Aa
Young ED
Hey, i am 18 years old and i have been in a relationship for a pretty long while now. Its getting pretty serious (for a highschool relation ship) and me and my girlfriend decided to have sex. By the way i'm still a virgin. Yesterday we were messing around and she said she was ready. By the time i had gotten up to get the condom and gotten back into bed, i had lost my erection. We tried for longer than 20 minutes to get it back, but i just couldn't. I have no idea why it happened. it's never happened before. i thought that this was only supposed to happen to older people. i guess i was pretty nervous, but it shouldn't affect me that much. i've never fealt this discouraged in my life. I'm ready for this step in our relationship and i want to show her that.
Hi there,
Trust me, you're not alone. I'm 19 and have similar troubles. For what it's worth I think you think too much :) I know it's not the easiest thing to 'forget' (as Dr. J says, we're given all the wrong messages... like we can get hard instantly, like flicking a light switch).
You probably wont get hard by concentrating on getting an erection, you're not Uri Geller and your penis isn't a spoon! Just relax and give yourself some time to let your nerves cool down after the first attempt (I was stunned so much when I couldn't keep an erection the first time that I ended up mentally blocking myself for a good two weeks!)
I found that I get erections all the time around my girlfriend when we were just talking or walking around holding hand... nothing that you could really class as 'sexual' *But* these are the moments when I'm not thinking about getting an erection, yet in the bedroom when i start thinking "i hope it stays up this time" you can bet that it won't...
Annoying I know, but thats the human body for you!
Have you tried pleasuring each other in other ways? Familiarity with your girlfriends body and talking to her about feeling under even the smallest pressure might help out. If both you and your girlfriend understand that you're not a machine who can perform under all conditions you'll probably end up happier!
Relax with your partner, relax in your mind and all should go well :)
Trust me, you're not alone. I'm 19 and have similar troubles. For what it's worth I think you think too much :) I know it's not the easiest thing to 'forget' (as Dr. J says, we're given all the wrong messages... like we can get hard instantly, like flicking a light switch).
You probably wont get hard by concentrating on getting an erection, you're not Uri Geller and your penis isn't a spoon! Just relax and give yourself some time to let your nerves cool down after the first attempt (I was stunned so much when I couldn't keep an erection the first time that I ended up mentally blocking myself for a good two weeks!)
I found that I get erections all the time around my girlfriend when we were just talking or walking around holding hand... nothing that you could really class as 'sexual' *But* these are the moments when I'm not thinking about getting an erection, yet in the bedroom when i start thinking "i hope it stays up this time" you can bet that it won't...
Annoying I know, but thats the human body for you!
Have you tried pleasuring each other in other ways? Familiarity with your girlfriends body and talking to her about feeling under even the smallest pressure might help out. If both you and your girlfriend understand that you're not a machine who can perform under all conditions you'll probably end up happier!
Relax with your partner, relax in your mind and all should go well :)
i'm not really that concerned about even having the sex though. i guess at first i was, but now i guess i'm more concerned about just putting it in.
we hung out again today. we didn't do anything sexual and i got an erection a few times. but if i would ever think about getting one, i never could. basically i have trouble getting one, but no trouble maintaining an erection.
it is really messing with my self esteem and i am having a lot of trouble just not thinking about it. this is strange for me because i'm usually pretty laid back about things and i don't let things bother me. i guess i just feel like i let her down
we hung out again today. we didn't do anything sexual and i got an erection a few times. but if i would ever think about getting one, i never could. basically i have trouble getting one, but no trouble maintaining an erection.
it is really messing with my self esteem and i am having a lot of trouble just not thinking about it. this is strange for me because i'm usually pretty laid back about things and i don't let things bother me. i guess i just feel like i let her down
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
There’s nothing wrong with you. And, no, it's not just older men who experience this. In fact, erections come and go and have a mind of their own! You’ve just convinced yourself there’s something amiss, and now you’ve created a viscous circle. As soon as your penis didn’t do exactly what you wanted, you started to worry. Sex is all about what’s going on in your head. The more you worry, the more your penis isn’t going to cooperate. In fact, it can be downright rebellious! You need to relax. If someone tells you NOT to think of elephants, what’s the first thing you think about? That’s right. Elephants. And if you worry about getting erection, same thing: self-fulfilling prophesy. And since this was your first time, you were probably nervous, which can also inhibit erections.
Erections go up and down. You’ll find this happening all your life. It doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy sex, but you have to adjust your attitude and relax. If you buy into some idealistic vision of what sex should be, you'll always find yourself worried and disappointed. Many men feel that if their erection goes down even a tiny bit, there’s something wrong with them. Where does this come from?
Men receive so many messages that sex is about “performance” and pleasing a partner, rather than just enjoying the pleasure of it. Everything is goal-oriented—like a football game. The other message that many men receive is that sex is somehow dirty and wrong, unless you’re doing it for reproductive purposes. Sometimes this can creep into our unconscious thoughts and sabotage any pleasure. Ask yourself whether you have any conflicts about being sexual—any old messages that might be lurking in your subconscious.
For more information about erection issues, attitude, etc., I highly recommend the book “The New Male Sexuality” by Bernie Zilbergeld, Ph.D. It’s widely available in paperback and is an invaluable resource.
Relax, stop putting pressure on yourself and enjoy sex for what it is: pleasure. Give yourself permission to enjoy whatever happens—and find partners who aren’t hung up on performances issues either. In the future, when your erection goes down (and it WILL, trust me), just relax, make a joke, do something else that's not erection-dependent, and get over your performance issues. Best of luck to you. Dr. J
Erections go up and down. You’ll find this happening all your life. It doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy sex, but you have to adjust your attitude and relax. If you buy into some idealistic vision of what sex should be, you'll always find yourself worried and disappointed. Many men feel that if their erection goes down even a tiny bit, there’s something wrong with them. Where does this come from?
Men receive so many messages that sex is about “performance” and pleasing a partner, rather than just enjoying the pleasure of it. Everything is goal-oriented—like a football game. The other message that many men receive is that sex is somehow dirty and wrong, unless you’re doing it for reproductive purposes. Sometimes this can creep into our unconscious thoughts and sabotage any pleasure. Ask yourself whether you have any conflicts about being sexual—any old messages that might be lurking in your subconscious.
For more information about erection issues, attitude, etc., I highly recommend the book “The New Male Sexuality” by Bernie Zilbergeld, Ph.D. It’s widely available in paperback and is an invaluable resource.
Relax, stop putting pressure on yourself and enjoy sex for what it is: pleasure. Give yourself permission to enjoy whatever happens—and find partners who aren’t hung up on performances issues either. In the future, when your erection goes down (and it WILL, trust me), just relax, make a joke, do something else that's not erection-dependent, and get over your performance issues. Best of luck to you. Dr. J
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