Sexuality & Relationships Forum
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Avatar universal



I am a twenty eight year old woman and  have been married for over five years now. We have three children together and and two from previous relationships. My husband is an average, hard working man and a decent father. However, I don't feel that we've ever had a real relationship. Without getting into gory details he has been mentally, physically, sexually and emotionally abusive to me.  I don't want to be intimate with him, I guess I just don't any desire for him anymore. He of course still wants it, and always initiates. Which is where the problem lies. I never remember having sex. I remember everything until that point. Going to bed, conversations, kids waking up in the night, using the bathroom, but I black out the sex. He's woken up in the morning saying how amazing it was, while I'm wondering why I'm naked. If I was awake, at least I could fight him. I am terrified of getting pregnant again! I can't take birth control, it turns me into a raving *****. He says he uses condoms, but the last baby, only he planned. He knows I won't disrupt my childrens' lives by divorcing him and as long as I'm pregnant he owns me. He keeps saying he's going to have a vasectomy, but hasn't made any action to that affect. So I guess my question is what is wrong with me and how do I fix it?? I can't find any information anywhere on the internet. Doesn't any else in the world have this issue? I would be grateful for any advice and or information. Thank you...
15 Responses
242520 tn?1211304279
I have never heard about anything like this except with "rufies" or other kind of substances that cause a person to lose consciousness. Since this guy seems to be into control, is it possible he would do something like this?
Secondly, in a situation like this you need hormonal birth control. Go see a really qualified gynecologist and see what she or he can offer. There are all kinds of possibilities out there that you may not have tried- Merida- for example, is the best selling IUC -interuterine contraceptive device and it has a very low hormonal composition- whether or not you could tolerate something like this, only a doctor can tell you- but while I think condoms are great- what you have described makes it an iffy choice for you..

Meanwhile, of course you know you are in a terrible relationship and I can't imagine it is really good for your children. But I have seen your remarks to other people and you don't seem to want to change your circumstances- so I am not going to go into that-- only I think you should see a doctor- and I would recommend you going after one of your " blackouts" and get a blood test to see if you have any drug in your system.
Avatar universal
are you taking a sleep aid of any type? it can cause memory loss during. It also strips inhibitions and that can explain the "wild" part.. lol.. If your not wanting to have sex anymore, and he is still virile, well this relationship is doomed. If he is abusive to you, you shouldn't be in it anymore, there are organizations that can help.
Avatar universal
No, I do not use sleeping aids. I am on prozac to help with anxiety and panic attacks. And, again, as long as he is being a good father and is consistent with our children, I think it's better for them to leave the marriage intact.
Avatar universal
well... there are serous problems in your relationship, one is that yours and his sexual needs severly missmatch, sounds like the abusive nature of him is turning you off which is normal, if you want to make this work he is going to have to change, get in therapy, etc so you will want to be intament with him again. If your afraid of getting pregnant, you can always ahve your tubes tied if he wond get his done, or go on birth control again, but with the tri-cyclic modern regimines have better effictiveness and lower negitive sexual and emotional side effects.

I guess you can start sliping cushed Provera pills into his food to calm his sexual lusts.. lol.. just kidding..
Avatar universal
wait... so what  is this provera?? And will it kill his lobito or just kill HIM?! LOL!
Avatar universal
And, btw, donb-fl, why should I mutilate my body because some body refuses to control theirs?
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