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Parents and In-laws
My spouse (Jane) has a rocky relationship with her mother and father. I have never met Jane's father (he is living somewhere in S. America, we don't know where), and Jane’s mother sees everything as an attack on her. I once congratulated her on how she raised her daughters, only to be accused of criticizing her life as a single mother. Jane's mother's difficult ways got progressively worse, until about 5 years ago Jane stopped taking her accusations. Jane and her mother are now mostly estranged. I have always gotten along with my parents.
My parents met Jane's mother about 8 years ago on a vacation. They have had little to no contact since then. About 3 months ago, Jane and I found out that Jane's mother was coming to town, and that my parents invited Jane's mother over to dinner several times when she was here.
Jane & I have talked to my parents about this, saying we were trying to draw some boundaries around Jane's parents and our lives, and that my parents mean something to us it would be great if they would not get involved in Jane's family issues, but my parents' only response was 'you can't control us'.
I don't understand why my parents want to stick themselves squarely in-between Jane and her mother's family drama. Now my relationship with my parents is strained, and where I used to talk and turn to them for advice, I don't feel like I can anymore. I feel hurt, angry and betrayed, and so does Jane. I don't want them to hang up the phone every time Jane's mother calls, but I also resent that they seem to be hellbent on getting closer to Jane's mother. I feel like sooner or later, there are going to be situations where my parents are going to have to make a choice between Jane and me or Jane's mother. It feels like my parents are drawing a line in the sand to make a point (the 'you don't control us' point), and I don't know why they are being so stubborn.
My parents met Jane's mother about 8 years ago on a vacation. They have had little to no contact since then. About 3 months ago, Jane and I found out that Jane's mother was coming to town, and that my parents invited Jane's mother over to dinner several times when she was here.
Jane & I have talked to my parents about this, saying we were trying to draw some boundaries around Jane's parents and our lives, and that my parents mean something to us it would be great if they would not get involved in Jane's family issues, but my parents' only response was 'you can't control us'.
I don't understand why my parents want to stick themselves squarely in-between Jane and her mother's family drama. Now my relationship with my parents is strained, and where I used to talk and turn to them for advice, I don't feel like I can anymore. I feel hurt, angry and betrayed, and so does Jane. I don't want them to hang up the phone every time Jane's mother calls, but I also resent that they seem to be hellbent on getting closer to Jane's mother. I feel like sooner or later, there are going to be situations where my parents are going to have to make a choice between Jane and me or Jane's mother. It feels like my parents are drawing a line in the sand to make a point (the 'you don't control us' point), and I don't know why they are being so stubborn.
Although I don't have exact same situations, there is a line to draw when it comes to families and relationships. I personally find families interfering with relationships is disastrous for not only the family but for the relationship. I'd just suggest giving it time between your parents and let them figure it out for themselves, as for you, you've got a lovely wife to look after, don't stress yourself.
Best of luck!
Best of luck!
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Hello.
I don't know why your parents are doing this either. In fact, I'm surprised it hasn't occurred to you that the only way to figure this all out is to have a conversation with them. You'll need to be non-confrontational and don't attack them. State your feelings clearly and ask them for some perspective. In relationships, everyone has a right to their feelings, and no ones' feelings are superior to others. I'm sure your parents have reasons for wanting to reach out to Jane's mother, and it would behoove you to find out what they are so the four of you can come to some agreement to diffuse this volatile situation. Dr. J
I don't know why your parents are doing this either. In fact, I'm surprised it hasn't occurred to you that the only way to figure this all out is to have a conversation with them. You'll need to be non-confrontational and don't attack them. State your feelings clearly and ask them for some perspective. In relationships, everyone has a right to their feelings, and no ones' feelings are superior to others. I'm sure your parents have reasons for wanting to reach out to Jane's mother, and it would behoove you to find out what they are so the four of you can come to some agreement to diffuse this volatile situation. Dr. J
You are reading content posted in the Sexuality & Relationships Forum
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