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Avatar universal

Firs time sexual experience

Hi both me and my wife are virgins and we are both inexperienced in sex (nope, this is not a joke).

I have a few questions:

1.  During attempts to have sex, my wife will experience pain on her perineum (even touching it or stretching the vagina a bit will cause it to hurt). Is this normal for first-timers? We use KY for lubricants.

2.  What is the best way to determine if your erection is 'solid' enough for penetration? My penis has no problem erecting but after numerous attempts to do penetration, it will slowly lose its 'solidity'.

3. The only time I ejaculate semen in the past is via wet dreams. However, even if I get my wife to stimulate it, it will erect but no seminal discharge comes out. (The sticky clear fluid which comes out before the semen does is always present, though).


Hopefully anyone with experience can educate us on this particular aspect so that we can enjoy the fruits of marriage to the fullest.

Thank you!
5 Responses
523042 tn?1212177895
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Hello.

I have lots of information for you--some general, and some specific.

First, stop thinking that good sex is all about your erection and that it’s all YOUR responsibility. Holding these ideas puts way too much pressure on you. Once you begin to worry, it becomes a vicious circle: you worry, so your erection goes down, and then you notice it, and you worry some more, etc. Pretty soon your penis stops cooperating all together.

Men receive so many messages that sex is about “performance” and pleasing a partner, rather than just enjoying the pleasure of it. Everything is goal-oriented—like a football game. High-achieving or very anxious men may have a particularly difficult time of letting go of a goal and just enjoying themselves. The other message that many men—and women—receive is that sex is somehow dirty and wrong, unless you’re doing it for reproductive purposes. Sometimes this can creep into our unconscious thoughts and sabotage any pleasure. This is more common among people who have been raised in a strict, pleasure-negative religious or philosophical orthodoxy.

Do you have any sense of what is bothering you? What are you thinking about during sex? What are the conditions like when you’re being sexual? Do you have enough privacy? Are you both relaxed and happy? If not, these can contribute to your discomfort.

There are various other possible psychological/emotional factors too numerous to detail here. These include fear of intimacy, fear of women or negative feelings about them, unresolved anger, feeling conflicted about marriage, etc.

You may have negative attitudes about sex in general, you may have performance issues or you may have conflicts about marriage or women in general. Either way, it’s easy to get trapped in a cycle of trying too hard, which, in turn, just leads to more stress and anxiety. And you know what? It’s not that uncommon, and it’s not that hard to change. Take a deep breath, relax and examine these issues and see if any fit for you. Something is getting in the way of your pleasure, and you’ll need to do some serious thinking to figure out what it is.

Here are some specific answers to your two other questions:

1.Regarding your wife's pain: the primary cause of pain during penis-vagina sex is that the woman isn't aroused enough. Please don't attempt any p-v until your wife is so turned on she's begging you! I'm serious. If she's not sufficiently aroused, anything inside her vagina may be experienced as painful.

2. Regarding you lack of orgasm: I think this is related to the same issues discussed above, which have affected erections--that is, anxiety and discomfort. Something is getting in the way of you relaxing with your wife and just enjoying sex. You need to figure out what that is.

In any new relationship, it takes time to relax with each other and learn about your body and its responses. But anything worthwhile takes a little time and practice, no? If you talk with your wife and tell her you’d like to slow down and learn about each others’ bodies and responses, together, you two can discover just what it is that arouses you. You have a chance to take a wonderful journey of discovery with each other which can not only be educational but lots of fun. Best of luck to you. Dr. J
Avatar universal
yes dear....its very painfull experince after that you can enjoy
its quiet natutal
Avatar universal
1. It will hurt the first time. Make sure she's adequately aroused and lubricated before going in next time. Maybe finger her some before going in.

2. Just try to put it in her. Sometimes just trying to put it in will cause pleasure and more of an erection.

3. The discharge is precum. As far as ejaculating during sex, try deep thrusting in the missionary position or doggystyle with deep thrusts over a long period of time.
Avatar universal
O'BOY, are really virgins in sex, you have both never done it before, well trying anyway, OK the clear stuff your on about, in a book we have is called trophy? you work it out, its something a lot of men do not get but shows you are aroused.
An erect penis, this is when as they say rock hard, so if you are dopping off then you not in to it then, try longer foreplay, the longer the foreplay the harded it will get, but try and keep your head on what you are doing or you may premiture, then its curtains.
Look there are some really good books around on sexual plesures and its best if you and your wife sit and read then in bed and naked, get the picture, this way you can work out what is best for you both, and which sexual positions are best for you both, there lots of differant sex oils about, but good old baby oil is worth its weight in gold.
Avatar universal
I must say I am 30 and when I married my husband ten years ago I knew nothing! I think it is great that you are both virgins! You two won't have any problems. Let nature take its course. I agree totally with Janice M Epp, PhD as well
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