> it was very intense, I mind-boggling experience
Should read: "it was a very intense, mind-boggling experience".
> and he used vasiline lip balm as it was the only thing i had
And to enter the technical part, never ever use vaseline-based lubricant for sexual contact, anal or vaginal. It cannot be washed out easily and can become an infection nest. Always use water-soluble products.
> when he put it in i was lying on my stomach it was so paniful and i started to cry, i
> told him to stop but he didnt and when he did it was only as he cumed.
This is bad. I cannot imagine a man really caring for his girl doing this. Anal contact should be based on the concent of both parts involved and progress in a very gradual way so that no one is hurt. If there is any pain or if you are just uncomfortable with the idea, just don't do it. Your partrner should respect any reservation from your part about this.
For the rest, I will give you right in refusing any sexual contact, not for the reason you evoked (not yet married) but because you are so young, almost a child. I tasted sex for the first time when I was 21 and it was very intense, I mind-boggling experience. I would not recommend it to younger people. But that's just my personal feeling.
Imagine that you like doing something that hurts your boyfriend—say, biting his lips HARD during sex. And he’s told you it hurts and asked you over and over to stop, and you manipulate him into letting you do it. Now that you’ve tried that on, how does it make you feel? Icky, right? You probably couldn’t even GET turned on if you knew it was hurting him. However, it sounds like it may turn HIM on to hurt you. And he doesn’t seem to care. There’s only one way to find out: ask him. You need to start some communication about this issue. Let’s give him the benefit of the doubt and say that he’s somehow convinced himself you really didn’t mind it that much. The only way to clear the air is to talk about it with him.
Since you’ve now decided to be sexual with a partner, you need to take responsibility. It’s imperative that you have a gynecological check-up and it’s also imperative that you’re willing and ready to learn how to take responsibility for both birth control and risk reduction. If you’re being sexual, you MUST take care of yourself. What’s scary about seeing a gynecologist? Look at the alternatives: illness, disease, etc. My question to you is why WOULDN’T you see a physician?
Listen to your heart and trust yourself. You ignored your own good sense that told you that you weren’t yet ready for penis-vagina sex, and now you find yourself in a disturbing situation. You’ll also need to learn to communicate with your boyfriend. If his touch is hurtful, you need to share with him how you’d like to be touched. Dr. J