Oral Sex- I don't like it!

[shagwell]

IS there something wrong with me? I don't really like oral sex. Infact, I would choose just about anything over oral sex! My husband on the other hand, loves getting oral sex, and loves giving it too!

It is a constant battle in our relationship because I never initate oral sex...(coz I don't like it). Does anyone else have this problem?

I don't mind giving my husband oral sex, but because I don't like getting it, I feel cheated! I want my jollies too!!! After giving him oral sex, he is too tierd and it is too awkward to pull out my "mr pink" vibrator.

Any suggestions? Anything that might make oral sex better for me?

[her_purple_pixieness]

I'm not sure what to say to the most recent post, but I'm with the original poster here: I HATE receiving oral sex. It just doesn't do anything for me! I would definitely try to turn playing with the vibrator into a fun thing, though. Just be honest: you don't like oral, let's try something a bit naughty. All men like playing with toys. :-) I must say though - for me, intercourse is definitely the main event. Anything else is just leading up to it!

Your feller not liking oral sex at all? Well fair enough. If you've tried it with him and he still doesn't like it, I don't think you can take it personally - it's just one of those things, isn't it? I mean, not everyone likes mushrooms or whatever, sex is the same, it's personal taste. It's not the be-all-and-end-all, there are plenty of other things to turn him on: scratching, toys, sucking his nipples, sensual massage... sex shops are full of them! Is it becoming a problem, in that oral sex for you is the only way you can come? In that case I think you need to have a talk about making sacrifices for the other person's sexual pleasure!

[jessicas]

can anyone give me an advise. my husband doesnt like giving or receiving oral sex. explain how a man can b that way.

[Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D.]

  Well, it sounds like there are some imbalances in your relationship that are hurting your sex life and I would get those fixed first. If your husband is too tired to pleasure you after you have pleasured him, I think you need to have him go first sometimes and make love to you before he is post orgasm or just feeling like he needs to sleep. I think you might be more in the mood to make him feel good if he has already made you feel good first--

  As for making oral sex more fun- I think being squeaky clean always helps- so perhaps the two of you could have a bath or shower together first. Then you might use a combination of your mouth and your hand so your mouth and neck don't get too tired. If it takes a long time for him to have an orgasm, pleasure him with your hand and only use your mouth from time to time so it doesnt feel like "work". you can also use flavored lubes or chocolate or something like that to enjoy the taste- In other words, experiment on making it fun, don't do the parts that really upset or tire you out- and make sure that you feel you are not always second in your love making!

[monkeyflower]

Sure there's room for everyone's likes and dislikes around sex. One person likes oral best, another likes intercourse, another likes both, and someone else likes plastic raincoats. Whatever.

But she's clearly very sensitive about not coming during intercourse, which is why she responded the way she did. We all have stuff that pushes our buttons. The tone of her response, a post about abortion, whatever really freaks you out--it all clearly triggers your own intense responses. It's okay. There's room for us all :-)

[PyroG]

okay, in retrospect it was probably a bad choice to direct my comment specifically to sparkeler.  i didn't mean for it to be personal, and she certainly has every right to express her preferences in this forum.  
what i was trying to do was point out is a general bias of our society, which is that when people say "sex" they mean intercourse.  the effect can be very painful and depressing for those who don't get the same level of gratification from this activity, because what gets us off doesn't even seem to be considered sex at all.  have you ever heard people say that they've had oral sex but are still virgins?  it's as if nothing else counts.  it's been a particularly painful and prominent issue for me.  the conventional definition of sex doesn't have the same meaning to me, because as far as the role it's played in my life, it's been most useful for getting pregnant and making men come.  so it's hard for me to have a sunny attitude about it, in fact it's interfered with my ability to enjoy intercourse for what sensual pleasure it can give me.  i don't think i'm alone in this -- i've met other women whose attitudes range from disappointment to extreme bitterness.  but i didn't mean to try to silence people who don't especially like oral sex, and i'm sorry if my comment was inappropriately hostile.

[Liza55]

huh...I don't like either!! I hate giving and I'd rather sex, his fingers,vibrator. I think like everything, some people just don't prefer it. Usually a happy medium can be found!

[pricej]

You said he doesn't mind using the vibrator right? So what about 69? He could pleasure you with the vibrator and you could do oral for him? There are a lot of possibilities here. I too do not like oral only once in a blue moon. But since my husband does what I like I also give in every once in a while.

[shagwell]

Thanks MonkeyFlower. I am gonna go check out the websites you suggested. I really am open to suggestions so hopefully they can help me. Thanks for the advice!

[PyroG]

i hope you realize that to a lot of women, oral sex IS "the main course" and intercourse is a side dish.  considering that most women don't come during intercourse, i find it insensitive of people to continuously refer to intercourse as the most important kind of sex.  i wish that women who do happen to orgasm from being penetrated would be considerate enough not to reinforce that message to those of us who can't.

[sparkeler]

I'd rather skip the appetizer and have the main course too if you know what I mean.  I don't really like recieving oral. Giving it can suck to.  I always gag.

[leif ericson]

heres one for you, make it a rule that YOU COME FIRST !!!  DA !
don't let him be selfish, take some control (you have the best hand in the game, use it) let him know your "happy ending" is by
far not as certain as his, so you should be the priority.  l.e.

[monkeyflower]

You say that you hate oral because you think you deserve to come too, but everything you write suggests you really feel otherwise. Worrying about taking too long, claiming not to like receiving oral (even though you do orgasm from it), feeling awkward about using your vibe and claiming it's easier to just not come instead--despite the fact that your partner is apparently more than willing to do all of these things with you--makes me think that the real issue may be your own discomfort with your own sexuality. You're putting the restrictions on YOURSELF. I think you'd probably really benefit from reading some sex-positive material, from some open discussion with sex-positive folks, and from a few sessions with a sex therapist.

In the meantime, I would suggest checking out www.bettydodson.com and www.anniesprinkle.org--two healthy, open, sex-positive, really fun women and great role models. Check out www.sexuality.org for excellent sex-positive advice and info. Go to www.blowfish.com, www.babeland.com, and www.goodvibes.com for some honest, sex-positive information,  fun, and great toys :-)

[shagwell]

I don't mean to make him look bad. He will use the vibrator. What I am saying is that it is awkward (for me) after pleasing him. I feel rushed in both situations before, or after giving it to him. He is more than willing to do things to me before or after, but I won't get off because I am too pre occupied with thinking I am taking too long etc. I wish I could just like oral sex!

[leif ericson]

well, you said he won't use the vibrator at all, so i don't know what to tell you.  he sounds very selfish, he should be working overtime to figure out how to please you (in any way).
vibrators can be alot of fun, he's missing out for sure.   l.e.

[shagwell]

I have tried the "I get mine first" route. It just doesnt work. I am so focused on comming that I can't come! It doesnt work. Honestly, the easiest is just to give him the oral and go to bed wet! Is there any advice on how to make it better for me? He thinks I am weird by not liking it, but I honestly don't. It isn't his technique either. He does things that are awesome, and I even come from it. But I just honestly don't like it. I would rather be doing something else that we both like. But it is very important to him to receive oral sex.... and give it too! He loves to give it! I just want to help our relationship by maybe finding out if this is normal (to not like oral) or if there is something I should try to maybe make myself like it?

[monkeyflower]

If the issue is that he's too tired to pleasure you after he comes, why not use your vibe together first and then give him oral? Or alternate the two?

[nanis]

Wow,you really know your stuff!Congrats,now I know who to ask when I have a ?!?! I love oral(to get it not to give)First me then him...lol..That way he'll be x-tra ready for intrcourse!!! Dont get me wrong I do vacum(oral sex)but only when vagina is out of order-or- when I'm x-tra frisky...nanis