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No sex drive

Hello. I am 21 years old. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years. But for almost 2 years now it seems I am never in the mood. I am in school, and I am easily stressed. So I wondered if that was a reason, but I haven't been in the mood for so long. Plus I don't think I have had an orgasm before. I have never really masturbated. Sex feels good with my boyfriend, I just haven't reached an orgasm. But I feel bad that I am never in the mood. I have noticed the only time I am aroused is in my sleep. In my dreams, I am not dreaming about anyone else, it is always about my boyfriend. In my sleep, I will be very aroused and wanting to have sex; but after I wake up that feeling is completely gone. Once I wake up I no longer have the desire. Is it weird that I am only getting aroused in my sleep? Is there something I can do to get my sex drive back? I am so young I feel I shouldn't have this problem. Is there any natural medicine I can take to get my sexual desire back?
2 Responses
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523042 tn?1212177895
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Hi Barbie.

You're asking the question for the ages. Almost everyone thinks there's something called a "sex drive" which can be turned on at will--or by some drug or pill. In fact, there's no such thing.

Instead, let's' look at the components that make up our sexual behavior, including these three basic factors:

1. Sexual interest or motivation (what you want to do): Your desire to engage in sex may be influenced by the level of certain hormones in your body, but it’s mostly dependent on psychological and/or emotional factors as well as social conditioning and the special circumstances inherent in any particular situation. Therefore, we all vary greatly in terms of our individual levels of interest or desire.

2. Sexual capacity (what you are actually capable of doing): This varies depending on physical conditions such as age, health, appetite, stamina, etc.

3. Sexual performance (what you actually do): We use the term “performance” to mean what you actually do, but not in the negative sense of, “have-to-get-it-up.” What you do depends not only on physiological and psychological factors, but also on opportunity. And as we all know, in its extreme, performance is limited by capacity.

Once we dip our toes into the complexity of human sexual behavior, we truly see that when it comes to sex, there are no “one-size-fits-all” concepts – or answers.

So now it's up to you to examine just what's going on in your life that may affect your sexual interest. Realize that sexual desire ebbs and flows, depending on many factors, including those I've listed above. Add to that, any relationship complexities, and there's a rich vein for you to mine. Ask yourself what's changed for you. Perhaps it is merely the stress of being in school. Or perhaps something has changed in your relationship. Do you trust your boyfriend, or has he done something lately to affect your trust or your feelings or desire for him?

Listen to you body. The reason you're having intensely sexy dreams is because you're sublimating your conscious sexual desire. It's coming out in your dreams.

Examine the issues I've raised above, and it's my guess you'll have some valuable insights. Don't put pressure on yourself to feel desire if, indeed, your desires are taking a break. Realize that sexual desire fluctuates during various times in our lives. Best of luck to you. Dr. J
Helpful - 1
969634 tn?1330840594
try.oral sex with ur bf
Helpful - 0

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