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1038969 tn?1269499639

my wife did not seem virgin

I am south asian hindu . After marriage, For first few times my wife did not part her legs properly...and it looked little odd the way she kept her legs....ie close. and when i requested her to part her legs after few nights ...she did after few moments ...and i felt that i entered her smoothly .....no pain ...no bleeding.

when asked ...she complained of pain next time!

She also tried to hint that her early period bleeding --spotting as the hymen bleeding....and appeared tense when i found that her period had started early.

i know 40 percents girls dont bleed and feel pain on first  time sex. her anal is so tight ...then how come her vagina so wide from first day..

she does not want to tell anything....she says she never had any relationship before marriage...

I respect her . But want the truth. I wont
19 Responses
Avatar universal
Dear Please ask your wife whether she was engaged in some sports activities or not. If no, then she may be befooling you by not spreading her legs and pretending to be virgin and tight.
Personally I also had same kind of experience with my girlfriend.
But I think the issue of virginity has lost importance now a days.
969634 tn?1330844194
dear friend ,

in today's time , 1 out of 10 might be vergin before marriage , forget about girls being vergin , even guys are not vergin these days . and i feel what ever her past was , if she wants to live with u for her entire life ahead , her past will never come in between , so forget all such issues and live happily . and never ever bring that topic in your discussion , as she might not feel comfortable talking about it .
1254841 tn?1269298483
im respecting everyone else in what they are saying, but i have an opinion as well:

a lie should never be in a marriage. no matter what- a lie is a lie, and sounds like- you have been lied to.
you shouldn't be worried about what she has done in her past, cause we all have skeletons in our closets- but you should set with her and talk about not being honest.

good luck dude.
1038969 tn?1269499639
thanks for reply.

she says she has nothing to confess. And i should not make such queries again n again.

she ignores when i say most virgins feel pain, bleeding etc.

I want her to  show a virgin sex video from adult site to show what i mean.


Avatar universal
Many women do not bleed or have pain with the first time, this can be especially true if she has masterbated alot. The hymen can break very easily by normal daily activities beside having sex. I don't know if she is telling you the truth, but if she is then you are only going to cause problems by continually saying she isn't telling the truth.
Avatar universal
if she played strenuous sports (track, soccer, gymnastics) or rode horses her hymen could have broken. she could just not have bled or had pain. that could just be how her  body is.

you're upset at how she "parted her legs" or didn't? did you ever stop to think she was nervous? or scared? or just didn't want to? women are not like light switches. we don't turn on just b/c a man says to. we are allowed to say no. if you continue harassing her about this you're going to drive her away. unless you have solid proof she wasn't a virgin...take her word for it. otherwise...she'll start regretting the moment she said i do.
1038969 tn?1269499639
she says she never played sports...never did masturbation...

"..women are not like light switches"

she was OK with all other things ...while doing sex...

It was just the legs thing that seemed odd...and also the way she opened her legs...it seemed she had thought abt it ...not during passion moments...

she further says ...no girl in her family can think of sex before marriage...
Avatar universal
I recommend letting this go.  You will drive her away, and I'm sure at the very least she won't be interested in sex with you at all.  

Why is it okay for you to have her view online pornography but not that she may have had sex before marriage.  She is adamantly denying this, though you don't sound like a virgin to me.  Not my concern.  Let it go.  This should be a happy time for you, and you are ruining it for both of you.
1038969 tn?1269499639
I was a virgin ...and mine was arrange marriage ..where parents hurried and pushed me into marriage .

Both families did not allow us to meet more than once despite my request. And my family said as there are no prospects i better say yes.....i agreed but wanted to meet her again . And despite knowing my mental state ...my parents did not take me when they met the family again . And as my family has taken my word ...they said they are going to meet the girl's side and may tell them YES then and there. i said Ok. They told them OK without even giving me a phone call. I had expected a call at least , and i wanted to defer the girl ..and wait for more prospects...

And when i saw th girl 2nd time , i noticed that i had not seen her nose whiich was bulbous ...biggest WTF of my life!!!!!
Avatar universal
the two of you should really go to marriage counseling or something. if you resent her this much...you'll be lucky if she lets you touch her ever again. how old are you? the way you speak and describe this poor girl you seem to be very young and extremely immature.
Avatar universal
I would believe your wife. if she says she hasn't had sex before, she probably hasn't. my boyfriend didn't believe I was a virgin, though I had truly lost it to him. I did NOT feel much pain at all(didn't complain of pain) though was slightly sore, and did NOT bleed at all. I'm not an athletic person/played no sports. Womens bodies are different, so don't expect all virgins to have the same reaction to having first time sex.
Avatar universal
there is no way 2 tell! plain and simple! when i lost my virginity it was not that painful and i didnt bleed! and if my husband thought i was lying we'd be divorced! stop bothering her about it! it cant be making her very happy. Were you a virgin 2? or do you njust expect her 2 be?
1250698 tn?1371354879
It seems this question is more culturally driven.  The fact that it was arranged says it all.  Some cultures can find it degrading/insulting, for a lack of a better word, when their virgin bride is not...virgin.  
For her legs not "parting" right...she could have easily been scared, nervous, etc.  She didn't get to meet you either and she's expected to bed with a practical stranger.  I'd be a bit apprehensive too.
For you to say she's not a virgin though...like many have explained, women's bodies are all different. I didn't bleed, have pain, was not involved in sports, didn't ride horses either, but I was definitely a virgin.  There are so many factors involved with this. She could be timid because she barely knows you, scared because of something in her past, and maybe even angry because she didn't get to meet you either.

Advice: drop the virginity issue. She will absolutely resent you for it if you continue, dooming the marriage.  Instead, sit down and talk to her. Ask her what she's thinking/feeling and try to control your emotions while she does.  Getting upset over one thing could make her not trust you and not want to confide in you at all.
Avatar universal
Full respect to everyone who has refrained from calling you a complete prat. One thing people havent asked is "how big is your penis"? I am actually being serious here - as statistically speaking South Asian's do have smaller than average penis'. If your wife has used a tampon before its probably bigger than your weeny and hence why her vagina seems so big.
Respect your wife, and accept the fact she is being honest. Not all women are comfortable flashing their vagina's to men - which in your wife's case if she hasnt had sex, you are likely to be the first man to see it. I doubt she'd needed to see a gynacologist.

Finally no doubt that if she spreads her legs her vagina is going to be more open. Goes without saying doesnt it? How much sex have you had before your wife? I bet hardly any.
Avatar universal
One last comment. Sounds to me you were pushed into marrying a girl you did not know or like (commenting further on about her bulbous nose emphaises how shallow you are) and you are using this virgin thing as just an excuse. I pity you a bit but your poor wife more.

You allowed yourself into this mess and now its your responsibility to behave like a respectable Hindu Male and treat your wife with RESPECT>
Avatar universal
You have arranged married.
That explain everything -.-

u will keep continue to doubting her abt another things too, not just because this issue. If u didnt doing sth abt this, it will grow, believe me.

Sorry, just tell u what u need to hear.
Avatar universal
And agreed with johnson, if u still keep your faith, follow it.

Try to enjoy her, dont keep this trouble until u have child.

This trouble, can lead into another 'unwanted ending' for marriage... If u know what I mean.
Avatar universal
Somehow, I feel pity for you (your arrange married,arrange girl, so u didnt get the girl u want) and your wife (cuz she will spent all of her life to gain your full trust to her as devoted wife).

Hope you two, can pass through this trouble soon.

Hey, lemme tell you sth.

U may dont get the girl u want,
but you will get the girl u need.
(lol I think I'm misspeling it, but oh well. Haha )
Avatar universal
i am marrige with my brother wife b'coz my brother is not able to sex with her. I was in very pressure to my family so i marriege with her but the main problem is that my brother life has been spoiled if any medition to treat him plz tell me
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