her boyfriend she was a virgin until after they had sex and then he was like no really? and she was like yup and he didn't believe it...so is it better not to tell him at all?

Ugh the confusion and feedback is always fantastic so please thoughts?

[sweetpea03]

I know there are personal preferences, though was more saying that the girl should really wait to be with a guy who has the qualities she is looking for. Some guys don't want to be with virgins, so she should skip past those and keep looking for the guy she would want to be with. I think as people get older it is expected that they would no longer be virgins, which does tend to be the case, hence why anyone older would most likely not want to be with a virgin. People have different preferences, which is good. It would be pretty boring if everyone were the same.

[sweetpea03]

Ok, well at your age it makes more sense, though for the original poster I'd think that more guys around her age wouldn't be in the mind set that you are. Or even guys ten years younger than you. It's about who you look for in a partner. I wanted someone who was mature and not playing games, and who was supportive and understanding. I found that in my boyfriend, who was willing to wait for me to have sex. I never wanted the relationship to be based on sex, as that cannot in itself hold a relationship together. You have to have other similarities and interest in common to make it work. I would think that whether or not someone is a virgin doesn't matter, because the relationship is more than sex. Not everyone will agree with me on that, though I know my boyfriend and I share that idea.

[severin76]

" I know serioussam and severin76 had said they don't like being with a virgin, but to me those are guys I would avoid. (sorry, no offense). " - yes, it is normal and I do not take any offence because of that. As I explained above, I was speaking about my personal preferences and of course people are different and their preferences are different too, so it is normal and natural that someone is attracted to some aspects more than to others.
For example, if some girls have some age preferences that they would never date a person who is much younger than them (one day these young men will be older and they may be attractive for girls with this preference then), it is just their preference and nothing is wrong with them. The same with me - I just restrict my choice of sexual partners to non-virgins, so there is nothing wrong with me. The same as with age - people get older and women change their virginity status over the years too... Some people prefer blond hair, others prefer dark hair, some people prefer dominant partners, others prefer submissive, some people prefer younger partners, others prefer older partners, some men prefer virgins, others (including me) prefer non-virgins. It is just good that there are different people and different tastes:)

[SeriousSam]

I didn't say that I would not like to be a virgin just that there is a lot more complications in most cases to deal with.  And let's be honest sweetpea03 I'm 40 years old.  The mentally sane and sexually healthy women who are any age that would not reek of criminal perversion (ie. 19 years old) just aren't my age range.  Though I do like a certain Madonna/**** archetype if I pursue first impulses I end up with a psycho June Beaver with a cleaver type.

If you meet a 40 year movie outside of a comedy movie chances are she has major problems.  Virginity is great!  In fact I hope my daughters REMAIN virgins until some great sainted person who meets all of my standards and makes them happy appears.  That having been said you are indeed of sweet disposition but please understand that my observation was taken several decades and several decades of relationships, dating, psychology & Sociology classes, and listening to my female friends.

Not all type of relationships are good for all stages of a persons life.

[sweetpea03]

You can find that guy. I know serioussam and severin76 had said they don't like being with a virgin, but to me those are guys I would avoid. (sorry, no offense). There are guys out there who will be what you are looking for. They'll be kind and take things slow, make sure you are comfortable and ready. I lost my virginity when I was 20 with the guy I am still with. He made it special, in that I felt comfortable and he had never pressured me into doing it. It was my decision. I have absolutely no regrets losing it to him. It is good to wait for the right guy and you will find him. Just have to wait until the time is right.

[janey27]

I agree with everything that has been said. Like I said I am a virgin not a nun or something ridiculous. Sex I think as girls we have to accept isn’t going to be a magical moment like in a movie scene. That it’s not meet him, marry him, be together for 50 years.

I don’t expect to marry the first guy I sleep with. I would not put that pressure on him like that because I am not super religious marriage person.

I have many guy friends and I have brothers so I have heard all sides on this topic. I normally prefer hanging with the guys then girls because as a girl I admit we can be slightly annoying…So I think my thoughts for a 19 year old virgin is really different then a lot of girls my age.

I hang out many times with my brothers and their friends (who are all older and who have all become my close friends) and I think sometimes for a short period of time they forget I am a girl and will talk about their night before, some girl they picked up at the bar over the weekend and I don’t know I guess I don’t want to be talked about how they sometimes talk about those girls.

Now of course I mention sex they go into freak mood, they say no way because my “interest” in guys so far has not been great and they will not let me sleep with some jackass (which makes me laugh since they sometimes act and talk like said jackasses but whatever another story haha). But I guess at the same time I don’t let the virgin thing upset me because they are like I said older, their ages at range from 21 to 25 and it makes me laugh because like I said before they don’t believe I am a virgin (which I don’t know why I would lie about it but alright) and they are always like “Man I wish you weren’t “my brother’s name” sister because I would date you.” Then I would laugh be like really and then they go “Yeah, I mean you hang with the guys but are still girly, you don’t annoy me and at the same time you haven’t run around with every guy in this group.”

So I guess sometimes that makes me feel better.

Guys like sex as simple as that and I find it somewhat unfair when a girl will date a guy for years and not ever sleep with them because the fact is true that it is a trust thing and if you are with them for a few years you should trust them. A girl can pretty much have sex when she wants.. In a relationship a guy is never going to be like no, stop so if a girl wants to not be a virgin anymore I find that its easier for her to loose it then a guy.

Girls shouldn’t use sex as a weapon on a guy that is completely unfair.

Also in the since the word “sluts” slightly **** me off. Girls can enjoy sex just as much as guys and just because she likes it doesn’t make her slutty. It’s human nature and if she enjoys it hell let her enjoy it and if she wants to sleep with someone let her, don’t call her a **** for doing something you as a guy is doing.

My virgin fact works against me more then it helps I think and because I think guys see a virgin they think ok they want a long term relationship and some guys at my age don’t want that. They want fun, crazy nights out and not be tied down to one person.

I don’t expect to marry my first. I mean if I do that’s great but nowhere in my head do I think  I will and that doesn’t bother me.  In all honesty I have a guy, who is just a great friend, he wasn’t a boyfriend but I will admit I would not allow myself to be alone with him because oh boy yeah it would have happened. Now I know I wouldn’t regret it, never but at the same time the friendship may have changed and I wouldn’t want that so obviously that shows I am not a prude in the sense of sex not with a boyfriend.

I’m 19, I am in college and I am human so sex has crossed my mind, many times. My friend all have had sex, and I guess my problem is that some are in some serious relationships right now and I have had their boyfriends talk to me about their past. I have had some tell me how they weren’t exactly comfortable yet on all the guys in their girlfriends past and sometimes they wish it wasn’t what it was.  I just tell them if she can accept his past he needs to accept hers and they have grown from it.

I have many guy friend who enjoy their girls being a virgin because for a reason they like the fact she doesn't have a past he is worried about. Even if a guy pops up when they are out somewhere who is her ex he isn't worried because he has gotten to a place the other guy never has. Not in a claim to her way but in the since she cared so much about him, so much to trust him with that, that his jealousy isn't as much.

Again I’m not against sex, I am not some prude so I don’t want to come across as judging because I am 19 and am one. I am not in the since “proud” of being a virgin because that would make it sound like I think sex before marriage is wrong and I don’t at ALL! I want that very clear.
I just don’t get the whole I wouldn’t sleep with a virgin because if everyone thought that then we would all be virgins still. At some point in our lifetime we have been a virgin and I think guys also should understand that even if we don’t vocalize it doesn’t mean we aren’t scared and that just because we are virgins don’t mean we have some disease.

I feel like sometimes a guy thinks if he is around me he will magically become a virgin again which is nuts but I really think it’s the fact they know they aren’t looking for a serious relationship so instead of even playing around with it they become a friend and I have had many great amazing guy friend who have admitted that was it. Have said when they are wanting a really relationship I am the type of girl they want, the bring home to mom girl. It just ***** when they realize that is what they want (which it has happened a few times) I don’t want to be that girl for them anymore. I would rather be the friends not risk the friendship and my then it’s too late.

I wouldn’t put pressure on the guy I first sleep with but I have also seen the amazing guys, who are guy friends (just friends swear) that have dated a virgin, slept with her and been happy with that. I would later become great friends with her and she has said he was gentle, he made her feel as comfortable as he could and though she wouldn’t lie it hurt the fact he tried so hard to make her feel comfortable made her more the certain with her choice, it made her relax and that’s what I want.

I just want I guess to be able to when I have a daughter and she asks if I regret it be honest when I say no. Even if it’s a great friend I was nuts about, even if it wasn’t her dad, (which odds are good it won’t) that it will be ok because it was the right time for me.

And no I don’t accept the candle light, moonlight perfect scene because I think when it’s with the right person the setting isn’t that big of a deal…the person makes it special not the place.

[Westguy1003]

As a guy, I dated a virgin for several years. I indeed respected her choice to remain virginal but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't frustrated by the fact that we weren't having sex. The relationship ultimately ended for a number of reasons, this was one of them.

Overall I think it's important to wait for your first time if you "can help it." It will probably not be the magical experience that I think most women (and men, to an extent) dream about but that doesn't mean it can't be an enjoyable, intimate experience with someone you do care about.

At 19 you're probably not going to meet the man of your dreams, get married, and live happily every after, etc... Which is not to say that there aren't good, decent guys out there that you can have a relationship with and maybe eventually have sex with if you choose to do so.  My advice to you would be to wait until you're ready but don't make finding "the one" into a mission. Puts a lot of pressure on you, him, and everything else.

There are certain stigmas on being a virgin past a certain age. I'm not sure what that age is but apparently you've crossed it. Although I wouldn't consider a 19 year old virgin all that unusual and certainly not a bad thing. High school and to an extent college really doesnt' matter. Whatever these guys think of you, say, do, etc.. isn't going to make a bit of difference when you're 27 like I am. The people you want to stay in touch with and maintain friendships with... you will. The jackasses who gawk at you like some sort of weirdo because you're a virgin will fall by the wayside and you might eventually run into them when they're making change at the gas station they work at now.

The guys who insist on "arguing" with you about it are idiots. The fratboy "omg you are not! Stop lying!" argument is a moronic one and I'm not sure what their angle is supposed to be in even starting such a stupid dialogue such as that. Likewise the "friends" who say "Well you should just lose it to me and get it over with" are just horny and trying to get into your pants. They could care less about making it "special" for you.

Some guys are into the virgin thing. They'd like nothing more than to be a girls first time. Other guys would avoid it like the plague, not wanting the responsibility, the experience, or beng forever remembered as the first one.

Any halfway decent guy will be okay with you being a virgin. Any halfway decent guy should respect the fact that you've held onto it for as long as you have and will wait patiently until you are ready. It's not weird, it's not bad, it's certainly not anything to be ashamed about.

Any guy who will think anything bad, wrong, weird, strange, or any other negative feeling about you because you're a virgin is a guy that, trust me, you don't want anything to do with.  You should avoid these guys like the plague.

Now on the other side... even halfway decent guys, once they reach a certain age, are going to be expecting/hoping for a physical relationship with you of some kind. For many guys this means having sex. Other guys might be happy with doing other things all day long but most guys are going to want to have intercourse. You're still young. At 19 no guy should be expecting anything but as you get older and into your 20's the sex thing will become more relevant in your relationship because most guys will be expecting things to progress to that point eventually.

Doesn't mean you have to give in, but those will be the vast expectations of most relationships you would/will get into.

Bottom line: A decent guy won't think badly of you for it. He'll think it's nice. Certainly any guy would rather you be a virgin than a **** who did have the football team one night. Decent guys will respect you for it. Agressive jerks will lust for it, and some guys will be freaked out by it.

We had a woman on this board not too long ago who was a virgin in her 30's and considering having sex for the first time. There's nothing wrong with waiting until you are comfortable with the guy and you are ready. If the guy can't handle that, then that's his problem and not yours. Will it be special? Sure. It can be. Will it be the moonlit night and the candles and fireworks and all those things? Maybe. Probably not. It doesn't usually happen that way. But that doesn't mean you can't wait until the time is right, the guy is right, and the experience is enjoyable, loving, and special for you.

[SeriousSam]

I have to agree with you.  The emotional investment where virginity is all to often as if you were an unpaid therapist.

[severin76]

I cannot answer the question about other guys, neither can I offer a typical male perspective because I think I am different from the "sexual mainstream guys" in many things (sexual preferences, sexual strategy, opinions, criteria etc) - so I can just answer your question from my own personal perspective.
So, what do I think of female virgins? - I respect them as people, if I knew that some of my female friends, co-workers, family members etc were virgins, it would not change my overall attitude to the. The problem (My problem, not theirs:) starts when it comes to sexual context. In a relationship or in sexual interactions, I am not attracted to virgins at all. Note, I do not judge them, it is not about my ideological opinion, it is only about my sexual preference.
In case of a relationship, I prefer a partner who knows exactly what kind of sexual style she has (including desired frequency, sexual preferences, positions, ways of the most satisfying stimulation -clitoral, vaginal etc...) because sexual incompatibility was the root of many serious problems in my past relationships. Moreover, the more active approach to sex a girl has and the more dominant role in sexual interactions she takes, the more attracted to her I am sexually. As for some archetypes, my sexual mind is tuned more to some "dirty" or "sex-obsessed" images, as for symbolical archetypes I prefer the archetypes of "sluts" - symbolically, it does not mean that I would be able to live in a promiscuous way or that I would be able to tolerate promiscuous behaviour of my partners - I am speaking about the fantasy or archetypic attractions.
When virginity is important to many girls, I would not like to deal with the "responsibility" related to her expectations of "the first time" which would influence her for many years and I would not like to have the feeling that something like "Is he the RIGHT person?" might be going on in her mind.
So, in general, virgins have never belonged to my preferences and I am happy that I have never hurt or disappointed any of them as I have always been attracted to something/someone else. I respect virgins, but I do not view them as potential sexual partners. But I guess there are more guys who have exactly the opposite preference as me, my deviant perspective is not representative of male population in any way.

[SeriousSam]

Part of this got cut off some how.  LOL if anyone actually cares I will go back and try to recreate the missing portions.

[SeriousSam]

Hmmm. What do guys think of virgins?  I think your question is rather what do guys think of female virginity?

Let us address the nervous ones.  A little more conscientious these ones are probably more concerned because of:

A) Possibility of blood and pain.  I once had a friend when we were both in our 20's who asked me to take her virginity because she had some concerns whether her questions regarding her own orientation were due to lack of success with men or developing inclinations.  Now much of her lack of success had to do with the fact that even though I thought she was beautiful she had foot long scar from birth regarding a pediatric heart surgery.  

     This is relevant for one reason.  She did not tell me that she was on blood thinners and blood EVERYWHERE!  Unstaunched profuse bleeding bleeding is just one fear that guys have regarding a girls virginity.

B)  Ego & ID:   This can be good or bad.  If I guy cares, who wants to be a woman's first and only bad experience?  Or in the case of my friend possibly "turning her into a lesbian" if she decides she doesn't like it.  

C)  Anything can be a habit.  With virginity, often people who preserve it as "gift"  for the "right person" there are often religious, romantic, or confidence problems.  It is the weekend so not wanting to hear outrage I will skip over the religious reasons--for now.

Regarding romantic reasons?  These people often have unrealistic expectations that expand with the more time and "chic flick genre"  that they have been exposed to.  The reality is that the first time is rarely, in someone who is unprepared, to be that great.

If there are confidence issues you run into the possibility of someone "imprinting" and/or feeling that the person they shared this experience with something more than they really are or circumstances would warrant.

And really the last has to do with simple habit in its purest form.  The longer someone waits to have sex, the older they are with less experience and a proven track record of not having wanting sex enough to seek it out? what reason is there to think that they will change just because of one experience?  Medhelp Sex is full of people with incompatible sex drives, who purposely wants to risk that.

Now  for the eager:

Just as the nervous have their reasons so do the eager hunter of virgins.  Keep in mind that I don't have a high view of this perspective.

A)  You are getting to experience something that can never be experience twice with a person.

B)  You get to influence the "training" of the person.  For example I lost my virginity when I was in my late teens to a lady who was in her late thirties.  I was taught to do certain things regarding foreplay etc.  that I will to this very day without thinking twice in order to satisfy a partner.  Are they bad?  In this case not but if someone is not careful they can be gradually "twisted" somewhat at this time be someone who has differing ideas of normal.

C) In men or women it is a power thing.   Kind of like those people who try to change homosexuals of the opposite sex.  If someone has held out against everyone else but you then you must be really desirable right?  It is ultimately a power issue.


Much of this is perspective and an attempt to summarize some very difficult archetypes.

C)  

[Deepak1234]

Really you expressed your views intelligently. I think sex would be very natural if you really love someone upto that height that you can surrender you before a guy. It should not be without love and understanding.

[iam1butterfly]

Believe me, it's well worth the wait.
I waited for the "right man" at the "right time" in my life. And, I'm happy to say, that I have absolutely no regrets about that decision. Just follow that "inner voice" that tells you to wait... and, you can't go wrong.

[brandieHope]

wow i wish i was still a virgin n im younger than you. i think girl should wait even guys if possible i think it's harder for guys to remain virgins vs. girls. but i want my nieces to remain virgins for a very very long time because i think it's whats best. the longer you hod on to it the better. some guys just wanna take a grls virginity thats why you can never be sure i guess.and just letting a guy friend take it wouldn't be what your lookin for.

[sweetpea03]

I'm glad you're waiting, not many girls do. I did myself and told my bf who didn't believe for a little while, got similar responses to you. I was soo glad I waited though to give that to my boyfriend who I've been with for a while. I think many guys at your age range are just immature. They tend to think with the wrong head. I think you should not give it up until you have found the right person. Nothing wrong with being a virgin. Good luck