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Husband is not attracted to me
I just caught my husband looking at porn, which would not matter if we had sex more often but we do not. I was very upset and confronted him about it and he proceeded to tell me that he did not care because he is not longer attracted to me, he said that he wants to be but that it is too difficult. I dont know what to do, i dont know if i can stay in a relationship knowing this. I just have this feeling that when u are in love you are attracted to a person no matter what... I did have a baby a year and a half ago and have not kept myself in shape. I just recently started going to the gym and am trying to change this. But what I am afraid of is that i cannot stay in a relationship knowing how he feels, i dont feel like i can trust him when he feels that way and even if i was to get in shape again, i would be too afraid to ever change due to him losing his attraction again...
What do you recommend that I do? This is more emotionally damaging than anything.
What do you recommend that I do? This is more emotionally damaging than anything.
I'm sorry but did you pull that advice out of a 1950's home economic textbook? If her husband is not attracted to her anymore, it is not her job to start acting like a 1950's housewife to fix the problem. She needs to be herself and he needs to accept that or not.
If he is cruel enough to tell her "I don't care how it makes you feel because I'm not attracted to you anymore" why should she respond by being submissive to him. YUK!!!! I know this is counter productive but if he doesn't care how she feels, why should she care how he feels.
I think he is obviously very upset about something and very rude to respond in such a matter. They should seek professional help IMMEDIATELY!
If he is cruel enough to tell her "I don't care how it makes you feel because I'm not attracted to you anymore" why should she respond by being submissive to him. YUK!!!! I know this is counter productive but if he doesn't care how she feels, why should she care how he feels.
I think he is obviously very upset about something and very rude to respond in such a matter. They should seek professional help IMMEDIATELY!
You husband is in the wrong here. He is acting very immaturly. I would never tell you to leave him, as that's not my place, but I would like to say that you're worth more than that. I've been in relationships where I did not feel needed and it's very hard. I know you're probably very tired due to your new baby and you rightfully should be. You have bigger things you are dealing with.
I would tell him exactly how you feel and see what he says. If he acts as if it's not hurtful to you, or that it's ok, then I would consider what you really feel you should do.
Go to the gym for YOU, not him. If you try to change yourself for him you're only cheating you. He is with you because he is supposed to love you, no matter what you look like. He may not be the pick of the litter either.
Don't do something just because you think he would like it. If it's not your style, don't. Just talk to him.
If you feel unappreciated and unloved, by all means, do what's best. Look out for you and your baby because in the end that's what matters the most.
I would tell him exactly how you feel and see what he says. If he acts as if it's not hurtful to you, or that it's ok, then I would consider what you really feel you should do.
Go to the gym for YOU, not him. If you try to change yourself for him you're only cheating you. He is with you because he is supposed to love you, no matter what you look like. He may not be the pick of the litter either.
Don't do something just because you think he would like it. If it's not your style, don't. Just talk to him.
If you feel unappreciated and unloved, by all means, do what's best. Look out for you and your baby because in the end that's what matters the most.
hi looking at porn is a natural thing for men and can really imporve your sex life.. have you ever tried it? it makes you more creative and moore confident in yourself and can increase pleasure like they said dont hate it till you try it !
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Hi.
I’m sorry to hear that your marriage isn’t working out. However, even though it's tempting to ask everyone, please realize that no one can tell you what to do. This is a situation for the two of you to talk about and decide together how you want to proceed.
Having a baby means big changes in relationships—and sex is often the first thing to disappear until a couple can make adjustments to this new life. It doesn’t happen by magic; it requires the two of you to sit down and talk about it. You alone aren’t responsible for fixing anything. The two of you are in it together, and it will require the two of you to make it work.
So he’s no longer turned on to you. Unless you’re a mind-reader, how can you possibly know why? You haven’t asked him. Let’s look at some possible contributing factors:
If you think back to when your baby was born, you might recall that you had eyes only for the baby. New mothers are very bonded with their baby; and sometimes partners feel left out, but they feel guilty about expressing it, so they withdraw. Your partner may feel abandoned, but he has no one to talk with about it. If this continues, it can lead to lots of unexpressed anger and resentment.
Once you became pregnant, your partner may have been unable to relate to you sexually, and now that you’re a mom, this may be continuing. Many of us get messages that sex is somehow dirty and wrong, unless you’re doing it for reproductive purposes. Sometimes this can creep into our unconscious thoughts and sabotage any pleasure. Some men are very affected by cultural or family messages that once a woman has a child, she isn’t sexy or desirable, while single women who have sex are somehow “dirty” or evil, but desirable.
Have you looked at your own contributions to the situation? Being a new mother can be exhausting, and your appearance (not to mention your energy level and disposition) is bound to take a back seat occasionally or even most of the time. Your husband may have had the expectation that everything would be the same as it was when you were dating. If so, this is another area that needs to be discussed.
Your next step now is to approach him with the idea of sitting down to talk. It’s important that you don’t adopt an accusatory or angry manner, but instead are loving and accepting. Let him know that whatever he feels, you’ll be supportive—and hope he’ll be the same for you. Point out to him that the two of you need to work this out together. A therapist trained to help couples who have sexual issues can also help the two of you to express your feelings. Good luck to you. Dr. J
I’m sorry to hear that your marriage isn’t working out. However, even though it's tempting to ask everyone, please realize that no one can tell you what to do. This is a situation for the two of you to talk about and decide together how you want to proceed.
Having a baby means big changes in relationships—and sex is often the first thing to disappear until a couple can make adjustments to this new life. It doesn’t happen by magic; it requires the two of you to sit down and talk about it. You alone aren’t responsible for fixing anything. The two of you are in it together, and it will require the two of you to make it work.
So he’s no longer turned on to you. Unless you’re a mind-reader, how can you possibly know why? You haven’t asked him. Let’s look at some possible contributing factors:
If you think back to when your baby was born, you might recall that you had eyes only for the baby. New mothers are very bonded with their baby; and sometimes partners feel left out, but they feel guilty about expressing it, so they withdraw. Your partner may feel abandoned, but he has no one to talk with about it. If this continues, it can lead to lots of unexpressed anger and resentment.
Once you became pregnant, your partner may have been unable to relate to you sexually, and now that you’re a mom, this may be continuing. Many of us get messages that sex is somehow dirty and wrong, unless you’re doing it for reproductive purposes. Sometimes this can creep into our unconscious thoughts and sabotage any pleasure. Some men are very affected by cultural or family messages that once a woman has a child, she isn’t sexy or desirable, while single women who have sex are somehow “dirty” or evil, but desirable.
Have you looked at your own contributions to the situation? Being a new mother can be exhausting, and your appearance (not to mention your energy level and disposition) is bound to take a back seat occasionally or even most of the time. Your husband may have had the expectation that everything would be the same as it was when you were dating. If so, this is another area that needs to be discussed.
Your next step now is to approach him with the idea of sitting down to talk. It’s important that you don’t adopt an accusatory or angry manner, but instead are loving and accepting. Let him know that whatever he feels, you’ll be supportive—and hope he’ll be the same for you. Point out to him that the two of you need to work this out together. A therapist trained to help couples who have sexual issues can also help the two of you to express your feelings. Good luck to you. Dr. J
i agree with some of the things said but do not feel desperate because of your age!!! go to the gym for yourself!!!! be healthy for u and your child/children!!! never do these things for anyone else!! remember that being in an unhealthy relationship will never be beneficial and if thats what it takes to keep that man/child then let him leave if he wants. try to save your marriage if u can but remember it always takes two, so u could become miss perfect but if he wants to cheat or leave that will not stop him. I hope my suggestion helps and u can send me a message if u want to
WELL REMEBER SHE HAS A BABY SO BEFORE ADVISING HER TO LEAVE THINK ABOUT HE BABY,ALSO SHE SHOULD FIND OUT WHATS THE MATTER,BE SUBMISSIVE NOT AGRESSIVE,LEARN TO SURRENDER BEFORE A MAN AND TRY GET HIS SYMPATHY,DRESSUP NICELY AT HOME,WAIT FOR HIM FOR DINNER MAKE HIM FEEL THAT SOMEONE IS WAITING.BE NICE ALL THE TIME,TRY TO SEDUCE HIM,IF NOTHING WORKS THEN THINK ABOUT LEAVING AND ALSO CONSIDER THE AGE PLZ IF YOU ARE REACHING 40 THAN PLZ DONT A RISK OF LEAVING THAT MAN CAUSE AT THIS AGE SHE WILL GET ONLY THOSE MEN WHO WILL BE INTERESTED IN HER WEALTH OR SOME OTHER BENEFIT,REMEBER POPULATION OF WOMEN IS INCREASING DAY BY DAY SO MEN HAS MORE OPTIONS.
I am a man and I look at porn sometimes. BUT my wife knows and even watches it herself sometimes. Your husband is in the wrong and you are worth more than this. You have a young baby, and he is acting like a child. It would be hard for you, but think carefully. Think of your long term self esteem and leave him!
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