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Avatar universal

Sex Drive

Hello I am new to this forum and kind of have a little issue I need a suggestion on. My girlfriend and I have been together for over a year now and are doing great. Never fight and always click. My only problem is the past few months the sex has been to a minimal. When we first started dating we were having intercourse every other night but now as I said these past three months I am lucky to even get it once a month. I ask in several different ways and every time I ask all she says is "that's all that's on you mind all the time." then she gets upset with me for asking. Several times she uses the excuse that she is tired and wants to go to bed. I can understand that with the long hours she puts in at her job, but i am more than willing to do something when I get out of work. It just seems like I cant win and really don't know where to go. I dont want to leave her because I love her greatly but I am so frustrated that I have a short fuse with her about it. Please help I am only 21 and she is 23 so I know that I have not lost my sex drive and I hope she did not either.  
4 Responses
523042 tn?1212177895
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Hi Tom.

I’m so sorry you’re in this situation. It sounds like you’re not only in a sexless relationship, but perhaps a loveless one as well. It also sounds like you are asking me to tell you the reasons why your girlfriend is acting the way she does. However, the fact is no one can tell you that except her. I can’t guess why she’s withdrawn from you. She obviously has many unresolved issues. Reading between the lines, the fact that she’s attacking you for wanting sex tells me that she has some very negative attitudes about sex. These may be the result of childhood experience, parental messages, etc. Or she may be feeling stressed about something going on in her life. Or maybe the relationship has run its course, and she’s no longer turned on to you. Or one of hundreds of other possibilities.

And, no, people don't "lose" their ability to be sexual. However, sexual desire is a very ephemeral/delicate thing, and there are so many situations that can diminish desire. However, let’s not try to guess. You can ask her to talk with you about it. Be gentle and understanding, and don’t accuse her of anything. If she’s unwilling, then your last resort is counseling. Find a counselor trained to help people talk about sexual concerns. If you are unable or unwilling to see a counselor, you’re condemning yourself to living in this lonely state, and I, for one, would not wish that on you. Please don’t feel you are alone in this. See a counselor and let us know how you’re doing. My best wishes. Dr. J
Avatar universal
talk to her when she gets in from work and has a chance to settle in but not too long, tell her how you want her and what you want to do to her- "something that she will like"-  like going down on her, and let her see you aroused, either your bulging pants or underwear or totally nude showing her how horny you are for her- sex - kiss, hug and start to undress her, hopefully she will turn and touch you back
Avatar universal
I would recomend get back for little and dont show any intress in sex on her. Talk with her, cudle but dont try to make her haveing sex with you. Sometimes its way more intresting for her to start by her self or at least she will be in better mood and then is bigger change to get her goin...
1769594 tn?1314552990
Hey I am 24 I have been in that kind of relationship before and it was that he did not feel the same way I felt about the relationship. The relationship did not work and now we are not together and I found somebody who love me and we have a great sex life. You well see in time and i am not trying to upset you but she might have sexual needs for another person.. Talk to her or you can also ask her to go to a counsler and if she refuses there is your answer..
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