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am I too late to have a sex life?

I am 49 male. very stifling Catholic background as doted on only son has caused me to be so embarassed and shy as to make a sex life with my wife of 16 yrs possible. my upbringing overemphasised negative/dirty/immoral/sinful attitdes to sex.  I can have erections in masturbation but I simply get overwhelmed with accuired negative ideas if I even think of actally having a sex life with wife! not surprisingly my wife is no getting frstrated having waited so long but but her mockery only makes me feel worse! How do I repress these overwhelming negative thoughts from my opressive youth! A 49 yr old virgin is no joke!
7 Responses
372900 tn?1315512302
Is your son biological?  If so, how can you be a virgin?
Avatar universal
sorry my c**p keyboard is playing up - I mean that I was an only son! Actually I was adopted as a baby, my adopted parents took me in after my adoptive mother found ot she could not have kids of her own. Their religious beliefs held that sex was only for the prposes of reproduction and not for pleasure. As she could not conceive they did not have a sex life and I remember they always had seperate rooms!
372900 tn?1315512302
OK.  That makes more sense.  I just want to get one thing clear.  You masturbate but can't stop thinking negative things when you want to have sex with your wife.  Now I'm not Catholic but I am Christian and I know that masturbating is a sin.  Sex with your wife, according to Catholics, is to be only used when procreating.  Otherwise, that's a sin.  If you have no problems with negative thoughts when masturbating why not do the same thing when you go to have sex with your wife?  Think about the same things you do when you are masturbating.  It may take some getting used to but see if you can't try to push the thoughts to the back of your mind and jump in with both feet, so to speak.  I'm sorry but that's all I can suggest besides going to therapy.  I do, as a fellow Christian, understand how hard it is to abide by all your denominations rules and that it's hard to overcome.  It won't be easy but you're still young!  I do wish you the best of luck.
Avatar universal
thank you for your considered comment - I was honestly afraid that the hole orld would fall about laughing at me!
372900 tn?1315512302
Not at all!  Like I said, I understand how hard it can be to be a Christian sometimes.  You want to do everything right but sometimes it's hard.
684030 tn?1415612323
I'm 53 and I was also subjected to a stringent pre-Vatican II Catholic upbringing, including several years of Catholic schooling at the strict hands of humorless Irish nuns. So, I know exactly where you're coming from... with the "Catholic Guilt" and all. Fortunately, my religious influences weren't as repressive as that which you described. I guess I was lucky, in that sense.
But, I know plenty of Catholics (of our generation) who are just like you; and, I suspect that the negative feelings about sexuality may have more to do with the powerful influence and faulty logic of repressive parenting and less to do with Catholicism. If you study the contemporary teachings of The Church, it tells us that, in addition to procreation... sexual intimacy is a perfectly healthy and normal expression of Love between married couples. Might I suggest that you try to embrace that simple and lovely concept; and, work on the negative feelings regarding sexuality by seeking some sort of therapy or marriage counseling. It would do you no harm; and, it could very well do you a world of good!
1060231 tn?1338390135
denying your wife of feeling good once in a while is very selfish.maybe you feel that you are not able to please her so you do the next best thing.you hide and masturbate.if you think that feels good then make love to your wife,that feels a 1000 times better.take her into your arms and hold her tight and tell her how much you love her ,then take her into the bedroom and make passionate love to her.i think deep down inside you really like it but your bullheaded and won't admit it to yourself.let her know how much you love her and how much you need her.eventually if you don't give her any sex theres a chance you might lose her.or she might get it elseware and i know you wouldn't want that to happen, sex relieves the daily stress we go through and dismisses our worries for a brief time.so don't let her down ,show her how much of a man you really are.good luck and i hope i was of some help to you
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