I am so horny, I feel very vulnerable, desprite, depressed, and angry that my husband never wants to have sex with me. I catch him maturbating when he thinks Im asleep RIGHT NEXT TO HIM, when I catch him, the next day he says "How can I help it? I was asleep" EVERY TIME, the SAME old excuse. We have kinky sex, infact Im very proud of our once existed sex life. When hes horny, Ill do anything to keep him satisfied, when Im dying of horniness, he basically tells me to deal with it, or Oh well sorry Im not horny... Im starting to wonder if I should tell him to F off and find someone else who will take care of my needs? I dont know what to do, YES Ive talked to him about it, and it results in him yelling screaming and cussing at me and making it out to be MY problem..
I am grateful for any response I get from this.. Please help me, Im right on the edge of having an affair all out of depression and confusion...
I'm trying to understand your issues, but they're confusing.
You say that your husband never wants to have sex with you, but then you also say that when the two of you have sex, it's always when HE wants it, rather than when you want it. So you do, in fact, have sex with each other? If so, then perhaps your issue is really that he doesn't want to have sex with you as often as you want sex with him.
And you're upset that he's self-pleasuring. Is this because you feel it's somehow wrong, or is it because he doesn't want to have sex with you as often as you want sex with him?
These are issues for you to examine. If your husband won't honor your feelings and discuss them, what hope is there for this relationship? Where do you see yourself in 5 years? I wonder what else in happening between the two of you. Generally, when one person pulls away from the other, there's more going on than just a sexual issue.
The two of you need help. Please find a therapist who is trained to help couples with sexual concerns communicate with each other. Best of luck to you. Dr. J
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