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bisexual men

I just found out that my husband is bisexual.  We have been married for 15 years.  Iam shocked and depressed.  What should I do??????
11 Responses
Avatar universal
He's the same man you've been married to for the past 15 years.  Because you just found out he's bisexual doesn't mean he's any different now then he's been the entire time you've known him.  How did you find out?  Did he tell you or did you catch him doing something?  I guess what you should do depends on the circumstances.
750172 tn?1256147076
He may be the same man you married 15 years ago.  But, obviously he's not the man you thought you married.  I would immediately get yourself into counseling!!!  I can't imagine how much you are feeling.  If I was in your position I would leave him.  Any trust you had in him has gone out the window.  NO, it is absoulutely NOT okay!!  Relationships have to be based on trust.  He obviously doesn't feel that way.  
534805 tn?1234540706
HONESTLY I AGREE WITH ANGEL UMM THIS OBVIOUSLY ISN'T THE SAME PERSON YOU THOUGHT YOU MARRIED I KNOW IM ONLY 19 BUT IF THAT HAPPENED TO ME I WOULD LEAVE HIM JUST BECAUSE I WOULDN'T BE COMFORTABLE SHARING HIM WITH A MAN SO YOU SHOULD JUST LET HIM GO I MEAN WOULDN'T YOU AGREE YOU NEED SOMEONE WHO IS GOING TO LOVE YOU AND JUST YOU AND NOT HAVE A NEED FOR CURIOUSITY WITH ANOTHER MAN OR WOMEN HES GONNA WANT TO EXPLORE EITHER WAY BUT ITS ALL UP TO YOU EITHER WAY ITS GOING TO HURT
484465 tn?1532214032
my first thoughts:

you just found out your husband isn't your husband after all.  i'd likely end it with him
Avatar universal
I think you people are jumping the gun here.  You know very little about the circumstances of the situation and yet you are narrow mindedly expressing to her that she should divorce her husband.
750172 tn?1256147076
No, we're telling her what we would do.  No, we don't know all the details...but, the fact remains if she's been married to him for 15years and just now found out.  He has been lying for 15 years and that IN MY OPINION is a huge trust issue.
1 Comments
It is not that easy...societal pressure made some men keep their bisexuality in the closet.  As long as he does not fool around with other men then she should keep him.  
Avatar universal
Lying?  I wonder if she ever asked him if he's bi in those 15 years.  I also wonder what sexual fantasies you're "lying" to your spouse about because you never happened to share them.  A "Lie" is not defined by private thoughts.  I am attracted to my wife, but do not forget that I am a man and I also find the occasional woman attractive.  By not telling her when I see an attractive woman on TV am I lying to her?  My wife is a blonde, I find blondes attractive, I also find brunettes attractive but I withheld that information from my wife, It is a private thought and by keeping this from her does not make me a liar.  If I have a sexual fantasy that she doesn't know about am I lying to her? or am I simply choosing to keep it private.  Having private thoughts and individuality does not constitute a "trust issue".  Each participant in marraige is entitled to their own thoughts.

On the other hand, we don't know if he's ever acted on his bi-sexuality.  Wanting to seek out a relationship with a man while being married is crossing the line.  It in fact is no different than persuing a relationship with another woman.  If this were the case I would completely agree with you that she should consider ending the relationship.  Unfortunately the OP has decided not to respond so I guess we'll never know and it really doesn't matter.
750172 tn?1256147076
Very true, and I do admit I assume being bisexual means you have acted on that.  Guess it depends on everyone's personal definition of being bisexual. He may not have...
765152 tn?1234688015
It's normal to feel hurt, betrayed and lied too. I sure was when I found an ex of mine was bi after being in a 3 year relationship. I wondered what if he went more towards men or females. I was most shocked when I found out.

I'd sit down and talk with him, find out what's in his head. He may be feeling a little hurt and depressed by your reactions to him. Find out if he's been faithful to you in your 15 years and if so does it really matter what happened in the past?

I hope the best for you both and that you make it through all of this, if that is your wish!
Avatar universal
What If he was scared you wouldn't love him and he loved you but he didn't want you guys to end so he hid it to protect you and your family he is the same man it doesn't mean he doesn't love you
139792 tn?1498585650
COMMUNITY LEADER
This is an untenable situation.This action depends on your typical environment. You adopt to the situation you are in without feeling any guilt. You are justified any action you take to come out of this situation.
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139792 tn?1498585650
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