Aa
Aa
A
A
A
Close
Avatar universal

Are we just sex fiends

My husband and I both in our 40's have been happpily married and in love for 16 years and have 8 children to show for it.  We have what we think is the best sex life one could imagine. Every night before we go to sleep, most mornings before we get up, not to mention extra on the weekends when we can sneak away for a quickie ... and even during my m.c.  The thing is is that my husband wakes in the night and masturbates, sometimes twice a night. I have asked him just to wake me but he says he feels guilty breaking my sleep and doesnt want me waking tired in the morning. Sometimes I wake up and we I do we have great sex as usual other times I just wake up to dried up semen on me (and thats okay too)  my question is is this normal behaviour?  I love it and cant get enough but often hear women complaining that there men want it too often. Whats the average that your husbands want to have sex opposed to what you women want.
20 Responses
Sort by: Helpful Oldest Newest
Avatar universal
ttc means trying to concieve.
yoy jeez its been almost a month and youre still going on how jealous you are? whatever her reason for posting what she did why do you have such a harsh reaction?? if she just was curious about how her life is in relation to others then i suppose this was the place to ask, and IF by chance it was to rub it in your face i guess she did just that.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
yoy
Jealous- No not at all.  I was just put off by a woman whose only question was how often do you other women get it?  Everyone on here told her she is above average and then she goes on about how great she has it.  

Look if you want a pat on your back you got it.  You are just the best sex anyone could ever want and you have the best husband in the world, your children will most likely cure cancer and you will live to be 120 and still be banging the same man with the same gusto.  

Do I really think that Bill Gates telling me he does not have enough money is a problem?  Do I really think that you have a valid concern?    

You might want to figure you why you need attention from strangers to validate how good you are in bed.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Read all these posts with interest. I married the only one I ever went out with. Been a widow for over 20 years. Never been with another man. Have no interest in a replacement. Question: What does "ttc" stand for? I've seen it on a few posts. I admit I'm from a different age but the interest in learning is still here! I'm 75. Just started college again last year. Not too old to learn! - Thanks ahead of time for your answers!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
well its a good thing my dh does see this site haha. just kidding . he is usueally more tired for it than i am. he is working nights so i am ready when he isnt here. too bad hahah.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
well that i get. i too love my dh very much and am turned on very much. i meant whats your secret for the energy to do so? haha. my husband comes home smelling like jet fuel and i still find him attractive lol
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
well, good Lord!!! Does he have a brother? lol Just kidding. i'm married. I think it's wonderful you all have a great sex life! Eight kids? and still energy to do it? Wow! Don't you get sore? I do it 2 days in a row and i can't walk right. I think your friends are jealous. What in the world could be wrong with gettin in on all the time. It's a great work out. Forget the gym. Keep it up!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Ummmmm  well I dont do anything special, I eat a very healthy diet (only because I love fresh fruit and vegetables) and take a womens multi vitamin (when I remember) thats about it, wish I could tell you something magically exciting ... take care :)
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
youre so funny, there really isnt a secret its just that  I am really in love with my husband, he is kind, attentive and loving.  He  is a wonderful provider a wonderful support with the raising of all our children and a terrific dad. Its not hard to want him or want to please him. He still is very attractive, stays in good shape and always smells so good.  Me on the other hand after bearing 8 children long gone are the perky boobs, flat taught tummy and smooth un strecthed hips and thighs BUT it all doesnt matter to me because  my man treats me like a goddess so I actually feel like one ... on the inside anyway. LOL.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
im excited for you that after 16 years and 8 kids later you have any energy for it at all!! there has to be some secret you MUST share lol. there are nights we so want to but are too tired. dont let anyone tell you different there is nothing better than to be so in love with your hubby!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Doctormom -- I don't think you're bragging at all.  I agree with another poster that, when people criticize or judge you regarding your sex life, it probably stems from the fact that they're jealous.  I was absolutely delighted to hear that a couple married that long is still so much in love and has such a fabulous sex life.  I wouldn't bother reading books or asking the opinion of others.....if it ain't broke, don't fix it!  You go, girl!!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
yoy
Average Schmaverage- normal?  Who knows.  We are all different.  What matters is are you satisfied and is he.  I mean if you did not know he was doing himself- would you say why are we not doing it at 3 am and 5 am?

Quite frankly, you sound like you have it pretty good- almost to the point of coming on here to brag about it.  I was a bit put off.  

I mean my wife had an affair early in our marriage, never apologized for it, blamed me for it, refused to take my feelings into account when it cam to sex, belittled me when we did have sex(and not after I mean right in the middle of it), put me down if I did not finish quickly(implying she did not get me going) then when I focused on making sure I did finish, to please her, she complained I did not take care of her, and when I tried to explain and offered to try other things, meaning please her how ever she wanted, she just yelled at me and went to sleep-after all this brutilization, I rarely have sex-because either she has such dislike for me, I don't want to be rediculed if I try, and I just don't understand why she woudl want me(low self-esteem) if I am so pathetic.  

Given all that, do you really have any concern about your sex life.

Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
all i can say is good for you!  my husband and i have sex maybe once a week...though he's bumped it up to twice a week because we are ttc.  LOL!!!!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
That's amazing.  Good for you.  I feel like I want it much more than my husband, but then he is also working 60+ hours a week and exhausted when he gets home.  I think all couples should be lucky enough to get it daily!
Helpful - 0
125112 tn?1217273862
>Whats the average that your husbands want to have sex opposed to what you women want.<

To that question, I would say that my husband would prefer it more often (I think this is typical)and as for me...I would be happy if it were only once every two months. lol
This has absalutely nothing to do with my husband. I simply am not "wired" (very infrequent "urge") for much activity, I guess.
I've always been this way and no, I don't have any negative feelings about it whatsoever.

I think everyone is different. Some more active and some less active. As long as you both are happy and keep your "urges" within the marriage, then all is good.
Helpful - 0
79258 tn?1190630410
That frequency is statistically unusual, but that doesn't mean it isn't "normal". If you're happy, then who cares what others think, say or do. It's your life, not theirs. And who defines what's normal, anyway? In any case, my guess would be that your friends are a little jealous. Your continued pleasure in each other might actually make them feel a little concerned about themselves and their own relationships, which is why they stress their own "normalcy" and question your happiness.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thanks monkeyflower, I never thought of it like that.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thank you everyone for such a positive response, im so appreciative. Thank you doctor, thank you very much.  In answer to you question domtri nothing or no one is/are being neglected because of our activites.  And for you Buris I guess the concerns that I have come from negative feed back that Ive heared from other people suggesting that we are not normal because we still enjoy each other as much as we do for as long as weve been married which I think is sad.  Thanks again.
Helpful - 0
242520 tn?1211300679
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Well you certainly aren't average !! But that's a good thing.. there are very few couples who have sex as enthusiastically and often as you do--and have 8 children to boot! Amazing--and wonderful. Obviously, you both are uninhibited and joyful about sex and time has not diminished your interest. Really, you are a national treasure and should probably go on the lecture circuit talking about to keep a long term marriage sexually interesting!

I wouldn't worry about the solo sex that your husband does. He obviously has an even more insistent sexual drive than you do ( and 99 per cent of the rest of the country). An easy and efficient way to relieve sexual craving is to masturbate- and that is exactly what he is doing. That's not abnormal- or disrespectful or unloving. It probably reflects the fact that it's the middle of the night and it's just an itch he wants to scrath without starting a whole, energetic love making session.

Really, you both have got it so good, that there is truly nothing for ou to worry about . The average sexual life after as long as you two have been together is about two to three times a month - I don't think that's an average you want to emulate! I do not have data on how much sex ,ideally , women would want verus men...but you might look up this issue in The Social Organization of Sex by Lauman, et al... they have a number of statistics from a large random sample study and they may have some data on your question. Remember, of course, that the stats you read are modal- so if a majority of men and women over ten years duration have sex much less than you- there are also some couples who are also quite game for sex all the time.,. but unhappily for the world, they are not the majority. You can read more about the relationship of duration of relationship and sexual frequency in my book American Couples - Money , Work and Sex ( out of print-but available through a library or Amazon) and a later article by Sprecher, Call and Schwartz looking at national survey data on this topic.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Good for both of you and being able to raise 8 children. I would like to tell you that there is sexual addiction. and sometimes this type of addiction is the best sex we could ever have. The good thing is it is your husband- so in that area you both get an A. However , Does it interfere with your or his ability to work, take care of kids. Is it more of just a habit, like something you both feel needs to have some boundaries regarding sex or like it is compulsive you want to stop sometimes, but cant. Sexual addiction or sex seems to be a priority or something that must get done, or intereferes consistenly with important things that should get done. Something for you both to look into if you are really concerned--sometimes there are issues from childhood or hidden sexual issues that can manifest in the high that comes from sex.  In the meantime I will keep you in my prayers but thank god it is your husband and you two enjoy yourselves, still get busy, and take care of your kids.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
You seem to be happy; your husband seems to be happy and considerate of your sleep.  You seem to be questioning your good fortune for some reason, but I wouldn't.  You are fortunate and should continue keeping on.
Helpful - 0

You are reading content posted in the Sexuality & Relationships Forum

Popular Resources
Millions of people are diagnosed with STDs in the U.S. each year.
STDs can't be transmitted by casual contact, like hugging or touching.
Syphilis is an STD that is transmitted by oral, genital and anal sex.
Discharge often isn't normal, and could mean an infection or an STD.
STDs aren't transmitted through clothing. Fabric is a germ barrier.
Normal vaginal discharge varies in color, smell, texture and amount.