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My marriage is crumbling, and my wife blames me!

I would like to ask a question concerning the aftermath of rape. When I first met my wife, she was 4 months preganant with someone elses child. The father of the child abandoned her when he joined the military, and he married another woman. So, she wasn't in the best of spirits when I met her. However, I was willing to love her and the baby. I had my reservations about the situation but I took the risk and we became a couple. Years later, she revealed that she was raped prior to meeting the father of our oldest child. It was someone that she knew but she never told anyone nor has she ever been to counseling for rape. There was one instances when I was trying to seduce her but she told me." you sound like the guy who raped me!" Her statement took me by surprised, and it bothered me because I knew from that time forward, we will have issues surrounding sex. And, BOY did we. She has a negative self image about herself and she has a very bad temper at times. She can be so passively cruel. We argue around the children and sleep in seperated rooms.

I need help. My family is falling apart. I feel that my marriage is crumbling due to issues that were outstanding before me. I'm I crazy.

Please help
2 Responses
523042 tn?1212181495
Yes, you certainly do need help. You’re in a sexless, loveless relationship. It sounds like you are asking me to tell you the reasons why your wife is acting the way she does. However, the fact is no one can tell you that except her. I can’t guess why she’s withdrawn from you. She obviously has many unresolved issues. You can ask her to talk with you about it; however, if she’s unwilling, then your last resort is counseling. Find a counselor trained to help people talk about sexual concerns. If you are unable or unwilling to see a counselor, you’re condemning yourself to living in this lonely state. Dr. J
1003993 tn?1250732979
i think rape is a terrible thing to happen to any woman , and it can carry alot of hurt in her that not even you can possibly understand, but i also believe she needs to get help , and that she has no right to treat you this way , if i were you , i would really try to get her help , and then you and the family help ,, i wish you lots of luck ,, and i hope your wife can heal from all of this ,
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