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am i gay?

Hi, im Kate. Im turning 19 on September so im old enough to know a few things about sex and sexual health. Im unsure wether im gay or not. My friends keep making fun that Im a **** cuz im bisexual cuz i like girls but go out with guys. I think i m attracted to guys too but now that i really think about it i think im more inclined to find girls more attractive than men. I have had sexual relationships with both genders before but now im more curious about wether im gay or m i still in that experimenting exploring stage? My parents are i think overly concerned about my problem of deciding where and how my sexual orientations lie. My mom gets too hysterical that she'll never b a grandmother. My Dad thinks nothing of it, he says i should go where my gut tells me i should go. Go with my gut feel. Do whatever i think is right. He's very supportive. But now i feel like i should know what i m to determine my future. I've thought about this particular question for quite a while now. When im with guys somehow it feels right. Like this is the way things should be. Thing is i've never been with a guy that's made me as comfortable as i m when im with a girl. I know im not confused. I do know the diffrences between men nd women. Ever since i could remember, i've always been attracted to girls. I lost a very good friend when i was younger cuz i had told her if i could marry her when we grew up. She asked her mom about it. Her mom told the guidance counselor about it. Counselor called my mom and i stopped going to that school. I'd see her every once in a while. Our dads work together. So we'd see each other during christmas parties and charity functions. But we steadily grew apart after that. She was my best friend and now that i think on it, i think i was very much in love with her. It makes me cry now thinking about her. Matthew however is a beautiful man. He's everything a guy would probably want to be. His family is well enough to do and they're very nice to me. But i do feel that when i stay over at his appartment when he's on a weekend break from his internship, is that im lying to him and it breaks my heart that i cant be truly in love with him the way i think he deserves. I've had a girlfriend for 5 months now and although she's very sure that she wants to b with me i m not. When she cups my breast it feels great! But wrong somehow. When he does it, it also feels good and it feels so right like this is the norm so it has to b good. She wants me to move in but his cousin who is also quite attractive as well (female, naturally) confided in me that he's asked Aunt Emilia for grandmama's ring. He's such a good man that i just want to do right by him. But will i be betraying myself? I dont want to make a mistake that i would really regret later on in my life. I do love him so much. But i also like her. Or is there something wrong with me? Should i admit myself to a psychiatric ward?
I like a good romp around the bedroom, dance floor, office, just like any other woman. I have fantasies of getting felt up from behind and fingred by women i interact with and then straddled by my Matthew. I've wanted to ask him for so long if he'd b open to the idea of having a menajetrois and since he's a man im sure he'd b all up for it. But i've asked my other male friends and they told me to b careful with ideas like that cuz some men aren't like that at all and it can make or break a relationship. Any REAL helpful advice would be very welcome please.
2 Responses
134578 tn?1602101550
Tell your mom to stop crying, lesbians have children all the time.

You're focusing on the sex when you should be focusing on what you fantasize about when you think of love and marriage and who you'll be living with in that house with a picket fence.  Only when we identify who we think that person is, do we find out what gender we happen to love.  It's not about how your body feels, everyone has sexual fantasies.  It's about how your mind feels, and your heart.

At 19, nobody has any business hauling out grandma's ring.  Don't get married for at least 7 more years.

Good luck!
Avatar universal
What Annie said. Give yourself time to figure out not just your sexual feelings, but your emotions as well. It's obvious that you have some inhibitions when it comes to your feelings about girls, and only time will allow you to sort things out. This is why getting married at your age would be a terrible idea, regardless of your orientation. You need time to mature emotionally, everyone does.

You also make it kind of sound like you have two different relationships going at once? Is everyone involved aware of this? There is nothing wrong with being polyamorous, but not being upfront about it still counts as cheating. You need to sort that out as well before moving forward, another reason why you're most likely not ready to accept that ring.

Either way, don't worry too much about how to label yourself, okay? Bi, lesbian, pan, poly... just be honest with your feelings and give yourself time, and you will find out what you're comfortable with. The words are just that. They can be useful in how to describe yourself, but they don't have to define everything you are. They're tools, not rules :)

I know this was posted a little while ago, but I still hope it can help!
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