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Low Sex Drive vs. High Sex Drive/One Partner Doesn't Enjoy Orgasms: What could be the problem? {{LONG}}

My fiance' & I have been together for nearly 3 years, will be married in 7 months, & have remained virgins for religious reasons. It hasn't been the least bit easy on either of us, but during the course of our relationship it has become painfully obvious that my sex drive is rather high, and his is rather low. I want him all the time, he can go forever without doing anything. He says that's from the time he took a long hiatus from dating, but he never moved beyond kissing his exes.

Every time we've taken a step further in our relationship from kissing, first making out, first serious make out session, first time articles of clothing were removed (only to the waist usually), & then me in my undies and him naked/first handjob. However, he rarely takes initiative in making out, etc. He acts like everything about me turns him on, and I know it does. At the same time, I know he doesn't get as much out of our encounters as I do, because I am an extreme beginner, and he shows no interest in teaching me because "my pleasure is his pleasure," and while he enjoys the things I do very little of the usual things turn him on. He gets as much into it as I do and there have been a couple times that I have had to put the brakes on because I knew he would most definitely continue when in the past he had no problem putting the brakes on or holding back. It hurt when he told me that he thinks I get more out of it then he does, after an incredible time together, but instead of wallowing I asked him to teach me. He refused. Told me it was unimportant. Cont.
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523042 tn?1212177895
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Hi.

He’s clearly conflicted and repressed about sex, probably due to messages he got growing up. He may have been taught that sex is dirty, disgusting, etc., and now, all of a sudden, when he’s about to be married, he’s supposed to just turn on a switch, and all those messages will go away. Unfortunately for many, it doesn’t work that way.

He probably has some major conflicts about being sexual with someone he loves, and it’s clear that you’re lonely and feeling unattractive and unappreciated, These issues should be explored with a professional who is trained to help people with sexual concerns—NOT an ideologue or a person with a religious agenda. It’s time to get to the bottom of this before things spin out of control. You must resolve this issue before you marry, or you’re facing sadness, regret and ultimately, anger and resentment. Best of luck to you. Dr. J
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Avatar universal
Cont.

Then I watched him reach completion after the first time I tried a hand job, he finished himself as I didn’t feel quite ready, and got absolutely nothing out of it. No enjoyment, no heavy breathing, no parted lips, no sound. Nothing. The only way I knew besides the rapid muscle contraction was because I saw him ejaculate.

He told me, when I questioned him about his seeming disinterest, he told me that it was more of a bother, something he had to get through when the desire over came him, but he got no real enjoyment out of it. In fact, he was startled at how long I could go, and how many times I could orgasm and now worries that he won’t be able to satisfy me in the “way I deserve.” I think there is some repression involved, as he is a very contained person usually, but I feel there is something else to it. I also wish that he would work on this with me, but he’s gone so long without intimacy and doesn’t see it as the big deal I’m making it out to be. I also wish he could understand that feeling desired is far more important than knowing you’re desired. The fact he doesn’t seem to struggle with this as much as I do, doesn’t enjoy orgasms, or seem to be overly concerned with it does make me feel undesirable even though he says there isn’t a moment that goes by that he doesn’t want me.
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