Hi! I am clear on the fact that I am messed up in the head over sex. I've been sexually abused, but in a mild form compared to others. I've also had long term problems with food/weight and body image. I don't know if at this point if it's worth mentioning that I have low self-esteem - I'm not sure if this would have any direct link to the sexual side of my life.
I find a strong disgust towards the main sexual parts of the body - 'vulgar', 'rude', these parts should be kept private - full stop. Further to this I can't stand the non sexual parts of the human body - I hate my body. I dislike the scars on my skin. I dislike the bumps, lumps, creases which forever worsen as time goes on.
The only time that sex feels right and nice is if I'm dreaming it during the night. I assume it's these dreams that lead me to crave normality in real life. Does anybody believe I have a blind chance of this?