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I think my husband may be an addict/sexual addict
Hello! I have come here hoping someone can help me! I am 28 years old and so is my husband. We have been together for 10 years and married for 3 years. About 3 years ago things started to go downhill in our relationship. He had an affair last year. Then I found out at the beginning of this year I discovered he had been meeting women online and/or prostitutes for the past four years. He said that he had only met with the women four times - they gave him a ******** with a condomn. He said he liked the rush of contacting them and having them contact him back. He was deeply ashamed and I am the only pereson (besides his therapist) that knows about this. He begged me not to tell anyone, said he woudl stop and he started seeing a counselor. My husband left me on Saturday - he said he doesn't love me anymore. I am finally seeing the light and I think he is an addict - to basically everything. He craves the thrill and I think he uses it to escape. I think he has blamed our relationship problems on me (not to say I was perfect at all). Anyway, I have discovered that two days after leaving he already has an ad up on craigslists looking for older women for a "friend with benefits" kind of thing.
When we were living together he looked at porn on almost a daily basis. I know that some porn is probably normal but it was daily...not for long periods but at least once at day for 15 minutes or so. Our sex life was horrible - he would not have sex with me. We had sex about 6 times in the last year. He would always make excuses and say he was tired, I needed to lose weight, he wasn't attracted to me, etc.
When we were living together he looked at porn on almost a daily basis. I know that some porn is probably normal but it was daily...not for long periods but at least once at day for 15 minutes or so. Our sex life was horrible - he would not have sex with me. We had sex about 6 times in the last year. He would always make excuses and say he was tired, I needed to lose weight, he wasn't attracted to me, etc.
The one thing people don't get in their head is that porn leads to these things for most people. I am sorry to hear you have to go thru this but there is sunshine on the horizon.
Hi Ann,
Have you ever hear of the organization SLAA?? Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous. There is a text book and they virtually use the same steps of AA. There are men in there that sound just like your husband. Check it out or better ask him to go once.
Have you ever hear of the organization SLAA?? Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous. There is a text book and they virtually use the same steps of AA. There are men in there that sound just like your husband. Check it out or better ask him to go once.
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Hello.
First, I'm sorry you're going through this painful experience. It's important that you realize that your husband has many issues--most of which have nothing to do with you. The best thing you can do for yourself at this point is to get counselor for yourself in order to help you through this transitional time. You need help and support in deciding what you'd like to do with your life. There's no reason for you to go through this alone.
I can't tell you anything about your husband, his motivation, etc., because I only have your perspective. What I CAN tell you, however, is that people often use sex for non-sexual reasons--for instance, the same way many use food for comfort. This does not mean your husband has any "addiction," but that he's using sex to distract himself from whatever pain he feels and to supply whatever he feels is missing from his life.
We all use sex for different things—including as a way to avoid dealing with our very real problems and as a way to feel loved. In fact, because of the way men are socialized, many can only let down their guard and be vulnerable during sex. This means that sex is used to soothe any feelings of loneliness, etc., and that puts a lot of pressure on sex to be the ultimate healer.
As I said, you shouldn't have to go through this alone. Please find a counselor for support. My best wishes to you. Dr. J
First, I'm sorry you're going through this painful experience. It's important that you realize that your husband has many issues--most of which have nothing to do with you. The best thing you can do for yourself at this point is to get counselor for yourself in order to help you through this transitional time. You need help and support in deciding what you'd like to do with your life. There's no reason for you to go through this alone.
I can't tell you anything about your husband, his motivation, etc., because I only have your perspective. What I CAN tell you, however, is that people often use sex for non-sexual reasons--for instance, the same way many use food for comfort. This does not mean your husband has any "addiction," but that he's using sex to distract himself from whatever pain he feels and to supply whatever he feels is missing from his life.
We all use sex for different things—including as a way to avoid dealing with our very real problems and as a way to feel loved. In fact, because of the way men are socialized, many can only let down their guard and be vulnerable during sex. This means that sex is used to soothe any feelings of loneliness, etc., and that puts a lot of pressure on sex to be the ultimate healer.
As I said, you shouldn't have to go through this alone. Please find a counselor for support. My best wishes to you. Dr. J
Divorce his a**...You shouldn't put up with that sh**...You deserve better than that...That's my advice...
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