Aa
Confused - do I leave it or do I ask him out?
I know this guy now for a number of years just from socialising in our local pub, he's a nice guy, has good manners and has a lot going for him, he also seems to have no problem with women (judging by the amount of female attention he gets). Anyway I've kissed him a number of times but nothing more, we get on great but I've never been that interested or attracted to him but always enjoyed his company. He was always the one more interested in me but yet he has never actually asked me out!
About a month ago we were together again and he stayed in my house (& bed) but I wouldn't sleep with him (he wasn't pushy either). He texted me a couple of times in between but it was just banter (he didn't ask me out or anything) but we were together again last Thurs (3rd or 4th time) and I finally stayed and slept with him in his house. We got on great, had a lovely night, he dropped me home later that afternoon and texted me that eve to see how I was and to say he really enjoyed the night. (his cousin had been sussing me out by asking would I go out with him etc, he was being relatively subtle about it as were adults here not teenagers)
Not sure what to do here, the thing is that now I would like to see him again, it seems to have taken a while for me to develop interest in him but now that I do want to meet him again I'm not sure what to do. Should I ask him out (I'm petrified of being let down again as it's happened in the past) or should I just wait and see if he uses my number to ask me out, and if not, let it go? The last thing I want is for him to think I can be put in the 'friend with benefits' category but I don't want him thinking I'm still not that pushed either.
About a month ago we were together again and he stayed in my house (& bed) but I wouldn't sleep with him (he wasn't pushy either). He texted me a couple of times in between but it was just banter (he didn't ask me out or anything) but we were together again last Thurs (3rd or 4th time) and I finally stayed and slept with him in his house. We got on great, had a lovely night, he dropped me home later that afternoon and texted me that eve to see how I was and to say he really enjoyed the night. (his cousin had been sussing me out by asking would I go out with him etc, he was being relatively subtle about it as were adults here not teenagers)
Not sure what to do here, the thing is that now I would like to see him again, it seems to have taken a while for me to develop interest in him but now that I do want to meet him again I'm not sure what to do. Should I ask him out (I'm petrified of being let down again as it's happened in the past) or should I just wait and see if he uses my number to ask me out, and if not, let it go? The last thing I want is for him to think I can be put in the 'friend with benefits' category but I don't want him thinking I'm still not that pushed either.
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Hi.
I’m glad you resolved the situation and have moved on. And I’m also glad you brought up body image/nudity, which is such a critical issue for many women. I think your insight that you didn’t fully trust your last partner is very accurate. In short-term casual sex, you usually don’t have much of a connection with the other person, so you’re quite vulnerable. There’s a lot of pressure for everything to be perfect, so it’s no wonder you’d want to hide any part of yourself you don’t feel great about.
It sounds like you feel fairly positive about your body and comfortable in it. If so, congratulations—many of us are still trying to achieve that state. Is it possible that the key for you is not to put yourself in situations with men who are virtual strangers where you feel you have to be perfect? What if you find someone, get to know him, establish a relationship, and THEN see how you feel about taking off your clothes? My guess is that once you’re in an actual relationship with someone who is both honorable and trustworthy, this won’t be as big an issue for you. And if you find yourself with a man who feels negative about your body size, you know what to do :} Dr. J
I’m glad you resolved the situation and have moved on. And I’m also glad you brought up body image/nudity, which is such a critical issue for many women. I think your insight that you didn’t fully trust your last partner is very accurate. In short-term casual sex, you usually don’t have much of a connection with the other person, so you’re quite vulnerable. There’s a lot of pressure for everything to be perfect, so it’s no wonder you’d want to hide any part of yourself you don’t feel great about.
It sounds like you feel fairly positive about your body and comfortable in it. If so, congratulations—many of us are still trying to achieve that state. Is it possible that the key for you is not to put yourself in situations with men who are virtual strangers where you feel you have to be perfect? What if you find someone, get to know him, establish a relationship, and THEN see how you feel about taking off your clothes? My guess is that once you’re in an actual relationship with someone who is both honorable and trustworthy, this won’t be as big an issue for you. And if you find yourself with a man who feels negative about your body size, you know what to do :} Dr. J
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Hi.
Oh dear. This is the problem with euphemisms. I’m not sure what you mean by saying that you “slept with him in his house.” Do you mean that you spent the night at his house, or do you mean that the two of you had some sort of sexual interaction? If you WERE sexual with him, but you’ve never actually formalized any kind of relationship, then you’re entering uncharted waters. Neither of you has said what you want. And you have no idea what it is HE wants. You’re interested in him, but you don’t know whether he’s interested in you. Perhaps he truly just wants to be “friends with benefits.” It does seem like you’ve already entered that category. Generally, if you have sex with a man, and he doesn’t follow that up with any communication about wanting to be with you, do you get the feeling he’s not interested—or only minimally interested?
There’s only one way to determine what’s going on and that’s to ask him. If you wait for him to make all the decisions, then you have no power in this dyad. If that’s OK with you, then you can wait until HE decides what’s going to happen. Do you want that? Do you want to be friends with benefits and come at his beck and call? I know it can be a little scary, but if you want to be sexual with someone and minimize your chances for regrets, you have to be willing to do a few very important things: communicate clearly with the other person, take steps to reduce your risk of STD’s, and use effective methods of contraception. I wish you all the best! Dr. J
Oh dear. This is the problem with euphemisms. I’m not sure what you mean by saying that you “slept with him in his house.” Do you mean that you spent the night at his house, or do you mean that the two of you had some sort of sexual interaction? If you WERE sexual with him, but you’ve never actually formalized any kind of relationship, then you’re entering uncharted waters. Neither of you has said what you want. And you have no idea what it is HE wants. You’re interested in him, but you don’t know whether he’s interested in you. Perhaps he truly just wants to be “friends with benefits.” It does seem like you’ve already entered that category. Generally, if you have sex with a man, and he doesn’t follow that up with any communication about wanting to be with you, do you get the feeling he’s not interested—or only minimally interested?
There’s only one way to determine what’s going on and that’s to ask him. If you wait for him to make all the decisions, then you have no power in this dyad. If that’s OK with you, then you can wait until HE decides what’s going to happen. Do you want that? Do you want to be friends with benefits and come at his beck and call? I know it can be a little scary, but if you want to be sexual with someone and minimize your chances for regrets, you have to be willing to do a few very important things: communicate clearly with the other person, take steps to reduce your risk of STD’s, and use effective methods of contraception. I wish you all the best! Dr. J
Another question.... I haven't been in a relationship for a couple of years now and I've found that I've become, what I think, is abnormally inhibited sexually. I just simply can't get naked with a guy now and find myself doing the lights off half clothed carry on when I'm in an itimate situation! I can never relax as all I can think about is the fear of revealing myself.
I noticed this only recently with this guy mentioned on my last post and am just wondering if it's because I didn't fully trust him or should I get some help/therapy with this issue? I'm starting to feel that my body is a total turn off to anyone and that if I get naked the guy will get turned off!
I have extra weight on my but I'm not obese or anything (about UK size 14 or US size 10 I think) and even if I was I'm sure obese people have sex lives too!!).
Any suggestions? Thanks....
I noticed this only recently with this guy mentioned on my last post and am just wondering if it's because I didn't fully trust him or should I get some help/therapy with this issue? I'm starting to feel that my body is a total turn off to anyone and that if I get naked the guy will get turned off!
I have extra weight on my but I'm not obese or anything (about UK size 14 or US size 10 I think) and even if I was I'm sure obese people have sex lives too!!).
Any suggestions? Thanks....
Thanks, sorted it Sunday night when he was sniffing around again, he's history, and another lesson learned (I'd say he learnt one too!). Thankfully I'm not that bothered......
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Millions of people are diagnosed with STDs in the U.S. each year.
STDs can't be transmitted by casual contact, like hugging or touching.
Syphilis is an STD that is transmitted by oral, genital and anal sex.
Discharge often isn't normal, and could mean an infection or an STD.
STDs aren't transmitted through clothing. Fabric is a germ barrier.
Normal vaginal discharge varies in color, smell, texture and amount.
