Anything new can be scary; take a deep breath and read on.
Since I wasn’t there, it’s not clear to me what was happening, so I can only give you some information which might help alleviate some of your concerns.
Please stop worrying about the size of your penis. Penises come in all sizes, and 4 inches when erect is a fine size—both for sex with yourself and for sex with your wife. Most men erect to between 4” and 5”, with some variation. Whatever size your penis, it can bring both you and your partner great pleasure, especially when combined with accurate information and good communication.
The vagina is not located deep inside the body. The vaginal opening is right there, at the top of the thighs. It sounds like you’re unfamiliar with female anatomy. Here’s a fun way to educate yourself: Ask your wife to lie down and spread her legs, and LOOK. Look at all the parts—where they are, their coloring, etc. Most men who love women think the female vulva is beautiful (vulva is the collective noun for all the things that live in a woman’s crotch: the clitoral shaft/glans/hood, the inner and outer lips, and the vaginal opening). Once you get comfortable with your wife’s anatomy, you’ll understand where to put your penis.
Also be sure that you’re both very aroused before attempting penis-vagina sex.
Remember to relax and not to worry about anything. Just enjoy the feelings. Men receive so many messages that sex is about “performance” and pleasing a partner, rather than just enjoying the pleasure of it. Everything is goal-oriented—like a football game. High-achieving or very anxious men may have a particularly difficult time of letting go of a goal and just enjoying themselves.
In any new relationship, it takes time to relax with each other and learn about your body and its responses. But anything worthwhile takes a little time and practice, no? If you talk with your wife and tell her you’d like to slow down and learn about each others’ bodies and responses, together, you two can discover just what it is that arouses both of you. You have a chance to take a wonderful journey of discovery with each other which can not only be educational but lots of fun.
Here’s a book with lots of good information about how your body works; it’s widely available online and in bookstores:
“The New Male Sexuality” by Bernie Zilbergeld, Ph.D.
Best of luck to you, and congratulations on your marriage. Dr. J
Let me elaborate on what happened exactly. So, we were done fore playing for about an hour and I thought we were ready to have intercourse. I asked her if she was well lubricated. Her answer was positive. That was the green signal I needed. I moved myself into a missionary position and I asked my wife to place the penis where her vagina is located. The lights were switched off. She placed my penis where her vagina opens and I tried pushing it inside. And I actually managed to insert it somewhere without inflicting any pain. I thought as soon as I insert my penis into the vagina, I would hit and break the hymen. That thought turned out ironic. This is why I asked how deep inside is the vagina located. Any how, while trying to insert I hit a wall. After putting a lot of thought I am now starting to realize that was the vagina. I am supposed to push against that wall, correct? And yes, when I touched that wall she complaint it was hurting.
The fore play we had was amazing but this experience ruined everything for me. After a few attempts, the confusion created an anxiety because of which I lost my erection. I couldnt get one again that night. We are going to try it again tonight so I'd like to educate myself on this.
Here are the questions I have now
1. From where the vagina begins, how deep would I need to go in to break the hymen?
2. Would I need to put a lot of pressure on my penis?
> 1. From where the vagina begins, how deep would I need to go in to break the hymen?
The hymen is a tissue partially covering the vagina opening, behind the labia minora. So it is in the almost outside part of the female genitals.
> 2. Would I need to put a lot of pressure on my penis?
What you need is to stop worrying about such things and let the nature do its work. There is no way to miss it if you are willing to do it. And regarding your size with respect to the vaginal size, again, don't worry, you are fine. Unless your wife is overweight or obese, which is another problem.