Aa
Questioning my sexuality
I have always been heterosexual and never imagined or pictured myself being anything else. A couple of months ago I was hanging out with a good friend of mine who is female and Bi, and I started having feelings for her. I just started college and another really good friend of mine that I confided in said that it's really common for people to go through this phase when they start college, especially women. He had a bunch of female friends go through the same thing and most of them realized it was only a phase, although two realized they WERE homosexual. I've hung out with her since and things were back to normal, but there's still something different about her and it's just still really confusing. No matter what I still want to marry a guy, but I just want to know what's really going on...whether I AM bisexual or whether it's just a phase. I don't want to go and do something I'm going to regret either so I'm nervous about that whole "go out and experiment" thing. I'm just really confused right now and could really use some help.
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Thanks for your letter. I'm happy to discuss this.
I think many women find each other attractive, even sexually compelling. It's not rare. Sometimes its just towards one person- there is a special feeling; other times it becomes more general. Women associate love and sexuality- when women admire each other it can bring up those feelings.
It is truly hard to know what one attraction means. It can be a phase as you put it- or even a unique reaction to one specific person. Or it can say something about a budding preference. Only time will tell which is which. The truth is some women are bisexual - and have long periods of either alternating attractions to men and women- or desire both during the same period of time, and could fall in love with either. Other women have a period of attraction and the attraction subsides and isn't very important in later life. Still others are firmly heterosexual for a while, and then find attractions to women later. Hard to predict!
I would just monitor your feelings and not act on them unless you found them very compelling. If you feel that they are growing and becoming more important , you might want to find a safe and solid friend to talk about it with-- or a counsellor who could help you sort out your feelings.. Don't rush things- and don't over worry them. Things do reveal themselves over time- the important thing to realize is that whatever your sexual attraction is , it's healthy. Fortunately we are now in a period of time where sexual interest among women is not seen as an illness -even if it is still slightly to greatly taboo ( depending on how liberal your specific community is). Give yourself some breathing room before you define yourself and don't label yourself one way or the other. You will find that it really will become clearer over time.
I think it is absolutley normal to be physically attracted to another female...like someone lese pointed out, women are beautiful. I am a heterosexual female and often have saw women who I have commented to my husband of 15 years how good they look....doesn't mean I am a homosexual. I do however have a close friend who is a lesbian and has a daughter from a marriage obviously with a man. She told me she never sets out looking for a relationship with a particular sex...it just is who she is feeling that special connection to she opens herself up to...the gender isn't first and foremost with her.
Hey Lnt, I would like to give you some additional perspective on the previous people's posts. Ultimately, it will be up to you to decide what you want to do about this. If you "experiment" and start to feel remorse, do not beat yourself up too bad over it. Just live and learn. You very well may find out that you like it, and it may lead to a new lifestyle for you. You probably won't become a 100% lesbian or anything, but your actions very well could snowball. It all depends on if this possibility is ok with you. If you have been attracted to guys your entire life, it isn't like that is going to stop.
I do want to respond to some other peoples comments in this post in regards to comments I don't fully agree with. Ryn21 says bi-sexual experimentation is very common and most girls try it some point. That is a very broad statement. Certainly many if not more that half of girls have kissed or "made-out" with another girl. If that's what Ryn is saying, I could go for that. If she is talking about much more than that, I believe she may be inaccurate.
I think RockRose made a good point that many men would prefer not to marry a woman with a history of bi-sexuality. I believe Rock does not mean that on an occasion or two a girl made out with one of her friends, but rather a woman who has major attractions to woman and it has been a large part of their life and relationships. This is simply because a guy doesn't want to find out down the road that his significant other just wants to be friends because she is predominantly attracted to females. Additionally, there may be some males who value their idea of "sexual purity" in finding a mate. If they themselves have lived by their own sexual values, then they are perfectly justified to choose their mate based on what they value. I don't believe they need to "grow up." Saying that would be judgemental.
"Following your true feelings" is not necessarily what someone should do in every situation. I believe we all know people who have been in miserable relationships or other bad situations (std's, abusive relationships, broke because they FELT like dropping out of school, etc.)because they "followed their feelings." Perhaps sexuality is a different matter though.
Chellybeans is correct and knows first hand that most men would be aroused by the situation. But being aroused and accepting it in a future wife is two different things. Trust me, there is absolutely no way to tell what a man really thinks about this, even if he says he's cool with it.
Well, I have blathered on. I am a sucker for debate, and this was an interesting topic.
I do want to respond to some other peoples comments in this post in regards to comments I don't fully agree with. Ryn21 says bi-sexual experimentation is very common and most girls try it some point. That is a very broad statement. Certainly many if not more that half of girls have kissed or "made-out" with another girl. If that's what Ryn is saying, I could go for that. If she is talking about much more than that, I believe she may be inaccurate.
I think RockRose made a good point that many men would prefer not to marry a woman with a history of bi-sexuality. I believe Rock does not mean that on an occasion or two a girl made out with one of her friends, but rather a woman who has major attractions to woman and it has been a large part of their life and relationships. This is simply because a guy doesn't want to find out down the road that his significant other just wants to be friends because she is predominantly attracted to females. Additionally, there may be some males who value their idea of "sexual purity" in finding a mate. If they themselves have lived by their own sexual values, then they are perfectly justified to choose their mate based on what they value. I don't believe they need to "grow up." Saying that would be judgemental.
"Following your true feelings" is not necessarily what someone should do in every situation. I believe we all know people who have been in miserable relationships or other bad situations (std's, abusive relationships, broke because they FELT like dropping out of school, etc.)because they "followed their feelings." Perhaps sexuality is a different matter though.
Chellybeans is correct and knows first hand that most men would be aroused by the situation. But being aroused and accepting it in a future wife is two different things. Trust me, there is absolutely no way to tell what a man really thinks about this, even if he says he's cool with it.
Well, I have blathered on. I am a sucker for debate, and this was an interesting topic.
Rockrose is somewhat correct about the fact that some "conservative" men would not be happy about a woman with a bisexual past (probably 30%). However, the majority of men would not be turned off by this. (If they are, they need to grow up). Im sure that if a study was done on this, these facts would be revealed.
i too have had this same curiosity myself, and my experience, as i am very open about my sexual self, has been that no man yet has had issue. lol. in fact most men are aroused at the idea. the thing is making sure you truly won't regret experimenting. which in my opinion you should not, but that's just me. and be honest with yourself and anyone you are with. college is a time for finding yourself no matter who you are. good luck and i hope you do decide to do what makes you happy and not what you think will be most socially acceptable. :)
Well, to each his/her own. If this is something you want to experiment with, then do it. No ones judgement of you will matter but your own. Bi-sexual experimentation is VERY common amongst younger women, as most women try it at least once. Women are very beautiful. I dont blame you or any women for having these type of feelings. I hope others can better clarify these feelings for you. But do what you want to do. This is an experimental age for you (not just sexually).
Lnt, move very slowly on this, really.
If you feel strong sexual feelings for women in the future, and you feel like that's your true preference, pursue it. Follow your true feelings. That's what a happy life is about.
But if, in your heart, you know you want to marry a man, be careful with this. There are a lot of men who would not entertain the thought of marrying a woman who has a history of bisexuality.
Take this slowly.
Best wishes.
If you feel strong sexual feelings for women in the future, and you feel like that's your true preference, pursue it. Follow your true feelings. That's what a happy life is about.
But if, in your heart, you know you want to marry a man, be careful with this. There are a lot of men who would not entertain the thought of marrying a woman who has a history of bisexuality.
Take this slowly.
Best wishes.
You are reading content posted in the Sexuality & Relationships Forum
Millions of people are diagnosed with STDs in the U.S. each year.
STDs can't be transmitted by casual contact, like hugging or touching.
Syphilis is an STD that is transmitted by oral, genital and anal sex.
Discharge often isn't normal, and could mean an infection or an STD.
STDs aren't transmitted through clothing. Fabric is a germ barrier.
Normal vaginal discharge varies in color, smell, texture and amount.
