I cant get sex from my husband like I want

[Juicy322]

I have been with my husband for 8 years.  The sex was okay at first.  Then the sex became quick and fast.  He didn’t perform oral sex at all.  I talked to him and asked if there as a problem with him being done so quickly.  We watched self help sex shows, I pulled up information to try and help, and even brought toys and things to enhance our sex life.  Then I found out he was ordering porn and going to strip clubs.  He wasn’t having sex with me on a regular basis.  It would be once or twice every 2 to 3 weeks.  Eventually I just dealt with the situation.  There can be times that he wants to have sex more or less.  He hardly ever makes sure that I am satisfied.  I have tried to talk to him the bet way I can without hurting his feeling or pride.  He goes for sometime with out watching porn, and then he starts back.  I have had to get my home computer cleaned so many times from the websites.  I recently found out that he was going on website looking and talking to females with intending of meeting up to have sex.  It seems that he likes pleasuring himself more than having sex with me.  I have talked about this with him so may times.  He ensures me that there is nothing wrong with me.  I have brought so much sex toys and other stuff, to the point that I have a draw full of un-opened unused products.  I don’t know what to do but I am getting frustrated because of the lack of satisfaction on my end.  Which throughout out entire relationship it has always been about making sure he is satisfied.  I don’t limit myself anything he wants I do except for the threesome thing.  Can someone help and give me some advice.  What should I do?  Sometimes he comes to bed and wraps himself up in the blanket like he doesn’t want to be touched or bothered so it makes me hesitate about touching him at all because I never know when is or isn’t a good time to touch him.  He is not the affectioniate type, or the kissy, feel type person.

[fonos]

It sounds as though he may be having some psychological issues or anxiety or something like that. Although not really related, I'll try to give you some perspective with an issue of mine.

Whenever I have sex or masturbate since my ex-girlfriend I deal with an immense pain. There is pleasure, but a lot of pain in the head of my penis. This has led me into a few situations with women where I am very interested (being a 21 year old male who has always had a high libido) but end up giving confusing signals. I can't very well just come out and say that the head of my penis hurts too much for sex right now!

Just trying to put your mind at ease a bit.

[Janice M Epp, PhD]

Hi.

First, I'm so sorry this has happened to you. You are obviously in a very troubled relationship. No one can help you except you, yourself. Since your husband has refused to be honest with you about his feelings, or lack thereof, the only option left to you is counseling. The two of you need to see someone who is trained to help people with sexual and relationship concerns. Until you do, your relationship is going nowhere. There's a reason your husband has withdrawn from you, and it's clear that he's not going to tell you. However, through counseling, he may be able to begin to express himself. If he's unwilling to go to counseling, you'll need to decide whether it's more painful to stay with him or to begin a new life without him. Best of luck to you. Dr. J